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The Chicago Bears Gave Up on the Porta Potty Dude

Gabe Carimi

Remember this guy? Remember this photo? That’s former Wisconsin Badgers tackle and Chicago Bears first-round pick Gabe Carimi coming out of a portable john at his first Bears training camp.

We ran a photo caption contest and the winner was this.

“Jay was right. That was the greatest glory hole ever!”


Anyway, the Bears drafted Carimi in the first round in 2011. Although he’s Wisconsin born and raised, Carimi was quick to denounce the Green Bay Packers after he was drafted. We were quick to denounce him. And so were the Bears, it turned out.

Carimi pretty much sucked balls, like all Chicago offensive linemen, got benched in 2012 and was just traded to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers for a sixth-round draft pick.

That’s good value.

Carimi was the last first-round pick of former Bears GM Jerry Angelo on the roster.

Complete. And. Utter. Failure.

Carimi still has a chance to do something with his career, but next to Matt Millen, Angelo has to be the worst general manager in NFC North history. Yes, I am excluding the NFC Central because then the title of worst GM would go to Dan Devine. John Hadl… nice move.

Anyway, further example of the Bears suckitude. That AIDS patient from the CFL will totally turn things around, though…

Marc Trestman

Monty McMahon

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.



  1. FITZCORE1252 June 10, 2013

    Man, I miss Angelo already.

  2. Tyko Steamboat June 10, 2013

    Why did you attach a picture of a Woody Allen impersonator at the end of this story?

  3. E. Wolf June 10, 2013

    I think this proves what a crapshoot the draft can be. A lot of Packer fans had wished we drafted this guy. Not that the tackle we did select appears to be that much less of a bust (so far).

  4. the real russ letlow June 10, 2013

    lousy player, lousy organization or lousy coaching? all or some of the above?

  5. Iltarion June 10, 2013

    I think the Bears have to happy to get a 6th round pick for a guy they may have ended up cutting anyway.

    I remember the game against San Fran last season. They idiotically had Carimi playing right tackle, and Aldon Smith was completely abusing him. It was so pathetic that the Bears probably would have been better off with a cardboard cutout out there that at least Smith had to run around.

  6. Carl with a "C" June 10, 2013

    Monty, why was he in your office at TP headquarters? Was it salad tossing Tuesday?

  7. FITZCORE1252 June 10, 2013

    Every day is salad tossing Tuesday… Amiright!?!?

  8. MadCity Packer Fan June 10, 2013

    There new coach looks like an old Lesbian

  9. Snarff1 June 10, 2013

    Maybe Carimi might have faired better with another team, we all know the Bear couches suck.

  10. Savage57 June 11, 2013

    A case of constant mental conflict creating debilitating physical symptoms. Now that he’s been traded away from Shitcago, his body can start to recover from the stress and his play will return to the high level he displayed at UW.

    Had the Packers drafted him, he would have been NFL MVP by now.