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Free Agency News for Green Bay Packers Fans, Day 3

Captain Munnerlyn

Which NFC North team was the least active in free agency on Thursday? If you guessed the Green Bay Packers, you win! Unfortunately, you don’t win anything because anyone who knows anything about football knows the Packers sit around with their thumbs in their asses during free agency.

Packers free agents

Not much to report here. The Packers re-signed tight end Andrew Quarless. Woooooo!

James Jones appears to be that guy whose name gets tossed around by teams who are really looking to sign another receiver. For example — “Hey, take our offer or we’re going to give it to James Jones.” The Lions were supposedly interested. They signed Golden Tate instead. Then the Jets were supposedly interested. They signed Eric Decker instead. No idea who’s interested at this point. This is starting to look a lot like Jones’ last foray into free agency.

NFC North

The Chicago Bears continued throwing money at mediocre players. On Thursday, they signed former Lions defensive end Willie Young to a three-year, $9 million deal. They also got former Panthers receiver Domenik Hixon on a one-year deal.

Young had 47 tackles and three sacks in 2013. Hixon had seven catches for 55 yards. Yes, that’s all season. SUPER BOWL! WOOOOOOOOO!

The Detroit Lions went and made up for the catastrophic loss of Young by signing Darryl Tapp. He played defensive end for the Redskins in 2013 — and not very well, we might add — registering 10 tackles and a sack. The Leos also signed defensive tackle Vaughn Martin. He had one tackle in 2013. Yes, all of 2013.

Perhaps surprisingly, mostly because these asshats never do anything right, the Minnesota Vikings made the best signing of the day in the NFC North. They signed former Panthers cornerback Captain Munnerlyn. He had 74 tackles and two picks for the NFL’s second-best defense in 2013. The Vikings, meanwhile, sucked at cornerback in 2013, so a cardboard cutout of Fred Smoot would be an improvement.

Guys the Packers were “interested” in

Yes, the Packers occasionally express interest in someone else’s free agents. That interest usually turns into nothing because the Packers refuse to pay market value for anyone originating from another team.

Well, the Packers aren’t really interested in anyone other than Vance Walker that we’ve heard of. They probably should have been interested in outside linebacker LaMarr Woodley, who was cut by the Steelers earlier this week, but of course… nada.

Woodley signed with the Raiders on Thursday, so it doesn’t matter anyway.

Monty McMahon

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.



  1. Lisa March 13, 2014

    You should have just had a blank page for this article, or better yet called it,”Packers Re-signing Their Own Guys, Day Three”,

  2. Richard March 13, 2014

    So what is B.J. Raji worth at this point? A new vending machine? A bag of footballs?

  3. Kenny March 13, 2014

    Well at this pace I expect John Kuhn will be signed next.

  4. Kenny March 13, 2014

    THen the next day after Kuhn we will resign BJ Raji after we low ball Walker.

  5. Phatgzus March 13, 2014

    Put that cardboard cutout of Fred Smoot on one those moving target tracks and you’ll have the next Vikings HoF safety.

  6. ThePumaMan March 13, 2014

    Shhhhhhh! Quiet down guys! You’re going to disturb Ted Thompson’s nap!

  7. Minnesota March 13, 2014

    Who was the Dude on the 49er’s that called Green Bay a Shithole?

    haha is the Sky Blue? gawd almighty, even when drafted there is a chance they might go to Canada instead.

    The QB is still Gay and Brittle.

    Packers Suck

    1. Vijay March 13, 2014

      something tells me if Aaron was available, you’d jump at the chance to sign him.

      As far as Packers…definition of insanity still applies.

    2. Tucson Packer March 14, 2014

      look at this Hormel Chili snortin D-bag. Visiting a Packers Blog in the off-season on a Thursday. Pathetic.

    3. Lynn Fuckin' Dickey March 14, 2014

      He’d probably have said the same thing about Minnesota, had the Vikes hosted a playoff game.

      In recent memory.

    4. The Money Mike March 14, 2014

      Too bad AP couldn’t sign with the Packers before we got Lacy, man that would have been awesome. Now he’s stuck with you fucks until the wheels fall off, Barry Sanders and LT like.

  8. Richard March 13, 2014

    Yeah, that new generation greatest show on turf starring Matt Cassel at quarterback has to really be keeping the Packers brain trust up at night.

    Skol Vikings.

  9. Ivomitonvikingfans March 14, 2014

    Vance Walker signs with KC before even visiting Green Bay. Teddy charms another.

  10. Derek March 14, 2014

    We easily could have afforded TJ Ward, from PFT: signed for only $7 million fully guaranteed at signing, with another $6.5 million guaranteed for injury only until the 2015 league year. The total value of Ward’s four-year deal is $22.5 million.

  11. billybong March 14, 2014

    zzzzzzzzzzz…another day another Packer snooze fest…