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Adrian Peterson is the Minnesota Vikings

Adrian Peterson

We’re not going to say that this news trumps our previous best news you’ve heard all week because it involves someone causing injury to a child. That someone is that dopey fuck and Minnesota Vikings’ prized possession, Adrian Peterson.

Peterson was indicted by a Houston grand jury on Friday on a charge of injury to a child. The child in question is one of Peterson’s who knows how many kids. Peterson admitted that he hit the kid with a switch, but his attorney says the injury was unintentional.

At any rate, the Queens have announced that Peterson has been deactivated for Sunday’s game.

Where do we go with this? How about exactly where you expect us to?

As you know, getting arrested is a Minnesota Vikings tradition. A greater group of fuckups has not been assembled in one place in the history of time. They’ve had guys who’ve been arrested for eating out hookers on a party boat, getting caught with a device to mask your piss for drug tests at the airport and now, beating their children.

But this time, it’s the Purple Fucking Jesus. The greatest Viking of all (next to Brett Favre, of course), who’s gotten himself arrested.

If they actually had an ounce of sense, even an Minnesota Vikings fan would realize what a stain, an embarrassment their franchise is today.

Instead, we’re sure those fat fucks are sobbing uncontrollably, shoveling cold Hormel Chili into their mouthes straight from the can without a spoon.

And, we’re happy to remind you this isn’t the first time Peterson has been arrested. He was hauled in for resisting an officer back in July of 2012. This also isn’t the first time there’s been an issue with one of his kids. In October of 2012, one of Peterson’s children died after he was beaten by his mother’s boyfriend. How did that happen, you’re probably wondering? Well, obviously Peterson had little to nothing to even do with that kid.

Father of the year, he’s not.

But he’s a really, really good football player, so everyone will just glaze over all of that stuff and put him on a pedestal.

It’s kind of like everyone has forgotten that Ray Lewis was very likely involved in covering up someone’s murder. That shitstick has a job with ESPN now because murder doesn’t matter if you can play football at a high level!

Don’t worry. We’ll always be here to remind you what fucking turds guys like Ray Lewis and Adrian Peterson really are.

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Monty McMahon

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.

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43 Comments

  1. Vijay September 12, 2014

    No reminder needed….except to say as an aetheist/ agnostic, I get tired of all of these preachy, Bronze age beliefs infecting the masses and the hypocritical nature of the religious dogma that continues to invade people’s psyche.
    It’s 2014, science and reason has and should prevailed above all of this nonsensical religious tyranny.

  2. TyKo Steamboat September 12, 2014

    Heres hoping he is suspended for 3 games & not 2. I’m sure it will be 2 & he will come back fresh & angry vs. Green Bay on October that Thursday night October the 2nd.

    Low-Life scum-lords of the NFL:
    3.) Denver Broncos
    2.) Chicago Bears
    1.) Minnesota ViQueens

    1. TyKo Steamboat September 12, 2014

      *October the 2nd

    2. Howard September 13, 2014

      If you are going to list the top three low life scum lords of the NFL I would suggest the Dallas cowboys over the Broncos. I might even put Dallas over the bears except for Dallas got rid of Hurd before he was indicted and convicted on federal drug trafficking charges with the bears.

    3. cd4packers September 13, 2014

      I don’t think your religious beliefs have anything to do with anything. I don’t really care what religion you are. And yes, you are religious. Just posting what you did proves that.

    4. Phatgzus September 13, 2014

      You forgot the Lions and Shesquawks.

  3. Vijay September 12, 2014

    AP is a devout Christian… Which is why I bring it up… Assuming Ray Ray claims to be one as well.

    1. Shawn Neuser September 12, 2014

      Yeah, because Christians believe in having sex and children with as many women out of wedlock as possible. Good one. Tell us another, Robin Williams.

      1. cd4packers September 13, 2014

        You are a devout dickhead so does that stop you from spewing your poison on here? Nope.

      2. Phatgzus September 13, 2014

        Too soon; much oo soon.

  4. BZ in BA September 12, 2014

    Does Lord Favre qualify as the ViQueens #1 all time greatest player? Over Moss? Over Tarkenton? Over Adrian “child beater” Peterson?

  5. Vijay September 13, 2014

    Shawn Neuser wants to impeach Obama for war crimes against his bible (fable book of mysticism)

    1. Shawn Neuser September 13, 2014

      Haha.. WTF are you talking about?

