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It Pains Us, But Adrian Peterson is NFL MVP

Adrian Peterson

You know there’s nothing we hate more than the Minnesota Vikings and their idiotic fans, so it pains us to say this, but there’s no more avoiding it — Adrian Peterson is the NFL MVP.

It shouldn’t even be close.

Peterson’s chief competition seems to be Denver quarterback Peyton Manning and his giant forehead and, to a lesser degree, the Packers Aaron Rodgers and Patriots Tom Brady.

We’re going to go out on a limb and say it’s a two-man race and we’re also going to tell you why Corporate Shill/Manning Face doesn’t belong in the conversation.

First, the stats.

Peterson: 1,898 yards rushing, 11 touchdowns, 6.0 yards per carry, 215 receiving yards
Manning: 4,355 yards passing, 34 TDs, 11 INTs, 68.1 completion percentage, 103.7 rating

Now, the facts.

Peterson ranks first in rushing (by 400-plus yards!), second in rushing touchdowns and second in yards per carry among running backs.

Manning ranks sixth in passing yards, third in touchdowns, third in completion percentage and fourth in rating.

You could argue Manning isn’t even the best player at his position in the NFL this season. You could not argue that Peterson isn’t the best at his. He is. Far and away. By about 400 yards, in fact.

It should be noted that Peterson is currently 102 yards away from 2,000. Only six other guys in history have achieved that milestone. He’s also 208 from Eric Dickerson‘s single-season NFL mark.

If Peterson attains the latter mark, which we doubt he will, then this conversation isn’t a conversation at all. Peterson is the slam dunk choice for MVP.

Assuming he won’t gain 208 yards against the Packers on Sunday, here’s why Peterson is the better choice than Manning, beyond just the stats.

It really comes down to this.

The Vikings are a dried-up pig turd without Adrian Peterson. The Denver Broncos are fine without Peyton Manning.

Quick — name me three players on the Vikings not named Adrian Peterson.

Christian Ponder? Good one. At least he married a hot chick.

Percy Harvin? Doesn’t count. He only played nine games this season.

Jared Allen? Okay, but even that dumb hillbilly has had an off year by his standards.

The point is, everyone on the Vikings sucks donkey teat. Everyone not named Adrian Peterson, that is. That’s what makes what Peterson did all the more impressive. He had no help. Do you think teams were playing two deep all season to shut down the Vikings vaunted passing game?

No. The Vikings only have a vaunted passing attack in Christian Ponder‘s dreams.

Opposing defenses were stacking eight in the box to try to stop Peterson all day long. Didn’t work.

What about the Broncos?

They actually have some talent. Demaryius Thomas, Elvis Dumervil, Champ Bailey, Von Miller, etc. They also have the third-ranked defense in the NFL (the Vikings are 16th).

Remember, the 2011 Denver Broncos were 8-8 and won a playoff game with the worst quarterback in the history of the NFL, Tim Tebow, at the helm.

Clearly, Manning improved that situation dramatically. However, he didn’t carry a bunch of losers like Peterson did.

Without Manning, the Broncos are still 8-8 this season, which is more than good enough to make the playoffs in the AFC West. Without Peterson, the Vikings are 3-13.

Couple that with the fact that we’d rather lick sweat off an old woman’s bunions than admit the Minnesota Vikings did anything positive and it’s pretty clear this is an open and shut case.

Monty McMahon

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.



  1. Adam December 27, 2012

    I have no argument with this. Pretty much sums up how I’ve felt about the MVP award for the past few weeks.

  2. Ivomitonvikingfans December 27, 2012

    No doubt this will become the greatest moment in Canadian Sports history when this half wit wins MVP. Congrats Viking fans. This will be as good as it gets for you. Pack 31 Vikes 13. Fuckers.

  3. Drunk on Duval Street December 27, 2012

    I was thinking
    GB 38
    MN 24

    Tears will be shed into bowls of Hormel chili in MN by turds wearing purple on Sunday night.

  4. camcpack December 27, 2012

    I know i am off topic, but am i the only one who thinks Driver is getting the extremlt dry high hard one this season. I know he has lost a step or two, but MM is a DICK for doing him like that. He should be getting more field time, and not getting fucked like he is.

    1. Phatgzus December 27, 2012

      You are the only one.

