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Brian Urlacher Doesn’t Want the Chicago Bears to Win

Brian Urlacher

So now we have something in common with Brian Urlacher. You know, other than a sweet-ass barb wire biceps tattoo. None of us want that shitty football team known as the Chicago Bears to win.

Urlacher told Dave Dameshek he doesn’t want his former team to win a Super Bowl without him.

“I’m still rooting for them,” Urlacher said. “I hope they do well. They better not win a championship without me because I’ll be really pissed.”

When Dameshek asked if Urlacher was OK with the Bears doing just “well,” Urlacher replied, “Then I’ll be happy for them. Like I said, I have a lot of good friends on the team, but I don’t want them to win a Super Bowl without me.”

Hahaha… the Bears… a Super Bowl… maybe if the ghost of Walter Payton and Richard Dent from 30 years ago show up.

That aside, this is an interesting dynamic. The Bears lowballed Urlacher in contract negotiations, which pretty much told him they didn’t want him back. It’s like the anti-Ted Thompson move. That heartless prick just unceremoniously hands you your walking papers.

Regardless, Urlacher probably felt spurned.

It’s like when your old lady leaves you. Maybe you want her to be happy, but you sure as fuck don’t want her to be happy with another guy.

So Urlacher is okay with the Bears having some success, just so long as they don’t win a Super Bowl.

The good news for him is he has nothing to worry about.

Monty McMahon

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.



  1. E. Wolf July 20, 2013

    That’s the difference. For the Pack, doing well means winning the Super Bowl.
    Hate to say it, but the Bears are going to disintegrate. That coach they hired is going to be a disaster. I would not be surprised if the Bears finised last behind the Lions. Unfortunately, it looks like the Vikings will be the one possible obstacle in our way. Distasteful, because whereas I have a grudging respect for the Bears, I hate the Vikings. I actually wanted that Arty Modell shakedown to fall through, for two purposes:

    1) Zygi Wilf does not line his pockets with tax dollars

    2) we would have KILLED the Minnesota Vikins for onec and for all, as they move to LA or something, with the Rams switching places in the NFC North.

    1. Savage57 July 20, 2013

      Agree – I was hoping a nay stadium vote would have displaced the horned shitfucks forever. Another half-century of dealing with that fucking horn.

  2. 5280 July 20, 2013

    Lol, remember that game against NY in the playoffs a couple years back after you went 15-1 in the regular season? Your receivers couldn’t catch a pass and your secondary got burned. That shit still makes me laugh. Also, can y’all remind me what happened to the pack last year in the playoffs?

  3. Tyko Steamboat July 21, 2013

    Of course he doesn’t.

    He retired a Packer…Remember?