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Fuck Mock Drafts! Who Wants to Do a Mock Draft?

mock draft

You know what? I fucking hate mock drafts. They’re pointless. The prick from ESPN knows about as much as the idiots at Bleacher Report.

That is, next to nothing.

Yet, those people and every moron in between trots out a mock draft — usually like 20 of them — because they’re, you know, “experts.” And they’re gonna give you a clear picture of how the first round (of if they’re really brazen, the whole damn thing) is gonna go!

Well, fuck them.

They could have the Chicago Bears taking Jabba the Hutt and that would probably be as close to reality as the football player they’re predicting in that slot.

Anyway, there’s still a week until the draft. Why? Because the NFL can also go fuck itself.

As such, we’ve got more time to kill.

So who wants to do a mock draft? Yes, you, you son of a bitch!

Shawn and I will join in with whoever the hell wants to play along and make some picks. Just think. You could be the GM of the Cleveland Browns!

Do we have some sort of big plan for this?

Of course not! Just like everything else, we let the ADD kick in and just go! Consequences be damned!

We’ll publish the results here though. Maybe we’ll do a Google Hangout or something. At any rate, send me a goddam email if you’re interested in participating.

I will get back to to you and we’ll kill this fucker.

Monty McMahon

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.



  1. BZ in BA May 2, 2014

    This is great journalism. I LOVE IT! Instead of reporting what is happening, we’ll DEFINE what is happening, and we’ll do it democratically. Awesome! So modern!

  2. andy May 2, 2014

    the worst thing about mock drafts is that if one of those assholes who does them gets just one pick right they, then legitimatley think they king of the world. fuck mock drafts!

  3. Carl w a "C" May 2, 2014

    Janna is going 4 slots earlier on my board

  4. Carl w a "C" May 2, 2014


  5. RelampagoBlanco May 2, 2014

    Vijay, it’s your time to finally shine!!

  6. Vijay May 2, 2014

    Hellz yeah bitches…bring DA mock draft noise!!!

  7. CO Bob May 2, 2014

    Thanks! This time of the season kinda sucks.

  8. Savage57 May 3, 2014

    Mock Drafts? Not only yes, but fuckin-A, hell yeah, let’s-get-that-shit-out-there-now, yes!

    With only one condition…

    Since all the pinheads that do mock drafts are usually the same friendless, boring fucks that play fantasy football and are still trying to figure out what a vagina feels like, how about we tie the quality of their omniscience to some stakes? Make ’em have a little skin in the game as the price of admission to run with your, “fuck, my brain just farted out an opinion so now I need to share that priceless gem with the world” idea.

    Make your picks. Defend them. Argue their merit. Shout down naysayers. But then grow a pair and stick to them when the grades come.

    If you publish a mock draft and consume bandwidth and dwell time with your wildly speculative, “I thought it up so it must be right” bullshit that’s fine. But if you miss on more than, oh, I don’t know, let’s be generous and say as low as 25% of your picks, you get your fingers cut off and your eyeballs stabbed out so no one has to piss away any more of their life being ‘enlightened’ by your prescience.

  9. Deepsky May 3, 2014

    Here’s my Packer mock draft. First round is either going to be a defensive or offensive lineman. Why? Because 80% of Thompson’s first round picks have been at those positions. The second round will be either a tight end or a safety and Thompson will claim that this was the best player available and there is no way it was a need pick even though it was. The next round the Packers would usually pick a stud, but Schneider now works for the Seahawks. Whatever stud they take is what the Packers would have taken. After that the Packers will have 12 more picks of which 3 will be starters and Thompson will look like a genius. That’s my mock Packers draft.