• Articles
  • News
  • About
  • Privacy Policy
  • Website Terms of Use
  • Contact
Total Packers - Green Bay Packers Blogs and News
  • Home
  • Analysis
  • Packers News
  • Contact
  • Disclaimer
No Result
View All Result
  • Home
  • Analysis
  • Packers News
  • Contact
  • Disclaimer
No Result
View All Result
Total Packers
No Result
View All Result

Let’s Grade Packers, Vikings, Bears and Lions Drafts

Monty McMahon by Monty McMahon
April 30, 2013
in Uncategorized
12

Kyle Long

Hey, everyone else is doing it, so why shouldn’t we? Grading drafts classes of guys who haven’t even played yet, that is. It’s idiotic, but who are we to buck the trend? So here are our grades for the NFC North — the Green Bay Packers, Minnesota Vikings, Chicago Bears and Detroit Lions.

Minnesota Vikings: A++++

The Vikings managed to wrangle three first-round picks. They had two going into the draft and then they traded up for the third one by giving up a boatload of picks. After the trade, they were left them with a fourth, fifth and three sevenths. But forget all that. These asshats had THREE FIRST-ROUND PICKS! That right there tells you they’re going to the Super Bowl! Just ask any Vikings fan. In the first round, the Vikings grabbed Florida defensive tackle Sharrif Floyd, Florida State cornerback Xavier Rhodes and Tennessee receiver Cordarrelle Patterson.

Fuck the rest, this is a haul! Floyd was supposed to be a top-10 pick, but the Vikings got him at No. 23. That’s value, a coup… just ask a Vikings fan. Why did he slide? Not important at all! And then there’s Rhodes. This guy had three picks his senior season. He’s the heir-apparent to Antoine Winfield! He’s shutdown! Just look at him! And then there’s Patterson. Look, he has double R’s and double L’s in his first name! And look at these stats — 46 for 778 and five touchdowns. He’ll double that shit his first year in the NFL with Christian Ponder throwing him the ball!

These dickbags really outdid themselves. Mark them down for the Super Bowl. Or at least the NFC Championship game, where they’ll watch as Gary Anderson misses a short field goal that sends the Falcons to the Super Bowl.

Chicago Bears: E

For effort. Because this is Little League Baseball and everyone should get a trophy just for playing. In the first round, the Bears drafted guard Kyle Long of Oregon. Did everyone in the collective world say this was a reach? Who cares! The Bears are serious about improving that offensive line!

We didn’t hear much from the Bears, but that’s because they didn’t have many picks. After their brilliant first-round choice, the Bears had a second, fourth, fifth, sixth and seventh. Why do the Bears suck balls at acquiring draft picks and drafting in general, you might ask yourself. Who cares.

Detroit Lions: Fuck You

The Lions had the fifth pick in the draft because they suck ballsack. They chose BYU defensive end Ziggy Ansah, who was more notable for wearing 3D glasses to the draft than he was for college production. This guy had 4.5 sacks in college, with all of those coming during his senior season. Obviously, a force to be reckoned with. He’ll be expected to replace Cliff Avril and to a much, much lesser extent, Kyle Vanden Bosch. The former signed with Seattle and the latter was released because he’s too old and sucks.

Is this guy a project? Hell no! He’s a workout warrior who’s only been playing organized football for three years because somehow BYU Mormoned him from Ghana. Maybe he’s the next Jason Pierre-Paul. Maybe he’s the next Vernon Goldston. Either way, fuck you Detroit. I don’t even care who you drafted after this guy. You’re not competing this year.

Green Bay Packers: Meh!

The Packers drafted two running backs and we’re all excited about that. Of course, their offensive line can’t run block for shit, so let’s not get too excited about Eddie Lacy and Johnathan Franklin. What we do know is this — there will be some competition on the defensive line, which was disgusting last season. Datone Jones, the first-round pick, should start and Josh Boyd, the fifth-rounder, should at least get into the rotation.

And, as far as that ho-hum offensive line, at least the Packers picked two O-linemen in the fourth to tell the incumbents their jobs aren’t guaranteed. Otherwise, yeah… meh!

Tags: 2013 NFL DraftChicago BearsDetroit LionsGreen Bay PackersMinnesota Vikings
Previous Post

Steelers Passed on Eddie Lacy Because of Toe Surgery

Next Post

Packers Get Faster and Other Draft Notes

De'Vondre Campbell tackles Lions running back D'Andre Swift

Packers Fall Apart in 4th: Lose 20-16 to End Season

January 9, 2023
How will Vernon Scott’s Injury Affect the Packers’ Roster?

Packers vs Lions – Game Day: Week 18

January 8, 2023
Keisean Nixon celebrates a touchdown scoring kickoff return against the Vikings

Packers Make Statement: Pound Vikings 41-17

January 1, 2023
Allen Lazard celebrates a touchdown with Aaron Jones - Packers vs Bears Week 2 - 2022

Packers vs Vikings – Game Day: Week 17

January 1, 2023
Next Post
Datone Jones

Packers Get Faster and Other Draft Notes

Comments 12

  1. Avatar for Jonathan Jonathan says:
    10 years ago

    I got a “fuck you” on a spelling test once.

  2. Avatar for DD DD says:
    10 years ago

    I have good dick taking abilities. Where’s more Rodgers posts? I’m obsessed with him you know.