      VJ, war’s over, man. Get new parts for your head.

  6. Vijay September 13, 2014

    And Robin Williams was a fuckimg genius and relevant…two things you’ll never be SW.

  7. Carlos Goodman September 13, 2014

    Let’s keep the religion out of an NFL blog, huh Vij?

  8. Howard September 13, 2014

    With Goodell’s current embarrassment Peterson may be out longer than some of us may think. You could go into each of the multiple arrests of Vikings since 2000 except there is not enough time. It is easier to say the Vikings out perform every other team in quantity of arrests since 2000, and the Viking arrest numbers are low as those inbreds in Minnesota do not recognize the raping of barnyard animals as a crime as all other states do, and among other inbred Minnesotans Jared A is thankful.

    In fact Minnesota leads the country in several infamous categories such as quantity of homegrown Islamic terrorists that take their trade overseas for now. The quantity of dumb ass politicians ever assembled on the face of the earth. You know the type that sue dead military hero’s wives. Then there is Al Franken that failed comic elected by the inbreds. All you have to do is look at his eyes. You know that I just pulled my head out of my ass look and the bright lights are blinding me look. Kind of like Peterson’s picture above and the look Jay Cutler has at any time.

    The only group of screw ups that come close to Minnesota and the Vikings is the Three stooges but that comparison is not fair to the stooges.

    1. Deepsky September 13, 2014

      It goes back farther than 2000. I remember posting a long list of Viking arrests to Usenet back in ’90s.

  9. John Madden September 13, 2014

    It’s always something that when a Christian falls short of living up to the faith that so called atheists are always ready to point a finger. The greatest crimes against humanity have been committed by atheists i.e. Stalin, Hitler, Pol Pot. In fact, it is Christianity that formed the nation that gives you the right to speak your beliefs without punishment from a government.

    1. TyKo Seamboat September 13, 2014

      I read this in a John Madden voice. Only difference is I got distracted by a plate of baby-back ribs.

    2. Phatgzus September 13, 2014

      Forgot about the crusades and the Inquisition, eh? NO, the most terrible events in human history have been the results of zealots who masquerade as proponents of any ideology that would provide them with the most power. Psychopaths will utilize the most powerful tools available to them, regardless, desecrating the philosophies for their own selfish purposes in the process.

      1. Lynn Fuckin' Dickey September 13, 2014

        Pfftt dude c’mon the crusades and inquisition were far smaller and resulted in far fewer deaths than Pol Pot’s massacres, Stalin’s holodomir, Mao’s Great Leap Forward. To say otherwise is pure unadulterated ignorance or extremely dishonest historical revisionism.

        1. Phatgzus September 14, 2014

          I never said any such thing; however, to ignore the impact those two Holy Cleansings had on the world would indeed be revisionist. Is there a minimum death toll that must be met in order to be considered among the “great crimes against humanity”? Germane to that point, what would be the metric of merit in analyzing the magnitude of the tragedy? Should simply number slain? or percentage of the population slain? or some other unit?

          Ultimately, I was not denying the magnitude of the tragedies enumerated. Merely, indicating that membership in and of itself is not the issue-as I believe was implied-but that zealotry is the issue, regardless of affiliation.

  10. Nacho dan September 13, 2014

    Not true. Detroit has the edge on the three stooges. I looked it up.

  11. Deepsky September 13, 2014

    There’s lots of evidence out there that Goodell and his wife, Jane Skinner, are huge Bears/Vikings fans. Guys like Johnny Jolly get suspended for years while the long parade of Vikings players who get arrested get nothing.

    While Goodell might come down on Peterson because of recent events, I honestly would not be surprised he gets nothing or a slap on the wrist.

  12. cd4packers September 13, 2014

    Well, I guess Brett Favre isn’t so bad after all!!! LOL

    1. Phatgzus September 13, 2014

      He really isn’t anything more than an idiot; all these people crucify him over his transgressions, yet people like Peterson, Stallworth, even Hernandez are largely ignored, comparatively.

