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So Long, Adrian Peterson!

Adrian Peterson

As you probably already know, the NFL — that arbiter of discipline and upholder of justice (except when it comes to beating women) — has doled out punishment to Minnesota Vikings great and confessed, but remorseless child abuser Adrian Peterson.

The Purple Jesus has been suspended by the league without pay for at least the remainder of the season. The earliest Peterson would be eligible for reinstatement is April. Peterson, of course, plans to appeal the decision.

However, we’re pretty sure all of you clowns who had stashed AP on your fantasy team’s bench can push the release button now.

Peterson stands to lose more than $4 million if the suspension is upheld. As we pointed out when he was first added to the exempt list nine weeks ago, Peterson has lost nothing in terms of salary so far.

That’s right. The Vikings paid him to sit around and smoke weed for the past nine weeks because they’re the Vikings.

Now, obviously the Green Bay Packers play the Vikings this weekend. Even if, for some inconceivable reason, Peterson had been reinstated this week, he probably wasn’t going to face the Packers. And there’s a decent chance he won’t be facing the Packers ever again.

Rumor has it, Peterson won’t be back with the Vikings. They’re expected to release him after the season, so it’s a good thing they paid him for most of this season.

We imagine someone will give Peterson a job. Dallas has been mentioned as a possibility, since Peterson is from Texas. It seems like he’d make a good Oakland Raider though, doesn’t it?

Most importantly, it appears highly unlikely that AP will remain in the NFC North.

Beyond that, he’s currently 29. You’ve surely heard of the wall running backs hit at 30. Maybe it won’t happen to Peterson, but some pretty great backs have suddenly turned mediocre after turning 30. Recent examples include LaDainian Tomlinson and Ahman Green.

If the Packers see Peterson again, it will likely be a rare meeting with a shell of his former self.

So long, old nemesis and symbol of everything Minnesota Vikings.

Monty McMahon

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.



  1. BZ in BA November 18, 2014

    Adrian (4-year-old-child) Beaterson is an ass wipe, a true Viqueen, and he should have been banned for life from the league for what he did – and hopefully due some serious jail time as well. There is NO EXC– — USE for beating a four year old child that way. A true piece of shit.

  2. E. Wolf November 18, 2014

    Since that whole Berty Judas, the Vikings have really fallen apart. Reaching for Ponder, dropping off at almost all other positions. And now this. It can take years–even decades–for teams to rebuild after that sort of dropoff. Too bad, so sad.

    1. Savage57 November 19, 2014

      I hate the Vikings as much as anyone, but for fuck’s sake Wolfie, are you so obsessed with every opportunity to bag on Favre that the balance of the shit you write is so off the mark that it’s irrelevant?

      To wit, ‘the Vikings have really fallen apart’ statement. I can probably count a dozen teams that would look at making the playoffs less than two years ago and sign up for ‘really fallen apart’ status like that in a New York minute.

      The only reasons the Vikings have declined is because they have an asswipe owner, a brainless GM, chicken-shit head coaches, criminal players and douchebag fans.

      Favre had nothing to do with it, but he did appreciate Zyggie dropping $25MM in his bank account.

      1. E. Wolf November 19, 2014

        And the little weiner dog went yap, yap, yap.
        First, the Vikings were last in the playoffs as a fluke. They have only been a serious contender since 09.
        And the watershed moment, right up their with the tuck rule game announcing the decline and fall of the Raiders, was Berty’s interception after the 12th man penalty.
        Going beyond that, the Vikings are so far gone beyond any serious former playoff team I know. They are in COMPLETE rebuild. They have no receivers, no o line, n cbs. Bridgewater may or may not pan out. Their d line is in decline (I beleive). This is not a retooling period. They require the sort of complete and total rebuilding that takes years, often decades to recover from.
        And it is all traced back to that one man wrecking crew who ruined Sherman, Mangini, Childress, and would have ruined Mac if our coach did not have the brass balls to stand up to the guy and say no.

        1. Savage57 November 20, 2014

          And the hater rants on.

          I pity all the women that dumped your ass.

  3. billybong November 18, 2014

    Don’t gloat too much, the players union has a fair chance of winning this and him playing soon….just saying…

  4. Howard November 18, 2014

    Forget the players union all Peterson has to do is go to one of those dipshit judges in Minnesota and have them issue a stay. Remember the Williams? The whole state of Minnesota including the judges are a bunch of inbred hillbillies. What other state allows home grown terrorists to come and go freely. Hell it is not even against the law to rape livestock in Minnesota. Right Jared? I would be sure child abuse is not considered serious among a bunch of inbreds.

  5. Guysocke November 18, 2014

    I am only interested in articles about the Oval G. Please refrain from posting articles unrelated to the Oval G moving forward.

    1. therealChuckywasCecil November 18, 2014


  6. Nacho dan November 18, 2014

    Well they still have Greg Jennings. Cue the crickets chirping.

  7. Fritz November 19, 2014

    He might wind up with “The Murderers of the Midway” (Ravens).

  8. The Money Mike November 19, 2014

    What a fucking waste of talent…seriously, modern Barry Sanders, except an asshole

  9. rebelgb November 19, 2014

    I used to love this guy, always thought he was one of the NFL’s good guys. Not only did he ‘whip’ his 4 year old, apparently according to reports from ex girlfriends and family members he beats his other kids, his women, smokes week like its oxygen, and is a real asshole.

    What the fuck? Screw this guy. You heard it here first: Adrian Petersons days of being an elite RB are OVER.

    Dallas has Murray, why the fuck would they pay this douche bag? Oakland is much more likely. I could see Tampa too if Lovie is still coach.

    1. Phatgzus November 19, 2014

      So, 1) you can smoke oxygen? and 2) AP’s years of being elite are over because you no longer like him?