Type to search

So, Mike Zimmer is Going to Bring a Championship to Minnesota

Mike Zimmer

Cue knee-slapping laughter! So, the Minnesota Vikings trotted out new coach Mike Zimmer for the media today.

Zimmer proceeded to talk about toughness and physicality. And of course, about how the Vikings are going to win a championship. Here we go!

“I’m determined to bring a championship to Minnesota,” Zimmer said. “I’ve got a chip on my shoulder. I want to make sure that 31 other teams know that I’m here and I’m ready to coach this football team.”

Ah, so you’re there and ready to coach that football team? Well, good to know. I bet there are 31 other NFL coaches who are wherever they are and ready to coach their football team, too.

I already dislike this guy. But then, he’s the coach of the Minnesota Vikings, so I would have disliked him even if he were Santa Claus.

Zimmer went on to make us envision a Kumbaya moment where he’s holding hands with the Marx Brothers. I mean, Vikings owners, the Wilf brothers (who also, not surprisingly, happen to be crooks).

“I can’t wait to stand on the podium with Zygi and Mark and Jonathan, and we’re standing on the podium, and we look up and the confetti is falling down on top of us, and we’re all hand in hand, and Commissioner Goodell comes over and hands the Super Bowl trophy to Mr. Wilf and tells him he’s world champion,” Zimmer said. “That is my goal and that is my drive.”

We’re touched. We really are.

Clearly, Zimmer isn’t fully aware of exactly what turd franchise he’s coaching, though.

Monty McMahon

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.



    1. Cheese January 17, 2014

      Yeah, you don’t need to post it on every single page.

  1. Carl with a "C" January 17, 2014

    Dude’s high

  2. Tucson Packer January 17, 2014

    Hes already drunk off the Hormel-chili-flavored kool-aid.

  3. warshire January 17, 2014

    Adorable. Look the packer fans with nothing better to do than troll the vikings hiring a coach with some balls. Go ahead. Troll. We know you guys worry about us having a real coach

    1. Tucson Packer January 17, 2014

      lol, one thing we don’t do is “worry” about the Viqueens. We laugh. (see start of this comment)

    2. Savage57 January 18, 2014

      Asshole-face. Bagging on the Minnesota Shitfucks on a site dedicated to the most awesome pro football franchise in the history of man cannot be considered trolling.

      It is an immutable law that maintains the natural order of the universe.

      Hasn’t every coach of your roadkill team said pretty much the same thing before they embarked upon their very own hellish voyage of futility?

      Oh, and go fuck yourself.

  4. The Money Mike January 17, 2014

    @ warshire
    Talk when you win something significant like say oh I don’t know 13 NFL Champonships

  5. E. Wolf January 17, 2014

    This must NEVER happen.

  6. warshire January 17, 2014

    You guys sure love to brag about championships won when the vikings were not even founded yet. Or the nearly 30 years of pure medocrity before farve. But hey keep talking. Its all the packers are good at anyway

    1. E. Wolf January 17, 2014

      The Minnesota Vikings: celebrating over 50 years of hopeless futility.

  7. Mike January 17, 2014

    They sure aren’t good at winning the division three years in a row. They definitely aren’t good at winning 7 of the 12 division championships since the NFC North was formed. Compared to the 2 division champs that the vikes took home in that time.

    I don’t think that we need to talk about before the Vikings were founded to show the obvious.

  8. Cheese January 17, 2014

    How cute, they’re gonna have a Super Bowl themed birthday party for Christian Ponder. Complete with confetti, cardboard podium, and a Lombardi trophy cake

  9. vj January 18, 2014

    Warshire, apparently we are good at trash talk but your team is good at pilfering our rejects onto your squad and then claiming them to be Viking legends of the gridiron!

  10. the real jeff ircink January 18, 2014

    wouldn’t that be the goal of every coach – to win a SB? why would the team hire him if he said anything other than “i wanna win a championship”. your distain for teams other than the Packers gets to be a little ridiculous at times. it’s make you look small. and E. Wolfe – b4 you go spouting your snout about 50 years of futility anywhere, your own team fell flat on it’s ass this year. who care about the Packers’ history. that was then. what have you done for me lately? fell flat, so shut your piehole. go work on your petition….

    1. the real russ letlow January 18, 2014

      ah, the delusional ramblings of one who embraces nothingness. History is concrete and is the one thing that can not be erased. To live as though there is no history except for today is to ignore the obvious and to pretend to grasp your illogical fantasy. When you discard history YOU look small. Very small and very ignorant. I’ll take a NFC North Division Champion “fell flat” season every year. And certainly compared to multiple losing seasons in a row. One last thing….GPS.

      1. E. Wolf January 18, 2014

        I’ll take a NFC North Division Champion “fell flat” season every year.

        I won’t–and nor should you.
        Yeah we fell flat last year, with so many injuries and other adverse circumstances that ought to made any chance for a divsion title for naught.
        Be that as it may, we not only have the history and hardware, I still believe in our long term potential for yet additional titles.
        Now matter how you look at it, past, present or future, the Packers are simply superior to the Vikings, and a lot of other teams besides.

        1. the real russ letlow January 19, 2014

          let me clarify_ “….season every year, compared to having losing seasons.” the end.

  11. Don Q January 18, 2014

    If Green Bay fell flat on it’s face and won the division then what does that say about the last place Vikings? You assholes couldn’t even beat us with half of our starters out. Shut your stupid holes you fucking dildos.

  12. tedtomato January 18, 2014

    My goal is to fuck a couple of supermodels..see we can all be delusional dipshits!! Hope those fags draft the next ryan leaf!! Why would you come to Green Bay Packers website and talk shit?? You shit fucks sure are some uptight..jealous..insecure pricks!! Geez cant even joke about our redheaded stepsister to northwest without one of their dipshit fans coming on here and try to act superior…shouldnt you be out salting you jafilta fish..or whatever that disgusting shit you dumbfucks eat is?

  13. Deepsky January 18, 2014

    Didn’t another NFC North team hire a defensive coordinator who once beat the Packers team a few years previous? Yeah, that was Lovie Smith. How did that work out for the Bears?