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Vikings Will Shut Chris Kluwe Up

Chris Kluwe in Out magazine

If you weren’t paying close attention to the NFL Draft on Saturday, then you surely were making better use of your time, but you also missed one of the most hilarious moments in the draft.

In the fifth round, right before the Green Bay Packers selected Micah Hyde, the Minnesota Vikings drafted a punter from UCLA — Jeff Locke.

As notable as it is any time a team commits the folly of drafting a punter in the fifth round, it is doubly astonishing in this instance because the Vikings already have one of the best punters in the league in Chris Kluwe. In fact, if you doubt that at all, just ask Kluwe, who responded to the pick by declaring himself the best punter in Vikings’ history, as illustrious as that list is.

Now, unless you’re in Jacksonville, a GM doesn’t draft a punter in the fifth round to cut him, and Locke was the top-rated punter in the draft. In other words, Kluwe’s days in purple appear to be numbered.

The hilarious part of this is the reason why. Kluwe is probably better known as a social activist than as a punter, being especially passionate about same-sex marriage, though that’s not all. The Vikings, apparently, would prefer Kluwe took his activism and his Twitter account elsewhere.

True, this is sort of odd in a state that elected Al Franken to Congress, not to mention once having a pro wrestler for a governor. One would think, considering the environment, that Kluwe could post cross-dressing photos on Twitter and that would just be par for the course in the Twin Cities.

That being said, I still find the entire situation hilarious. As much as Kluwe has the right to express his mind, he especially draws my ire for two reasons not related to his views. For one, he’s a Viking. For another, he’s a punter and a punter is not a football player. A punter has one job — kick a football and then shut the hell up. No one cares one rat’s ass about what the punter has to say.

To prove that I am not alone on rejecting punters as football players, I have two words for Kluwe — Ray ‘effin Guy. When the NFL Hall of Fame decides a punter is worth its time, MAYBE I’ll decide one is worth mine. I doubt it though.

Kluwe can cheer up though. There’s always Buffalo… or barber college.

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Shawn

Shawn Neuser attended UWGB and lives and works in Green Bay. He enjoys long walks on the beach and being intimate with game film.

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9 Comments

  1. For 69 points, can anyone identify the elephant in the room? The potpourri-scented, feng shui arranged, lavender and pink, room?

    1. E. Wolf May 1, 2013

      LOL. I am literally laughing out loud. Good show.

  2. DD May 1, 2013

    Kluwe can screw me. He’s got dreamy abs.

  3. Phatgzus May 1, 2013

    Iwould expect nothing less from the Vikings organization. Poor Ray Guy, to be the best to ever play your position yet fewer people know about you than Honey Booboo (or whatever the hell her name is).

  4. BD Swingin' May 1, 2013

    He really should consentrate on punting and leave activism alone until his career is over. The same thing goes for that former Ravens linebacker.

  5. Mike May 2, 2013

    Their choice to go another direction had 95% to do with money. Kluwe was due $1.4 million next year (quite a lot for a punter) and they can pay four rookie salaries with that money. Probably about 4% of the decision was football related and 1% (at most) was about his political activism. If they admitted even that 1% they would be up for a law suit.

  6. Marc May 5, 2013

    so, what you’re saying, Shawn, is that by releasing Kluwe — and giving him even more free time — the Vikings would “shut Chris Kluwe up?”

    You have a point. Unfortunately, it’s not in the piece of drivel you posted but on your head.

    1. Shawn May 6, 2013

      Shut him up AS A MEMBER OF THE VIKINGS. Yes.

      Obviously the Vikes could not care less what he does once he is someone else’s concern.