We’re not going to say that this news trumps our previous best news you’ve heard all week because it involves someone causing injury to a child. That someone is that dopey fuck and Minnesota Vikings’ prized possession, Adrian Peterson.
Peterson was indicted by a Houston grand jury on Friday on a charge of injury to a child. The child in question is one of Peterson’s who knows how many kids. Peterson admitted that he hit the kid with a switch, but his attorney says the injury was unintentional.
At any rate, the Queens have announced that Peterson has been deactivated for Sunday’s game.
Where do we go with this? How about exactly where you expect us to?
As you know, getting arrested is a Minnesota Vikings tradition. A greater group of fuckups has not been assembled in one place in the history of time. They’ve had guys who’ve been arrested for eating out hookers on a party boat, getting caught with a device to mask your piss for drug tests at the airport and now, beating their children.
But this time, it’s the Purple Fucking Jesus. The greatest Viking of all (next to Brett Favre, of course), who’s gotten himself arrested.
If they actually had an ounce of sense, even an Minnesota Vikings fan would realize what a stain, an embarrassment their franchise is today.
Instead, we’re sure those fat fucks are sobbing uncontrollably, shoveling cold Hormel Chili into their mouthes straight from the can without a spoon.
And, we’re happy to remind you this isn’t the first time Peterson has been arrested. He was hauled in for resisting an officer back in July of 2012. This also isn’t the first time there’s been an issue with one of his kids. In October of 2012, one of Peterson’s children died after he was beaten by his mother’s boyfriend. How did that happen, you’re probably wondering? Well, obviously Peterson had little to nothing to even do with that kid.
Father of the year, he’s not.
But he’s a really, really good football player, so everyone will just glaze over all of that stuff and put him on a pedestal.
It’s kind of like everyone has forgotten that Ray Lewis was very likely involved in covering up someone’s murder. That shitstick has a job with ESPN now because murder doesn’t matter if you can play football at a high level!
Don’t worry. We’ll always be here to remind you what fucking turds guys like Ray Lewis and Adrian Peterson really are.