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Chicago Bears Fans Reacting Completely Reasonably

Jay Cutler and Marc Trestman

You’re well aware how the Green Bay Packers dismantled the Chicago Bears last week. So are Chicago Bears fans.

And being the solid, rational bunch of folks they are, they reacted completely reasonably to another season down the toilet.

I mean, why aren’t they used to this by now? It happens every year.

Oh, right, it’s always 1985 in Chicago.

So first, we’ve got Bears fans attacking coach Marc Trestman’s daughters, Chloe and Sarahanne, on Twitter. Now, how that fucking AIDs patient has two daughters is beyond me. The one that I’ve seen is even hot, so clearly Mom Trestman was schtupping the milkman.

Anyway, Bears fans, being the classy bunch they are, let the Trestman girls have it because… Bear Down! Oddly, they are unaware that their coach is an AIDs patient. Instead, they believe him to be a “faggot” and a “tranny.”

For example…


Then here’s another good one.


You can see more here, including some threats about rape and murder. Like, if it weren’t for Minnesota Vikings fans, Chicago Bears fans really would be the worst.

And don’t worry. There’s more.

Here’s the guy who calls himself the last Jay Cutler fan, which is odd because we’ve never met a single, solitary Jay Cutler fan in our lives. I mean, what’s to like?

If you’re a fan of Jay Cutler, what does that say about you?

Hi. My name is Jim. I like mediocrity, donuts, Jay Cutler and a nice, warm foot bath. I masturbate with lotion, which is the highlight of my day.

Anyway, this clown got out of his foot bath long enough to burn his Jay Cutler jersey. So apparently now the world is free of Jay Cutler fans.

Then we’ve got this guy. We’re going to call him Chachie. Because that’s what he is — a Chach.

He’s a 24-year-old, life-long Chicago Bears fan and (we presume) virgin, who’s had it up to here! He’s going to take all of his Chicago Bears jerseys and bury them in the ground.

Little does he know that he buried his dignity in that very same ground when he became a Chicago Bears fan 24 years ago. Maybe he’ll accidentally come across it when he’s putting those jerseys in the dirt!

Lastly, there was also a video billboard that appeared in Chicago on Tuesday featuring one Funky QB and the caption, “Marc, answer the phone. Your new QB is calling.”

Jim McMahon billboard

You know, because clearly even a 55-year-old Jim McMahon is better than Cutty!

You go ahead and insert your own Ghost of Charles Martin joke here.

That will conclude our program of Chicago Bears fan idiocy for this year. Please tune in again next year at approximately the same time for our annual airing of this magical event.

They’re buying Super Bowl tickets in August and burning jerseys in November.

Monty McMahon

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.



  1. Sgt Handle November 12, 2014

    What a bunch of pussy’s!! They deserve to be Cutler and Bear fans!

  2. Abe Frohman November 12, 2014

    but but but but but the bears were going to the Super Bowl and Cutty! was going to win the MVP. How could this possibly have happened?

    When does the Shanahan regime start in Chicago?

  3. MGP November 12, 2014


    What a scum…

    Are they learning with Viqueens fans?

  4. Phatgzus November 12, 2014

    “Are we Packers fans now?”

    Thank fucking God, we don’t want you.

    I’m guessing that’s not the first time that dude’s buried something in a plastic bag in his back yard in the middle of the night.

    1. [email protected] November 13, 2014

      he does look a little like JW Gacy…..

  5. Fresher than Wonder Bread November 12, 2014

    I would’ve found it hilarious if he had accidentally set his house on fire after placing the jersey inside that grill, and once again him Cutty would’ve let him down….

  6. DevilDon November 12, 2014

    Bears fans are completely pussified like their team. The guy buries his jerseys in a plastic zip lock so he can take them out later. LIkely August of next year.
    If you’re going to make a statement bitch, make it.
    Ending: “I hope you’re happy Packer fans” lmfao.
    Happy or not, I have a set of balls unlike you, ya fuckin clit carrier.

    1. E. Wolf November 12, 2014

      He stated he will unearth them when they make a playoff game. That will not be August of next year.
      I suppose this is a statement that the team won’t be making the playoffs for a long time, ie that this is some sort of time capsule. He may be right. Still no reason to tread on your colors.

  7. Some guy November 12, 2014

    The one guy said, “You’re dad’s a faggot.” Where he learn spell how?

    1. Shawn Neuser November 12, 2014

      Chicago public education. Next question.

  8. Cheese November 12, 2014

    And this is what I hate about youtube. Any talentless braindead fucktard can post unlimited amounts of videos reciting their worthless opinions on shit they know absolutely nothing about.

    You “buried” your jerseys in zip lock bags underneath 6 inches of gardening soil? Bad ass bro. I think I would have a harder time finding something in my basement than you would have locating those totally clean jerseys.

    1. Savage57 November 13, 2014

      RIght on. Go big or go the fuck home.

      Sadly though, all this shit reminds me of Packer fans in the 70’s and 80’s.

  9. Bill Swarovski November 12, 2014


  10. Arcturus November 13, 2014

    “how that fucking AIDS patient has two daughters is beyone me…” – “schtupping the milkman…” And then go into a description of how the Bears fans are so unclassy. Do you even read the shit you write?

  11. Bob Labuda November 14, 2014

    This article is somewhat comical coming from a person who actually lives 3 miles from Soliders Field and is a diehard Bears fan. I stumbled upon this rather unintelligent work of prose by accident when I was searching the internet for something which would indicate the McCaskey’s managed to make the right choice and fire this entire staff, immediately .

    This article, with the writer catering to you typical packer fans, indicting all of bears nation as still believing its 1985. And furthermore, exploiting how one fed up fan who is resorting to social media in an effort to vent the absolute frustration only another diehard bears fan would understand, is a virgin, a rather pathetic attempt
    At junior high level humour only a packer fan would find amusing which fits the stereotype of the average packer fan to a “T” (I’ll break it down for you simple pack fans, means your highest level of education is that of the 8th grade).

    I am a rather successful married college graduate who happens to be a diehard and lifelong Bears fan. My question is this, why are you Tard like packer fans, a team who is marching towards a playoff run, take your valuable time and write about us bears fans when you should be celebrating the performance of your team. It’s author is clearly a chode, and exemplifies the vast majority of Packer nation as you truly are, petty, unintelligent and ultimately Bushleague. You don’t deserve the team you so fondly support. Send that formula and franchise over to Chicago, a real city with hard working, intelligent and passionate people who far more deserve a winning franchise than whatever you people are.

    (Side note…my wife has the pseudo friend named Nicole… Nicole and her husband Mike live in Wisconsin and are huge packer fans… And I swear, I have never met a larger tool in my life than this mike clown. He nearly got twisted one night up in Wisconsin by yours truly for running his mouth but… In typical packer nation fashion, decided to run into his bedroom to grab his shotgun instead of meet me head on to settle what he started… Mind you he is 6’3 220 and I’m 5’11 240. Pretty even match up)

    You packer fans are a joke and don’t deserve the success that franchise provides you year in and year out.

    1. DevilDon November 16, 2014

      5’11” 240, college grad who can’t write a complete sentence.
      Yes, I see how superior you are. Just roll the fuck down to the donut shop and buy yourself an apple fritter you fat fuck.