Type to search

Here’s An Idiot Who Really Loves Marshall Newhouse

Marshall Newhouse

Green Bay Packers tackle Marshall Newhouse has, at times, been the bane of my existence.

After two years of being a sub-par starter, Newhouse was finally relegated to the bench this season. Of course, he still saw some game action because of injuries to Don Barclay and, very briefly, David Bakhtiari.

Those games were not pretty.

Thankfully, Newhouse is about to become a free agent, so… good riddance!

Well, leave it to some tool from Bleacher Report to suggest the Packers actually re-sign him. Some idiot named Ryan Riddle, who actually played briefly in the NFL and should know better, called offensive line the strongest free agent position group this offseason.

Then he went on to list Newhouse as his sixth-best free agent offensive lineman. I know, that’s hilarious, but it gets even better. Here’s what he said about Newhouse, who Pro Fooball Focus has rated the 32nd-best free agent tackle. Not offensive lineman. Tackle. That’s right near the very bottom of the list.

Despite appearances regarding the Packers and their blocking, Marshall Newhouse is one of the better tackles in the league. Losing him would set the Packers back a long way in terms of finding a replacement.

Besides, now is the time to build upon talent for the Packers, not replace it every year.

Better tackles in the league! Set the Packers back a long way!

Hahahahahahahahahaha! Seriously, I didn’t even make that up. Couldn’t. Some moron actually wrote it!

As usual, way to do your research super awesome Bleacher Report writer. You have a bright future in journalism.

Let’s forget for a second that the Packers essentially have three starting tackles available to them next season — David Bakhtiari, Don Barclay and Bryan Bulaga — as well as former first-round pick Derek Sherrod. That would tell an intelligent person they have no need for Newhouse, but this appeared on Bleacher Report, so intelligence goes right out the window.

In 2012, Newhouse allowed the most sacks on the team (10). Guess who led the team in sacks allowed in 2011? If you said Newhouse, you’re the big winner! He allowed 10.5 that season.

Newhouse started two games for Barclay in 2012 — agains the Giants and Vikings in weeks 11 and 12, respectively. Against the Giants, Newhouse allowed four hurries and two quarterback hits. Against the Vikings, Newhouse gave up six hurries and a sack.

And what was that? Oh, yeah. This guy is one of the better tackles in the league and his loss would set the Packers back a long way.

Except, statistics and actual common sense somehow tell us otherwise.

Monty McMahon

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.



  1. Harbor Bar January 9, 2014

    One of the Packers simply wheeled Newhouse out onto the field and propped him up with a donut while Rodgers hiked the ball. He was sooo slow, so useless when he was in. If the guy dropped about 50 lbs and could remove the concrete blocks tied around his ankles…. he just might have a chance.

  2. Sean January 9, 2014

    Ha …the league probably wouldn’t even give us a 7th round comp pick for the free agent “loss”

  3. ay hombre January 9, 2014

    Monty you should re-post that article about how to eliminate Bleacher Report from showing up in your Google searches.

  4. Don Q January 9, 2014

    Bleacher report is about as accurate as an Emperial Stormtrooper.

    1. Mr Bob Harris January 9, 2014


  5. GBslacker January 9, 2014

    I once thought he was nimble and had good foot movement, but couldn’t/wouldn’t engage his hands with an opponent. By the time he tried to anchor, the untouched defender had momentum and would collapse his effort.

    You’ve got to latch on to somebody, between the numbers — or give him a punch.

    Play after play after play — the same thing.

    I think that’s on Campen.

    Also, I did not like what I saw of Sherrod — before injury. He looked soft, passive, weak. I don’t look for him to make a move into the starting lineup — so even with the injury, he’s headed into “bust” territory.

  6. CB January 9, 2014

    Bring back Greg Koch, Ron Hallstrom, the Rock, Ken Ruettgers! Maybe even Tony Mandarich!
    Hell, Kramer and Forrest Gregg will also do before bringing back Newhouse!

    Heyward, Hyde, House, Lattiomore…expect major strides next year.
    A health Nick Perry will live up to the billing.
    Datone Jones begins to make many more plays
    Bulaga is back and rock solid at RT….
    All of that,,,,reality
    …now for the fun offseason dream….
    Pack adds Troy Polamalu for a superbowl run!

  7. Dan January 9, 2014

    Don’t forget BleacherReport says AJ Hawk could be Defensive Player of the Year.

  8. Phatgzus January 9, 2014

    Bleacher Report for the win! There’s just no way this guy isn’t Newhouse’s pal, the most sarcastic sumbitch on the planet, or The Crack-Smoking Mayor from Toronto.