Buy More Pulltabs, You Ingrates!

Sorry, that was meant for Minnesota Vikings “fans,” not for you.

You see, after years loud talking through their main source of oxygen intake, the dickwads from Minnesota finally got a new stadium for their beloved Vikings. At least in theory they did. A bunch of folks — government types and the team owners — figured out how to split up the bill to pay for their glorious new Hormel Chili Dome. Part of that plan was to use revenue from gambling to help finance this new barn.

Well, that’s been going swimmingly.

Six months after the state approved a plan to fund a new Vikings stadium with charitable gambling, sales of electronic pulltabs and bingo are running nowhere near initial projections.

Gross revenues for the games are $7.5 million — just over one-fifth the $35 million projected last May. Projections for tax revenue from all charitable gambling, forecast at $17 million this fiscal year, are expected to be scaled back with Thursday’s state budget forecast.

So now the stadium plan is, once again, on shaky footing.

Surprisingly, Vikings fans may not even be to blame here. I mean, you’d figure they were too busy blowing their welfare checks on Hamm’s, cartons of Kools and some new siding for the trailer and not buying their damn pulltabs (and you’d probably be right). However, it looks like fault lies further up the idiot food chain.

Charities oversee the forms of gambling tabbed to help fund the stadium, but they’ve been slow to get them into bars. It turns out distributors have to pass background checks and you can probably see how that would be an issue for these rutabagas. In addition, there’s been no marketing and per-machine revenue has been around half of what was projected. A real solid plan put together by some real solid minds.

So now what?

More gambling! Less regulation!

Seriously, the state is contemplating creating new games that the charities won’t oversee so they can get them in bars faster. Thus, the morons will be parted with their money at a much faster rate.

Or, you know, you ingrates could just go buy your damn pulltabs already!