Predictions: Minnesota Vikings at Green Bay Packers

Shawn (2-2) — The Minnesota Vikings come to town on Thursday night, and them and their fans are on a high after wrecking a disinterested Atlanta Falcons team last weekend. The Vikings ran the ball with ease and Teddy Bridgewater faced zero pressure in an impressive debut performance.

There’s little in the NFL that gives me more pleasure than crushing the hopes and dreams of Viking Nation. I think this week will be a sobering one for the hopeless losers across the river.

First of all, Bridgewater hurt himself near the end of the game on Sunday, and without him, I don’t think the Vikings have any chance of keeping this game close. There are few records, even for the sorriest franchise in the NFL, that are more rife with shocking futility than that of Christian Ponder at Lambeau Field. If this was a Sunday game, I would give Bridgewater a good shot of playing, but the fact that it’s a Thursday night game makes it highly unlikely.

It is a long season and the Vikes hope to get a long career out of Bridgewater. They won’t take any chances. Plus, a Thursday game means there were only two practices during the week and Bridgewater missed both.

The Vikings will look to run the football either way. They blitzed the Falcons for 241 yards last week and the Packers currently rank dead last in the NFL against the run. I expect the Vikings will have some luck running the football. I don’t expect the Packers to morph into a stout unit over night. However, as we saw with the Bears, it won’t be enough.

If Bridgewater plays, the Vikings will have a more threatening passing attack and the benefit of his feet. They do have some decent weapons on the outside, but they aren’t as good as what the Bears bring to the table.

The main issue as I see it is that the Vikings don’t have the pass rushers or the secondary to do much better than the Bears did on Sunday. I expect the Packers offense, with momentum and playing a home game, to remain in rhythm and producing. Ultimately, the Vikings should have to abandon the running game and take to the air to try to keep up. Good luck with that.

If Bridgewater were to actually play, I call it 38-20. If he doesn’t play, then I give the Vikings no more than 13 points. Either way the Packers should win this one by at least two scores.

I am hoping that this is a great opportunity for the defense to make some plays and gain some confidence against an offense with a decent line and some weapons, but not quite there yet.

Packers 38, Vikings 13

Andrew (3-1) — The “I’m in Vegas and too tired” brevity edition.

Packers 28, Vikings 27

Monty (1-3) — Fucking Chitko. Vegas can suck my donkey dong and so can the Minnesota Vikings.

Hey, have you noticed anything about Thursday Night Football? The NFL was all like, “Oh, we’re actually going to put some decent matchups on Thursday night this year now that CBS has the broadcast rights. No more varsity vs. JV duds. No more blowouts!”

Yeah, well, all of these games have still been blowouts, even though the matchups are somewhat more attractive. This should be a lesson to you NFL. Professional football is not meant to be played on Thursday nights, except maybe to kick off the season.

And it most certainly isn’t meant to be played with Phil Simms providing color commentary. So, strike two, assholes!

Anyway, we’ve got a game and there’s nothing we can do about it — except curb stomp those inbred shitfucks from Minnesota. Is there anything that I enjoy more than the Green Bay Packers pounding the shit out of the Minnesota Vikings?

Nothing comes to mind.

So, look, the Vikings don’t have that child abusing prick Adrian Peterson anymore, but they can still run the ball. I could care less what their names are, but the Vikings appear to have two guys who can still tote the football adequately. Amazing what you can accomplish when you have a line that can run block…

The Packers, of course, can’t stop the run.

The good news is the Packers can get after the passer, so I really don’t give a shit about the Vikings running the football. Run all you want, Runny!

At some point this game, which we know is going to be a blowout, is going to come down to the legendary Christian Ponder. And that’s where the Packers defense is going to tee off.

I had a dream last night where Julius Peppers buried Christian Ponder up to his neck and then struck his face with a driver and watched his head sail off into the distance. I think something like that’s probably going to happen in the third quarter tonight.

This, of course, is all dependent on Aaron Rodgers. Good Aaron Rodgers — the guy who showed up last week — has to show up again tonight. Awful, Disinterested Prick Aaron Rodgers — the guy who showed up for most of the first three weeks — needs to stay the hell away.

I have a good feeling.

Skol this, you fucks.

Packers 35, Vikings 13