Jim Schwartz Carried Off, Neck Beard Celebrates Like Mad
The Detroit Lions pulled some very Detroit Lions’ shit today, losing to the Buffalo Bills 17-14 after blowing a 14-0 lead… at home.
In the process, they gave up sole position of first place in the NFC North. They’re now tied with the Green Bay Packers for that spot at 3-2.
Now, two other things of interest here.
First, is Chicago Bears great Neck Beard started at quarterback for the Bills today. Neck Beard no longer has a neck beard. Instead, he’s replaced that with a creepy-ass child molester mustache.
So maybe we should stop calling him Neck Beard and start calling him Chester. As in Chester the Child Molester.
Who wants to bet he has a sweet-ass white, windowless van sitting in his driveway in Buffalo?
Sweet van or no, Neck Beard — or Chester, if you prefer — was pretty damn excited about beating the Leos on Sunday.
Just running around in circles giving high fives to guys who aren’t giving high fives to him…
Another side note to this contest is Jim Schwartz.
Schwartz used to coach the Leos. His magnificent coaching job led to the Lions’ bed shitting of 2013, when they had no business doing anything but winning the division and then somehow didn’t win the division. Because, Lions. And Schwartz.
Seriously, Schwartz is, was and will always be a total piece of shit. He’s the only guy who can give Jim Harbaugh a run for the NFL’s biggest douche title.
Schwartz is now the Bills defensive coordinator.
So naturally he was also pretty excited about beating his former employer (and players). So excited that he let a couple of his current players carry him off the field like he just won the Super Bowl.
Because that’s how a douche like Jim Schwartz rolls. And also, that’s the closest this shitbird will ever get to a Super Bowl — by pretending a win over the Lions was the Super Bowl.
Live it up, Douchey!