Towards thee I roll. . ..; to the last I grapple with thee;
from hell’s heart I stab at thee; for hate’s sake I spit my last breath at thee.
The rematch, the showdown with the Seattle Seahawks is now less than two weeks away. Many have, if not having totally forgotten about the Fail Mary, at least put it behind them. A most reasonable outlook perhaps, except for the fact that the Seahawks and more particularly Seahawks fans still somehow think it is something to make light of or celebrate.
In anticipation of this pivotal rematch, a showdown practically between good and evil, this author has been mulling an article contrasting the coaching styles of 49ers coach Jim Harbaugh and Mike McCarthy, particularly in the context of how they handle these sorts of perceived affronts, and whether the latter’s even-keeled, cursory commentary about this game — and how what happened in 2012 has no baring on this team or this season — is really for the best.
In the meantime, yours truly, as a Seattle native, was in a fit of homesickness and started perusing online episodes of The 206, a reboot of sorts of the famed local Seattle skit comedy show Almost Live. In that fit of Heimweh, I quickly found this episode from January of this year.
Skip to 2:58 and you will see the appearance of Lance Easley himself, introduced with an embarrassing whiff that could not be more unfunny. It’s an appearance that did not seem to make the news the way his appearance at a charity softball game did last year, incurring my ire. As the segment progresses, he indulges in shameless self-promotion as the man who called the “Russel Wilson to Golden Tate touchdown,” before cavalierly declaring how he thinks he made the right call to universal applause in the audience. Then, when asked about his ghost-written book, he says he is not there to promote it, before saying “here it is.”
I cannot perfectly describe the feelings that overcome me when I watch this. They are quite similar to the visceral reaction I experience when I see or hear any image or utterance concerning the Minnesota Vikings, but far, far stronger. I can feel myself clenching my teeth. I can feel the blood pressure quickly rising as the fight or flight mechanisms take hold of my body before I start to see white flashes of pure anger.
An undeserved loss is bad enough, as that loss affected the playoff seedings that year. But to make continued light of our misfortune, to profiteer off it in such a crass, undignified manner truly offends me and doubtless legions of other diehard Packers fans who do not take kindly to being made light of.
Earlier in the year and up until now I was resigned to more likely than not losing this kickoff game. Now I see that we simply must beat those punks and teach them a lesson in humility for being so classless. It will not be easy, but the Bucs almost beat them last year in Paul Allen’s facility designed to artificially enhance crowd noise. And the Rams did beat them there. If the Packers do lose then we will, of course, have to wait all year to see if we can still achieve better seeding and home field advantage for any eventual playoff rematch where the stakes will be so much higher.
Impersonal talk about how this is a new challenge in a different season is not going to cut it. It needs to be personal. The Packers players and their staff need to get mad, get angry, to get personal about this, just as Packers fans are, but more so. That is why I am calling on all readers to tweet this YouTube video to Clay Matthews, Aaron Rodgers, Julius Peppers and any other leader on the field who might take offense at this, so that they may use the anger, rage and hatred in their hearts to propel them to giving paybacks, with interest.
As for Easley and the audience that applauds him, I regard them with nothing but disdain and contempt. If voodoo had any chance of being real I would have long since fashioned a doll in this man’s likeness and treated the doll accordingly, so as to administer true pain and horror. The sight of his face smiling next to a ghost written book that seeks to profit off of our misfortune instills within my heart rage, hatred and disgust, such that I must check myself from destroying my laptop or other valuable belongings even as I write this. If only he had come across the wrong Packers fan with the disposition of Robert Carlyle’s ultraviolent Begbie from Trainspotting.
Since basic human decency or humility does not compel this man to act properly, perhaps other measures are to be desired.
