So SI posted a gallery of athletes in their kitchens. Why did they do this? No fucking idea, but that’s not the point. When I saw this, I said to myself, “Self, I bet there’s some Brett Favre in there.”
I was not disappointed.
This is some classic Brett Favre from way back in 1995 when he was at the height of his powers with the Green Bay Packers. When he was still beloved by Packers Nation. When he was popping Vicodin like they were Tic Tacs. When he was winning his first MVP. When he was throwing for a league-leading 4,413 yards and 38 touchdowns. Not to mention an appallingly low, un-Brett Favre like 13 interceptions.
What else was he doing? Brett Favre was cookin’ some fuckin’ dinner!
What was he cooking? Looks like some Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. Brett Favre — gourmet chef.
Don’t most guys take off their ball cap when they’re just hanging out around their house. I know I do. Not Brett Favre!
So, why don’t you give us a caption for this photo? Best one will get something from the Packers swag vault here at headquarters.
Country Crock Spread — the margarine spread of choice for hillbillies and rednecks.
I should tell Frankie and Chewy about Deanna’s recipe. Works as well onion rings to keeping sobre, with half the calories.
Deanna told me to get butter–I bought Country Cock. Now I’m in the doghouse. Sure hope she does not find out about the other night in Appleton. …
“hm…still needs a couple more vikes in here!”
Brett Favre–wears balls caps, even when barefoot!
“Country Crock, more like Country Crack!! This stuff is addicting!”
“Gallons of margarine and dong pics – ladies love that stuff!”
“Deanna! Come here and try this vike n’ booze soup I made!”
Deanna, that’s what I love about you! You don’t put sugar in the grits!
“I always like throwing in a few more [garden fresh] picks than the recipe calls for.”
Deanna will never check the country crock bucket for my love notes and Vicodins. You think this spoons bigger than my manhood?
“I think these noodles are finally done. Nope, not yet. Yes, they’re definitely finished. Wait, no, not yet…”
What should I do?
Should i stick my penis in the country crock, maybe take a few dick picks and send them to Jen?
Should I shove this wooden spoon up ass broad side up and pour a couple Vicodin in so it enters directly into my bloodstream?
Should I invite Frankie Winters over to rub country crock all over our naked bodies and have a full on 60 minute iron man wrestling match. Like totally not in a gay or anything, just two greased up dudes going at it like a couple of bros?
Should I call up Big Mike Holmgren to come over and lick the sweat, cum, and country crock mixture of frank and my naked bodies?
What should i do Packer Nation?
Brett (Iron Man) Favre,
You have been an Idol to me, my Dad and my Brother since you took over for the Magic Man. Don’t let these clowns bother you! You are a Champion – period. Everyone loves to hate on people that have accomplished so much, picking them apart and finding flaws. Guess what fellow Packer’s – Brett Favre has flaws too, just like you and I… Bill Clinton included! LOL! And as for the redneck statements – who cares, most of the Packer Nation are Rednecks! And what’s wrong with being a redneck? I despise fake & materialistic people. If anything, you are ‘a real person’ and that is one of the many reasons I related with you.
I followed you from the Packers to the Jets and the Vikings. I was at both games when you played against the Packers wearing my white ‘away’ #4 Favre Vikings jersey your first year with the Vikes. I have all of your jerseys and am proud of it. Of course, the ‘home’ Packers jersey is Green and the other jerseys are white ‘away’ jerseys. You had one heck of a run, Brett! :-)
You are one of a kind, Brett. Don’t ever forget that. NOBODY can take what you’ve accomplished in your career. YOU made it happen in Green Bay. YOU won many games and made many Packer Fans proud to be a Packer Fan! We always knew we had a chance at winning because YOU were in the game at the helm.
Stay up man. I remember the good old days when you were a Packer – having fun, winning and playing at ANY EXPENSE and soon, with time, the rest of the Packer Nation will too.
If Ted would have let you play one more year – I know you would have another Super Bowl for the Packers.
” I can do whatever I want…it’s not like there is a kid from California that the Packers will draft in a few years who is going to be better than me…”
Wow this is hot!, Hmm look at my shirt logo in the microwave, wish I had a camera to take a picture of my spoon, if you know what I mean, now that would be hot!
“I think Majkowski said one foot off the ground, cup the bull’s balls and taste the sauce to achieve enlightenment and complete more passes into triple coverage. Fuck it, it’s worth a shot!”
golly Deanna, its 98.6 in my mouth too, I told you rectal thermometers were just as accurate.
Hmm. Do I send that chick I barely know some dick pics before or after dinner? Tough call.
While I would obviously, easily come up with the best caption, let someone else have the swag… Last thing I need.
Did they not have granite and stainless appliances in 1995… Appalling.
” when I grow up, I’m gonna cry like a baby, send out pics that would embarrass a squirrel, and chase fake boobs of a 15 minutes of fame girl whose name spelled backwards is Regrets !”. I hope !!!
“I call this my Playoff Stew. Let me take a taste here. Ahg, gag, choke, choke, choke”
“put your left foot in, take your left foot out, take a little taste, and then you stir it all about…thats how make hokey pokey good ol’ boy aw shucks stew…..”
jeff thomason is banging heather hayes in the next room
“I can get this spoon pretty far down my throat. I wonder if I could blow myself?”
Why’s my trash can sitting out in front of my sink? That’s where I always keep it when I cook!
Dammit, another 2 picks last week. OK, what did that voodoo lady say again?: Boil chicken eyes… check, put Country Crock in armpits… check. Stand on one foot, crook one arm like you’re begging and feed yourself with the other…. check. Wait, wasn’t there something about making a foil hat?
Sure wish my cell phone had a camera so I could email a pic of my [email protected]$k to some broads!
Brett Favre: The Pre-Croc years.
meh…not bad. Needs more vicodin, though.
This Hormel chilli ain’t so bad!
Hm. Cheese. The taste of greatness. Meh. Not for me.