Marshall Newhouse is Someone Else’s Problem Now

Marshall Newhouse

Marshall Newhouse

You can officially thank whatever god it is you believe in. Marshall Newhouse will not be suiting up for the Green Bay Packers this season or, hopefully, ever again.

Newhouse was signed by the Cincinnati Bengals today.

I don’t know anything about the deal. The deal is not important. What is important is that Newhouse is gone. Good riddance. Newhouse led the Packers in sacks allowed in each of his two full seasons as a starter (2011 and 2012).

He was equally bad during spot duty in 2013.

Some Twitter hero said it best — Newhouse isn’t a bad guy, he’s just a bad football player.

Lombardi couldn’t have put it better himself.

As for the Bengals, well, they like to reward mediocrity. Look no further than head coach Marvin Lewis’ recent contract extension. Usually you have to win at least one playoff game to have a head coaching job as long as Lewis has had his. Not in Cincy.

Now they’ve gone from rewarding mediocrity to awarding atrocity. As in Marshall Newhouse. His play. Atrocious.

But here’s a contract anyway Marshall, courtesy of the Cincinnati Buttholes!

Their next move will surely be signing The Red Rifle, Andy Dalton, to a lifetime deal worth $22 million annually.

About The Author

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.

17 Comments on "Marshall Newhouse is Someone Else’s Problem Now"

  1. Howard

    Newhouse never was drafted to be a right or left tackle in the NFL. Marshall was always projected to be a guard because of his size and speed (or lack therof). You had to know there were problems when Marshall could not handle the guard position.

    If Marshall cannot make the transition to guard and the Bengals try him at tackle they will not have to pay the red rifle 22 million as he will be out of the NFL with a disability. It is a miracle and good mobility that Rodgers survived Marshall as a left tackle.

  2. BearDownPackUp

    The irony in “A.J. Hawk’s Middle Finger” sarcastic “real classy” comment to Pete D is GOLDEN…

  3. rebelgb

    I tell my Children “never use the word hate, its a terrible word, how can you hate someone you dont know?”. Thats no shit. I mean those who follow me on this site probably figure I hate Negros, Cops, DA’s, and white guys who act like Negros. Truth is I am frustrated and angry at most, but hate none.

    All that being said, Newhouse has come about as close as possible to the “hate” word for me regarding an NFL player white or black. The guy SUCKS!. Fucking Bad. God how ironic he is going to the most MORONIC team in football. And thats saying something as a Packer fan who has the Vikings and Liions in his conference…

  4. lars

    I’m an atheist, but I am thankful Mr. Newhouse has moved to another small city to suck. Perfect headline, BTW.

    Not sure I agree with Howard (above) on Newhouse being drafted to play guard. GB screws around with each and every OT they draft (with the exception of Josh Sitton) G/T/C—they’re all interchangeable and need to be versatile.Even Sherrod and Bulaga were tried at guard first. Drives me nuts.

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