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Predictions: Philadelphia Eagles at Green Bay Packers

Mark Sanchez in GQ

Shawn (6-3) — In the second half of the season, the Green Bay Packers will actually get to play a couple teams known more for their offense than their defense, which is the reverse of what they saw in the first half of the season. Two of those teams visit Lambeau in the next three weeks — the Philadelphia Eagles and New England Patriots.

The Packers have been flat stomping teams at home this season. They not only score more points at home than anyone else, but they’ve also played good defense. Yeah, the Eagles have a better offense than the other pukes the Packers have dispatched, but still, I expect the trend to continue.

The Eagles bring a lot of speed and razzle-dazzle to the table to go along with their mad-dash and gimmick-reliant offense. However, the fact still remains that the Eagles haven’t been running the ball particularly well this season, which is a large departure from last year and that puts a lot of heat on the quarterback, who now happens to be Mark Sanchez. Frankly, the only thing the Eagles have that concerns me is Darren Sproles, but he’s not going to score 30 points by himself.

I believe Sanchez will immediately notice a striking difference between the defense he saw on Monday night and what he’s going to see on Sunday afternoon, namely a pass rush and defensive backs who can actually cover.

There might be more defense played in this game than most pundits predict, because the Eagles have some speed on defense and some guys of their own who can play man-to-man, which is the coverage you HAVE to excel at to stay with the Packers offense. Still, it’s going to be cold, around 25 degrees, and yeah, that won’t scare a team from Philly or a quarterback who played for the Jets, but it will make tackling Eddie Lacy HURT. And I expect the Philly defense is going to be tired of that pain before the fourth quarter rolls around. The weather may not be a huge factor, but it still favors the bigger, stronger team, and in this case, that happens to be the Packers.

Aaron Rodgers has been rolling, and though I think the Eagles could slow him down early, I believe that the running game will eventually get going and then Rodgers will find things much easier.

I hope the Eagles and their fans enjoyed their home beatdown of the woeful Panthers because shit is about to get REAL for them. IMPORTANT game, by the way, with both teams currently in Wild Card position.

Packers 31, Eagles 16

Andrew (7-2) — The Philadelphia Eagles come in to Green Bay with Mark Sanchez as their starting quarterback. Need I say more?

Not really, but what fun would that be?

So I’ll spew a bunch of hopefully insightful comments that should cause us all a little bit of concern and in a few brief moments return to the premise and rely on it as the crux of my decision and prediction. It’s Mark Sanchez vs. Aaron Rodgers at Lambeau Field. When you think of it in those terms alone, this is a must win for the Packers.

However, this is not just about the quarterbacks. It’s also a battle of coaching wits, pitting Chip Kelly versus Mike McCarthy and Dom Capers. This one probably favors the Eagles and Kelly’s innovative offense. You know they’ll have some plays and formations we’ve never seen before and I have no doubt Kelly and the Eagles will be pulling out all the stops. That means fake punts, fake field goals, onside kicks and trick plays of every kind will be in play this Sunday. The Packers defense has proven its ability to completely fall apart at any given moment, and the Eagles will look to minimize what Sanchez is required to do through pure scheme. Half-back passes, flea flickers, direct snaps… I’m telling you it’s going to be wild. We can also probably count on a heavy dose of Shady McCoy heading our way and if he gets his swerve on early it’s going to be a long day for the Green Bay defense.

The Eagles defense is pretty good, but so is the Packers. A few weeks back I stated the Packers were a top five defense in the making. With Clay Matthews being utilized both inside and outside, we’ll see how effective they can be against a tricky and speedy offense. I think Clay inside is the answer, unless of course he acts as if he’s in the California Penal League and decides to tank every inside snap he’s assigned. Because let’s face it, everyone including Clay knows the only way he gets out of this duty he’s not terribly fond of is by sucking it up in a big way. So let me take care of that right here and right now.

Clay, if you EVER tank a play out there, I’ll rip your nuts off… and shove ’em down yer fuckin’ throat. Sincerely, Jake Taylor

Do I think Matthews would actually consider doing something like that? I really seriously doubt it, but then again who knows. I think the one thing I’ve learned through years of observing NFL players is that none of us know any of these guys, not that well. For further reference see Sharper, Darren and Hernandez, Aaron.

So there are some reasons for concern, but when all is said and done we return to the lead of the story: Mark Sanchez.

The Packers can’t allow Chip Kelly to beat them, because Mark Sanchez sure as hell isn’t capable of doing it. The Packers streak of six straight overs comes to an end with this lower-scoring but semi-dramatic affair.

Packers 30, Eagles 20

Monty (5-4) — Well, these other two clowns pretty much covered it and I really don’t feel any differently.