  5. Dave December 27, 2012

    I’m with him. ^

  6. James Bennett December 27, 2012

    I expect us to beat the Vikings. Our defense has been showing steady improvement, the Vikes have a substandard QB, Peterson has to run out of gas sometime, and Aaron Rodgers playing in climate-controlled conditions is lethal.

    1. Phatgzus December 27, 2012

      Aye, Rodgers is so lethal in domes they should call him sodium pentothal.

  7. Iltarion December 28, 2012

    Don’t agree with this.

    If the Packers hold Peterson below 100 yards and win, then Peterson has no 2000 yards and the Vikings don’t make the playoffs. Thus, in my mind, no case for MVP.

    Peterson needs 2000 yards AND the Vikes need to make the playoffs for him to get the nod.

    Even if I concede the Broncos are an 8-8 team without Manning, the Vikes are a 9-7 team WITH AP, and likely a 6-10 team without him. So what?

  8. GreenAndYellow December 28, 2012

    absolutely think AP is the MVP and i have no shame admitting that i love watching him run all over bitches…however, if i had to bet, i think it will go to the player who does indeed look the most like his mascot, probably in all of sports (unless you count coaches, cuz then bo ryan has to be in the mix cuz he seriously looks like a badger, esp when he’s raging pissed). everyone is and has always been on mannings D. the media loves his neck surgeries and they love to give the MVP to a QB. its obviously the most important position in football, but i think that only makes AP’s case stronger, cuz his QB ain’t doin shit and they almost made the playoffs this year.

    bottom line is as stated in the article – see tim tebow last year…

  9. Vijay December 28, 2012

    AP will win the NFC Comeback player of the year award and Manning will get the co-MVP in a tie with Rodgers!!!???

  10. Lynn fuckin' Dickey December 28, 2012

    AP will get it, that team is ONLY relevant because of him. The Broncos got to the divisional round last year with a QB who can’t actually play the position. Manning has been a boon to that team but he has a lot of talent around him. The Viking have purple Jesus and literally only purple Jesus.

    Who would we LIKE to see in the playoffs? I have no doubt the pack can take either CHI or MIN (we will not get the 2nd seed so we will play the no. 6 seed.) I’d rather not play SEA, they are the Team of Destiny this year, I think, unfortunately. No one from the NFC East scares me, except for the Giants, but I don’t think they’ll sneak in this year.

    In the AFC it’s almost certainly going to be Manning v. Brady in the Championship game. I think the pack can take whichever team emerges out of that conference. If we can avoid or beat SF I think another SB run is very likely.

    1. Andy December 30, 2012

      What do you mean we wont get the 2? We just need to beat the vikings, not so hard. MM wont rest players for this one as there is a huge incentive here, the bye week a home game and the chance to keep the vikes out.

      As long as the 49ers keep sliding i like our chances against all others.

      Seattle at lambeau with a chip on our shoulders

      NFC north wildcard teams

      Atlanta in their nice warm dome

      There is no situation there that we cant win

  11. Lynn fuckin' Dickey December 30, 2012

    Yes, I was mistaken; I thought we needed to win vs MIN AND have SF drop one. Must have had a brain fart and forgot that SEA beat them last week.

  12. Pack Lethal December 30, 2012

    Hey Chris Restivo,
    I stand corrected! I always wondered why so many people on this site hated the Vikings. I never felt this hatred, voiced so many times over, as I equated the Vikings to the medium-sized rock in my back yard… I mean the rock never did anything, nothing! It just sat there, I suppose if I flipped it over I might find it giving shelter to a few bugs but that would be its only real impact, a perennial inert object that one would place no real expectations on. I just never thought anything of them but, as I was just made aware, the Vikings accolades include 8 NFC Championship & 4 Super Bowls appearances…. Never mind that they only have, uhm, how many titles? They are a vision of sustained excellence!

  13. Whathafuck January 1, 2013

    Man people needs to quit hating on teams especially this site man hating on every player not on the packers

  14. PackerJack January 2, 2013

    Aaron Rogers was charged with sexually assaulting his centers balls in college and only got off on a technicality. True story. Google it.

  15. Antonio January 30, 2013

    All you fucking cheeseheads go to hell. i dont see u guys doing any better than ap or percy harvin or jared allen or christian ponder so stick your damn wisconsin cheese up your ass and go back to watching aaron roders being a loser.

  16. Antonio January 30, 2013

    if you guys can only talk bad about other teams just keep it to yourselves. didnt ur parents tell u if u cant say anything nice dont say anything at all