Until such time, and indeed irrespective of whether this vermin ever gets his proper comeuppance, the Packers players and staff need to get just as mad, just as personal. Make the Seahawks pay and pay dearly a week from this Thursday. Ruin their coming out party that was meant to celebrate the end of their status as one of the more pathetic dregs of the NFL and professional sports. If possible, humiliate them, and take the taste of last year’s Super Bowl victory right out of their mouths, and the mouths of their fans. And carry that chip on your shoulder each and every Sunday, making each and every opposing team and player pay for this and anything and everything else under the sun, right up through a little excursion to Phoenix this February.
It’ll be a long while before I can muster real respect for that team. Actually, I remember Marshawn Lynch expressing shame for the Fail Mary game, so he’s cool. Fuckin’ shithawks.
Here is the episode in queston. It was somehow omitted prior to publication:
Christ, here I was hoping to have a chance to come on here and rant my ass off over this POS jizzbag remnant’s latest fuckery, then I discovered it was another of Wolfie’s ‘War and Peace’ wannabe manifesto’s and I realized I didn’t have 10 extra minutes this morning to wade through all the verbal vomit. But, as a service to TP Readers, I’m gonna take a stab at providing the CliffNotes version from experience and subject context.
-Easley confirms he’s an even bigger asshole than we thought.
-Dudes like him are why they make the Barrett .50 caliber rifle.
-Seahawks have become the new Vikings.
It consists of about nine paragraphs, not counting the brief prologue. And is written at about the 10th grade level. Hardly War and Peace.
Truly astounding indeed that pieces with some modest literary aspiration could be the basis on which small petty minds try to insult you.
Probably 11th grade level at the public high school I went to. But I enjoyed it. I particularly appreciate your excellent proofreading, and correct use of punctuation.
Wolfie, I’m really just fuckin with ya, but ya gotta admit the shit you write does get ‘windy’. I agree with your POV on a lot of stuff but sometimes an economy of words is welcome.
Now, fair warning. Late last year you decided to get personal with me with the insults, and it didn’t turn out well for you. I’ll deride your work from time to time, but I really try not to insult your person and ask that you do the same. Never, in my years on this earth have I been possessed of a ‘small, petty mind’.
Play nice and try to just smile about shit sometimes. Does wonders for your blood pressure and outlook on life.
A true masterpiece in rant !!!!
Only to be equaled by :
Speaking of the NFC West division, Sam Bradford’s ACL tear probably is going to impact the Packers in that the Bradford-lead Rams team actually was able to beat Seattle and San Franscisco on a regular basis. Now with Bradford out, that’s an additional win for each team this season.
I and my kid were in attendance at that game, the very thought of Pete Fuckin Carroll running up and down the side line smacking that gum and celebrating the Fail Mary makes me ill.
That photo is everything that’s wrong with America right now.
My hatred for that man was at a max. Until I saw this. Then it somehow tripled after seeing that. Didn’t think it was possible. My AR15 would be very useful if I ever saw that man. I hate the seahawks more than any team other than maybe the vikings
That’s the spirit. Let the hate flow through you.
You know it wouldn’t be so bad if he at least admitted he made a mistake, I would have at least been willing to see he is human and made a mistake. I will never forget it regardless, but it would be less bitter. But when this asshole continues to parade around making a profit off of being incompetent, and refusing to see any wrong in what he did, then he can go play in traffic for all I care, or go get AIDS. How dare a man make a mockery of the pastime of America, one of the biggest blown calls in sports history, and write a book about it?
My sentiments exactly.
That someone made a mistake because the arrogance of Roger Goddell and friends put you in a situation you obviously were not qualified for–that I can more than understand. Make slight of the misfortune YOU caused and dare try to profit off our misfortune YOU caused, then I hate you with every fibre of my being and wish upon you the very worst pain and horror imaginable. Pain and horror.
Really and truly , if the guy accidentally drove into a fuel tanker and was terribly burned, living the rest of his life in horrible agony, and terribly disfigured so that his own wife and kids were repulsed by his appearance, I’d skip and frolic down the merry green grove singing fa-le-la la-la-LA, and I’d slam down more than a few gin and tonics to celebrate. Because that’s how I roll.
let it go, dude. no point in living in the past. it takes away from the present.