  13. peter September 13, 2014

    Here’s to #45 highest arrest rate in the NFL

  14. Vijay September 13, 2014

    John Madden you’re an idiot. Founding fathers of the country often disagreed about the role religion should play in their new country. And allowed for FREEDOM to practice ANY religion without FEAR of retribution. Many of our elected officials at that time and throughout our brief history have been atheist or agnostic (today they hide their personel beliefs to win elections). The phrase “Under God” in the Pledge only came to be in 1954…look it up on Wikipedia.
    Finally, Germans Christians supported Nazi Hitler and thought of his as almost God-like and their is no definitive evidence for your argument that three leaders of foreign soils have killed any more #s than have been enslaved, punished or killed in the name of the popular religions for which you belong. And my argument against religion IS relevant because it is exactly that which Frauds like Adrian Peterson choose to hide behind!

    1. Deepsky September 13, 2014

      Hitler. The Catholic church made him a dictator. Up until the Enabling Act he was just another politician subject to term limits. The Communists were not allowed to vote because of Reichstag. The Nazis all voted for him. Before the vote, he told everyone he needed the power to uphold Christian ideals. So the Catholic church sided with Hitler, giving him enough votes to become dictator. Only the Socialists voted against him.

  15. CO Bob September 13, 2014

    Just googled Mossy Cade thinking I would try and put some perspective on this….like GBPs aren’t immune to this crap…bla bla bla…turns out the Vikings signed him after he was released from jail. Yikes.

  16. Vijay September 13, 2014

    Lastly .02-.07% of the federally incarcerated in this country are self proclaimed Atheists… Wanna take a guess as to how many Christians and Catholics there are??? Or how many of those dear religious people there are who’ve filed for divorces or beaten their wives or kids for that matter???

    1. Just Sayin' September 13, 2014

      Isn’t QB1 also a devout Christian? And Badger’s Great Russell Wilson…and pretty most of the ’96 SB team? You slant and generalize pretty well..

  17. Skinny September 13, 2014

    The NFL is going up in flames, bad guys, the rule changes on the field. Bring back the 90s.

  18. BeanTownPackerBacker September 13, 2014

    Geez, I thought I was reading about football, not some butt hurt atheist who complains about Christians. For a group who doesn’t care to believe any faith, they sure love attacking those with it.

  19. Vijay September 13, 2014

    Beantown….fuck off and use your real fucking name chicken shit. Cowards hide behind blog post aliases.

    1. J.B. September 13, 2014

      Is there anything more annoying than a preachy, condescending atheist?

      I promise you Vag, you’re not as smart, enlightened, or clever as you think you are.

      1. J.B. September 13, 2014

        Oh, and calling someone a coward and a chickenshit for using a handle on a board is almost as dumb as citing wikipedia.

        If you know his name… Then what? You’ll do nothing different, will you…?

        What an idiot.

  20. Howard September 13, 2014

    As this is a packer site I just cannot read about this religion discussion further without comment. There is a difference between religion and the belief and faith in God, the creator of the heavens and earth and all that dwells therein. Religions always pervert gods word the second they tell you if you are not a part of that religion you are a lost soul. The relationship with God is a personal thing and religions distort that relationship.

    Although some of you have no belief (and I wish you would try) in God I do and so do many others including a great packer who has a trophy named after him that our team seeks diligently every year. The following is what Vince Lombardi says about God and I for one will not take exception to Lombardi on this subject.

    Famous Quotes by Vince Lombardi
    “I believe in God.”
    “When we place our dependence in God, we are unencumbered, and we have no worry. In fact, we may even be reckless, insofar as our part in the production is concerned. This confidence, this sureness of action, is both contagious and an aid to the perfect action. The rest is in the hands of God – and this is the same God, gentlemen, who has won all His battles up to now.”
    “There are three things that are important to every man in this locker room. His God, his family, and the Green Bay Packers. In that order.”

    I would hope that anyone who is a Packer fan would not mock Vince Lombardi’s faith in God.

  21. Vijay September 13, 2014

    J.B. your a tool. But you have a point about the alias comment I will grant you that. Anyway, shouldn’t we really be talking about Jamari fucking Lattimore getting another shot to start over that useless POS Jones????

  22. Vijay September 13, 2014

    Wikipedia cites all of its sources…I will trust that more than Faux News and other slanted media biases thanks very much.

    1. J.B. September 14, 2014

      Like I said – you’re a fucking moron.

  23. Beantownpackerbacker September 13, 2014

    Vijay, why so much anger dude? Christianity seriously couldn’t have hurt you so much that you have that much hatred towards us Christians. Let’s bury the hatchet, and agree that yes, we fucking hate Jones and can’t wait for Lattimore to drop geno smiths sorry ass. Or at least make a tackle!