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Christian Ponder will be Getting Benched for Matt Cassel

Matt Cassel

The Minnesota Vikings are serious about pretending they haven’t hitched their wagon to the terribly awful Christian Ponder and his awfully terrible quarterbacking skills. As such, they signed Matt Cassel, who was discarded by 2012’s worst team — the Chiefs — on Thursday.

The Vikings really know how to make a splash, don’t they?!

So now they have two really terrible quarterbacks and guess what. They’re reportedly going to let these two clowns duke it out in what’s sure to be the ultimate shit show of the summer. Maybe the Vikings would give you a shot at being their starting quarterback. Hell, send them your highlight tape!

At the very least, they’ll probably let you battle it out with Uncle Rico for the third spot on the depth chart.

Let’s recap real quick.

Ponder started 2012 looking curiously serviceable, but that quickly went down the toilet. He ended up starting all 16 games for the Vikings, but somehow managed to not throw for 3,000 yards. In fact, Ponder threw for just 52 yards more than the only full-time starter you could argue was worse in 2012 — Mark Sanchez (Nacho!). And Nacho! only started 15 games.

And then there’s Cassel, who tossed six TDs and 12 interceptions in nine games before, mercifully, getting shut down.

After the season, the Vikings did the “Ponder’s our guy” routine. The Chiefs did no such thing with Cassel.

Now, the Vikings apparently aren’t so sure Ponder is their guy, so they brought in “competition” to push him to new heights. Really, the Vikings have to open the season with Ponder under center because they’re the idiots who wasted a first-round pick on him.

So that means Cassel will be replacing him as the starter around midseason.

Monty McMahon

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.



  1. Buster Bluth March 14, 2013

    Too bad about Ponder. Talk about a series of errors.
    First, the Vikings and Childress got Farved
    Second, they over reach and take him 10th or 12th overall
    Third, they strat the guy pretty much from day one
    Fourth, Leslie Frazier played for the Bears and inherited their philosophy that QB’s are more liability than asset.

    Can JT O Sullivan be far behind?

    1. GBslacker March 14, 2013

      “they strat the guy”

      what the fuck does that mean?

  2. Don Q March 14, 2013

    … and the futility continues. Que the price is right loser sound clip.

    1. Savage57 March 14, 2013

      It’s ‘cue’, and I’m just curious – who watches ‘The Price is Right’ enough to even know what the loser sound is?

      1. Phatgzus August 7, 2013

        Well he is ned Don Q so maybe he’s Latino as in Quixote or just really likes his Q’s, who doesn’t? One of the best letters in the English language along with the omega triplets ‘X’, ‘Y’, and ‘Z’.

        Who doesn’t watch The Price Is Right enough? That show and Bob Barker were the bomb diggety when I and 3 other generations were wee lads and lassies.

  3. meatcurtains March 14, 2013

    We talking about the same ponder who beat the packers in the last reg season game? Yall are lucky he didnt play the playoff game or the packers woulda lost that one too lol. Lets discuss the packers inability to tackle anyone or the awesome run game in gb lol. See yall. Next year

  4. TyKoSteamboat March 14, 2013

    Thats Brady Quinn in the stock photo up there…

  5. WhiteLightning March 14, 2013

    Savage- anyone who had a childhood knows the fail sound byte from PIR.. But here ya go.


    1. Savage57 March 15, 2013

      I have to disagree. I’m kind of grateful that my childhood didn’t include watching a lot of game shows.

      But I appreciate the clip to educate me.

  6. Jarlaxal March 15, 2013

    I wonder if the Queens will try to use Cassel as an incentive for GJ to sign. I would hope not since the guy is as useless as tits on a goose.

    1. Abe Frohman March 15, 2013

      maybe the gander appreciates ’em. you never know….

  7. rebelgb March 15, 2013

    Ponder has a fucked up shoulder and refused to be up front with the Vikings about it. Book it and take it to the bank. Must have had something to do with incentives.

    Considering Ponders are strength was questionable in the first place, his having a chronic shoulder problem is pretty much doom to his career.

    What do you have when you take a so so armed Ponder + a shoulder injury? Matt Cassel with less experience.

    God it must suck to be a Vikings fan….(or to live in that fucked up Liberal ass California want to be but without the good weather love to fuck goats State).

  8. David March 15, 2013

    Greg Jennings must be just staring at his phone waiting for TT to call him with an offer.

  9. tedtomato March 15, 2013

    Ponder whouldve shit the bed in the playoff game! You purple puke fags sure are ignorant! There is NO WAY the pack wouldve lost that game with chrissy butthole pounder in the game..in fact the score wouldve been more lopsided. Have fun being basement dwellers for the next 5 years! Maybe that homeless guy thats your teams mascot..or whatever it is will be your qb next year.

  10. Shawn March 15, 2013

    On the other hand, Ponder’s wife has been the highlight of the MI vs. WI game so far, which isn’t saying much.

    Props to her for taking his name and not acting like one of these female celebrities.

    Though in this case, I think him taking HER name would have been the better call.

    With an eye patch and a change to Christian Steele, he might actually be mistaken for a man.

    “Vasqueze, you ever been mistaken for a man?”
    “Have you?”

  11. Ryan Stehn March 15, 2013

    This article just shows any idiot can get on the internet and write whatever they want no matter how stupid it is. If I remember right Ponder played one hell of a game in order to beat the Packers and get the Vikings into the playoffs. Oh and Cassel is only being brought in to be a backup. Next time you want to write something how bout you actually get the facts straight you ignorant Packer fan.

    1. Shawn March 15, 2013

      Actually, the Vikings paid Cassel $4 million and said there would be a competition, which they obviously want Ponder to win.

      That much money clearly means Ponder will be on a shorter leash and will likely be benched if he has the kind of game he did against the Packers the first time around.

      I also would remind Viking fans that playing to make the playoffs is a helluva bigger incentive than playing for a cold-ass game at home.

  12. tedtomato March 17, 2013

    So now you have 2 shitty qbs and 2 receievers..wow..we should be so scared. You fucks so want your team to be the Green Bay Packers..why not just ditch those gay purple uniforms..and helmets and switch to the green & gold

  13. Evan August 6, 2013

    At least were not the fudge packers.