LOL, fans who wear cheese wedge on head like hat so funny!
You come visit real city next week, experience civilization! We serve you real seafood, world class beer then sit around and let you tell more funny stories. Then we go watch real football so you can go back and teach your villages how sport supposed to be played.
Welcome to TP, Borat.
I thought he sounded more like Long Duck Dong from Sixteen Candles.
Wisconsin has lots of world class beer. More than the state of Washington I daresay. New Glarus, Central Waters Brewing, Lakefront Brewing, all world class beer. I cant even think of a brewery in Washington that is notable. Can think of a few in California and Oregon. A real city? Yeah, ok. Who cares that Seattle is a real city and Green Bay isn’t. What difference does that make? Seattle is a shit place with shit fans. Lost the supersonics, the mariners have sucked balls since Ken Griffey left town. Your fans are the self proclaimed 12th man, a nickname stolen from a more storied football program known as Texas A&M. I hope that stupid stadium burns to the ground.
Actually Seattle is a wonderful town, although it suffers from suburban sprawl, thanks in part to all the Californians and others who moved out there. There sports scene and the fans are shit though.
And there are some really wonderful breweries out there, Red Hook, Alaskan, Pyramid off the top of my head.
Fuck this worthless self promoting piece of shit. The whole country knows it was a bullshit call, even the Seahawks. This whole ordeal is why the NFL has lost at least 70% of any credibility I once thought they had. Why not be men about it humbly admit that you fucked up and try to make sure that it never happens again, when you can lie through your fucking teeth and it wont make a difference because NFL fans are like crackheads who will keep coming back no matter how shitty your product becomes. God forbid someone on Seattle SPEAKS THE FUCK UP about what they really think instead of hiding behind the NFL to protect it’s image. Zero integrity. Fuck Lance Easly, fuck Pete Carroll and Golden Tate, fuck Roger Goodell, and if you wanna be down with them then fuck you too.
I’m with Wofie on this one.. the memory of that game makes me want to punch something, someone, anything repeatedly. The Packers went into the dreaded Quest Field and won that game the last time, I think they go in and win again. Handily.
*subscribing to this ridiculousness so I can have a laugh reading responses next week when the Hawks win.
oh my God….lighten up, Francis(es).
@ e wolf – “because that’s how i roll”??? scarily funny.
The seafucks . What can you say about them ? They are a good team . They are bigger and as fast as the Packers. They tackle well . They play aggressively , with abandon and stay remarkably healthy.They are confident to the point of arrogance . I hate them so much , I cannot find the words . I want to see Eddie Lacy take every hand off , break thru the line and Pan Cake Every Linebacker and Secondary Player as He Scores on EVERY PLAY OVER AND OVER AGAIN .
I hate Lance Easley for the scumbag moves he continues to make. Some Seahawk fans can be annoying douches, but I’ll respect their team’s Superbowl win. That being said, I’m fucking pumped for this game, and I think Rodgers and company will be willing to lay down an ass-whoopin. Hopefully the D can follow suit. Go Pack Go!
Please tweet Rodgers, Clay Matthews, and TJ Lang this video clip.
I’ll let Sherman, Avrill, and Chancellor do the defending.
Sad that you’re all still stuck on that game. As if one call–bad or not–was the reason for your unfortunate season.
Love you. Best of luck this year!
Still stuck on that game? We are not the ones having Lance Easley as a special guest on a local comedy show and universally applauding him.
Wow. Maybe you should try getting over it. It was one arguably bad call in one game, not the end of the world. There are at least a half dozen calls just as bad every weekend…
As for the book…Easley had to write a book. He has to make a living and Packers fans have insured that he cannot get a job. I know you have some deluded fantasy that he in some way ruined your life by making a call in a game but the sad truth is that fans like you did ruin his life. You and fans like you drove him to write this book. It is a monster of your own creation. Deal with it and move on.