  3. Avatar for TyKoSteamboat TyKoSteamboat says:
    10 years ago

    I liked Kyle Long a lot. Not a single mock-draft out there had him projected in the 1st round.
    He spent time before the draft working-out with Jay Glazer & Clay Matthews & I thought there was a good possibility the Pack were eyeing him at #26.
    …………………………………….
    As far as the ‘Queens go, I was very pissed that they somehow got Sarrif Floyd at #23. I have no idea how he fell that far.
    They looked like they knew what they were doing too. Drafting their first 4 picks at their most glaring positions of need.

  4. Avatar for monty monty says:
    10 years ago

    Cordarrelle Patterson has 3 R’s (not 2) and two L’s in his first name. it also has 1 C, 1 O, 1 D, 1 A, and 2 E’s!

    • Avatar for Buster Bluth Buster Bluth says:
      10 years ago

      i’d like to buy a bowel

  5. Avatar for the real russ letlow the real russ letlow says:
    10 years ago

    woo hoo! we got a meh!

  6. Avatar for JohnE JohnE says:
    10 years ago

    When Ziggy emBAREASSes Rodgers a couple of times in the dirt, we’ll see who is laughing. MEh HE HE he

    • Avatar for the real russ letlow the real russ letlow says:
      10 years ago

      GPS

  7. Avatar for Savage57 Savage57 says:
    10 years ago

    Vikings – F
    Bears – F
    Lions – F

    They’re the fucking Vikings, Bears and Lions – what did you think they’d get?

    Packers – Whatever you want to believe works for me.

  8. Avatar for Lars Lars says:
    10 years ago

    All of the Vikings picks were overrated coming into draft day. That’s why they were available. Floyd was never going to be the 3rd pick of the draft. Short arms and not really that big, he didn’t show his strength in field play. There’s a very good reason Lotuleile, Richardson were picked before him. They should have gone with the bigger, more productive Sylvester Williams.

    Patterson for four picks—that’s an F-. They didn’t have to do that with Justin Hunter and a bevy of other good receivers on the board and Jennings on the roster. Patterson is far from a sure thing.

    Rhodes was taken after Hayden and Milliner and just before the superior CB Trufant. Great size, but watch the film. Slow reactions.

    The Lions did well and the Bears drafts still suck. Reach much, Chicago?

  9. Avatar for Charlie Martin Charlie Martin says:
    10 years ago

    incredible recap

  10. Avatar for GrnMAchineCrushesQueens GrnMAchineCrushesQueens says:
    10 years ago

    So the Big 12 Defensive Back of the Year (Micah Hyde) gets no recognition @ all? Fail. Again. Ya know, I’m starting think that you’re not really the truest of Packers fans… Could it be because you also run TotalSteelers.com?! Partially. But it also resides in the fact that you recently have been writing incomplete, misleading drivel. Its not entertainingly endearing anymore, to a true, bleed and die Packer fan such as myself. It’s, in fact, purdy annoying. I know you’re a smart kid. Clean it up.

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Pinterest
  • RSS
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

Total Packers - Green Bay Packers News and Rumors

Find It!

No Result
View All Result

Recent Posts

  • Packers Season Recap: Best NFL Highlights from Green Bay
  • Comparing The 2022 First Round Wide Receivers with Christian Watson and Romeo Doubs
  • Look Into the Top 5 Favorites of This Season’s 2023 Super Bowl
  • Reviewing Gutekunst, the Packers Roster and Coaches: Where Did it All Go Wrong: The Preseason Decisions
  • Packers Fall Apart in 4th: Lose 20-16 to End Season
  • Packers vs Lions – Game Day: Week 18
  • Packers Make Statement: Pound Vikings 41-17
  • Packers vs Vikings – Game Day: Week 17
  • Packers vs Vikings: The Pack Needs to Save the Season
  • Packers Deliver Huge Present: 26-20 Over Dolphins
  • Packers Bring Rams; Mayfield Back to Earth 24-12
  • Packers vs Rams – Game Day: Week 15

Popular Tags

A.J. Hawk Aaron Rodgers Brett Favre Brian Gutekunst Bryan Bulaga Charles Woodson Chicago Bears Chicago Bears Clay Matthews Clay Matthews III Dallas Cowboys Davante Adams Detroit Lions Eddie Lacy fans Featured free agents game analysis Green Bay Packers Green Bay Packers Greg Jennings injuries Jay Cutler Jermichael Finley Jordy Nelson Julius Peppers Mike McCarthy Mike McCarthy Minnesota Vikings Morgan Burnett New England Patriots New Orleans Saints NFL Oakland Raiders Philadelphia Eagles predictions Randall Cobb Sam Shields San Francisco 49ers Seattle Seahawks T.J. Lang Ted Thompson Ted Thompson Tramon Williams Ty Montgomery
No Result
View All Result
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Pinterest
  • RSS
  • Twitter
  • YouTube
  • Articles
  • News
  • About
  • Privacy Policy
  • Website Terms of Use
  • Contact

© 2022 Total Packers -- This site is not affiliated with the Green Bay Packers or Packers.com

No Result
View All Result
  • Home
  • Analysis
  • Packers News
  • Contact
  • Disclaimer

© 2022 Total Packers -- This site is not affiliated with the Green Bay Packers or Packers.com