Yes, these Philadelphia Eagles are riding high and so are their dipshit fans. That latter fact is going to make Sunday all that much more satisfying.

This Philly offense isn’t nearly as potent as last year’s, which is good news for the Packers defense. The Eagles defense is better than last year’s unit, but who cares? I still don’t see them stopping Aaron Rodgers and crew the way they’re playing right now.

Oh, and have I mentioned this?


Ah, yes. I have.

The Eagles went from probably the dopiest-looking motherfucker to ever play quarterback in the league in Nick Foles to Mr. GQ himself, Mark Sanchez, AKA NACHO!, and didn’t really miss a beat. But here’s where I remind you that NACHO! faced the Carolina Panthers in his starting debut last week.

They’re pure dog shit on defense. Me and Jeff Query could light those assholes up.

NACHO! will not be facing that sort of unit in Green Bay. He’ll be facing a good secondary and a stout pass rush.

So, advantage Packers.

To me, the real story is something else though. The Packers have been hammering motherfuckers in Lambeau Field this year. Granted, they haven’t faced a team as good as the Eagles there yet, but seriously, the Packers are badass at home.

I think the last time the Packers had this type of home-field advantage, The Walrus was prowling the sidelines.

If this game were in Philly, I’d take the Eagles in a close one. Because it’s in Lambeau, it’s the Packers in a romp.

The only way the Packers lose this is if Buffoon gets totally outcoached by Chip Kelly, which, let’s face it, is entirely possible.

But until the Packers lose at home, you pick the Packers at home.

Packers 35, Eagles 21


Shawn Neuser attended UWGB and lives and works in Green Bay. He enjoys long walks on the beach and being intimate with game film.



  1. Zwoeger November 15, 2014

    “The only way the Packers lose this is if Buffoon gets totally outcoached by Chip Kelly, which, let’s face it, is entirely possible.”

    True and that’s what I’m affraid of. Because he might be overwelmed by the Claymakers move last week and think nothing can happen to him but the problem stays, he can’t adjust.

  2. Lisa K November 15, 2014

    Our D looks good against the easy teams, but can crumble on the tough ones. I look forward to seeing what will happen here.

  3. Organicbuzz November 15, 2014

    Mason at end of game for victory. Go Pack Go!!!

  4. Richard November 15, 2014

    For all the talk about the Chip Kelly offense, this Eagles team has been more about the defense this season. Sanchez won’t be able to keep up.

  5. Howard November 15, 2014

    Can’t wait for Sanchez to try to throw an out from the opposite hash. Shields or one of the other corners will be doing a Lambeau leap shortly there after. HHCD needs to avoid biting on the under route because Kelly will try some passes deep. If HHCD stays home he will have his second Int. The D just needs to contain the edge on runs, cover the middle of the field, and DB ‘s need to make a tackle first shot (shields) on those wide receiver screens.

    The Eagles D even though stout may have problems with cut back runs if the line seals the trailer on stretch plays. It helps with there main ILB being out. Would really like to see us get the backs and TE’s man against the Eagles linebackers. There linebackers will struggle in space.

    The biggest concern is ST’s. Slocum is down Bostick and Elliot and that could hurt ST’s. the eagles also have one of the better special teams (Sproles).

    The Pack will avenge the loss from last year almost to the week at Lambeau. When we had no Rodgers, a one handed Matthews and no safety play. Go Pack!

  6. montyisahomo November 15, 2014

    I can tell Monty’s keypad was a little sticky from posting the picture of nacho. Glad you finally admitted to lighting up assholes. You should once again consider moving to MN. The voters there approved queers to get married. You would fit right in with the Viking fan club.

  7. BZ in BA November 16, 2014

    “If this game were in Philly, I’d take the Eagles in a close one. Because it’s in Lambeau, it’s the Packers in a romp.” – True that.

  8. rebelgb November 16, 2014

    Good reads. I predict a big game for Ha Ha and Eddie Lacy, my 2 favorite Packers, so should be a fun game to watch. Oh and did I tell you that Mark Sanchez sucks goat balls? Fuck that pretty boy, he is total shit.

    Aaron Rodgers vs. GQ? Yeah right, not in this or any other dimension.

    Packers 38 / Eagles 13.

  9. Fritz November 18, 2014

    that was funny, monty. you dubbed your call “a romp” then you gave 35-20 as your best guess of what the “romp” final score would be, LOL! but then i realized, if the packers D and ST had not scored any points, that would actually be fairly close to the actual score, i.e., the packers had zero passing TD in the 2nd half, but that’s ok, as jordy nelson and cobb hopefully got all of their cold wx dropped passes out of the way for the rest of the season.