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Check Out This Handsome, Young Jay Cutler

For some reason, the Chicago Tribune decided to go check out Santa Claus, Indiana, home of Chicago Bears legend Jay Cutler. We imagine they did this in honor of Cutty’s magnificent, sterling and awesome 2013 season.

If anyone deserves tribute, it is Cutty!

While they were there, they dug up some high school photos of that young rapscallion.

In honor of Cutty’s removal from the starting lineup and reinsertion into it one week later, we present you with these treasures. The young Cutler. A study of greatness.

Oh, yeah, in case you didn’t hear, the Bears will be starting Cutty! in week 17. That’s one week after they benched him for Jimmy Clausen. Clausen suffered a phantom “concussion” that just showed up on Monday. Said “concussion” was apparently so bad that the Bears have already determined Clausen can’t play this week. That’s right. No concussion protocol. They just ruled him out. On Monday.

And so, like a phoenix rising from the ashes… like a god descending from the sky… like a Spartan riding a chariot of fire straight out of hell… the great and heroic Jay Cutler returns to reclaim his throne as the greatest quarterback of all time!

Never forget that this mountain of a man, this mountain of character and skill, rose from these humble beginnings.

Jay Cutler high school

And now, first-team All World!

young Jay Cutler

Captain, indeed. A captain of men! Of industry! Of football.


No. 24 in our programs, but No. 1 in our hearts!


Young Cutty! will transfix you with his steely gaze.


Also, not pictured — Most Likely to DOOOOOOOON’T CAAAAAAAAAAARE!

Monty McMahon

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.



  1. ThePumaMan December 23, 2014

    Someone is going to (probably already has) photoshop cigarettes onto those pictures. :-)

  2. Arcturus December 23, 2014

    Not a Bears fan, but man this “Cutty” shit is stupid.

  3. Phatgzus December 23, 2014

    Just visualized a Quitler interception montage to Vangelis’ “Chariots of Fire”, now that would be a masterpiece. Might have to loop the song 4 or 5 times, but still.