Type to search

The Green Bay Packers host the San Francisco 49ers on Sunday. Here’s what you need to know and what you should look for.

Who’s not going to play?
James Starks, Jamari Lattimore and Davon House for the Packers. House is the only potential starter of the bunch. The 49ers will probably be without returner Ted Ginn and running back Brandon Jacobs. Ginn’s absence means Kyle Williams will be returning punts. He’s the guy who fumbled two in the NFC Championship game last season.

Who should I bet on?
Shit. It’s the first week of the season and we know nothing about anyone. The Packers are five-point favorites. If I had to, I’d take the 49ers, but only because I think it’s going to be a close game.

What to watch for

Marshall Newhouse’s ass — He just might get it handed to him. Newhouse is the Packers weakest offensive lineman and he’ll be facing two of the league’s better pass rushers on Sunday — Justin Smith and Aldon Smith. Justin, the defensive end, had 7.5 sacks last season. Aldon, the linebacker, had 14. Newhouse got handled by top-tier pass rushers last season. Sunday will tell us if he improved at all.

Marshall Newhouse

Randy Moss being a dick — That’s right. This turd is back in the NFL with the 49ers after retiring for a year. Remember when he was with the Vikings and fake mooned the crowd in Lambeau? Yeah, that was awesome. Moss is definitely older, but we doubt he’s any smarter. If Ken Stills came flying out of nowhere and leveled Moss after the whistle like he was a member of the ’85 Bears, we wouldn’t bat an eye.

Randy Moss moon

The white kid — Even though he had more than 1,200 yards receiving last season, Jordy Nelson still doesn’t get any respect. In fact, his teammates are still playing the “white guy” card for him. Like, “Nobody thinks Jordy is a good receiver because he’s white.” Well, Jordy is a good receiver in spite of being white, but you can bet the 49ers will be paying closer attention to Greg Jennings and Jermichael Finley. That’s total reverse racism! If Jordy were on my fantasy team, he’d damn sure be in the starting lineup this week.

Jordy Nelson

Jim Harbaugh self-combusting — The 49ers boss is a good coach, but people also forget — he’s a complete and total dick. There was the incident when he was at Stanford and got in a confrontation with then-USC coach Pete Carroll after the Cardinal unnecessarily ran up the score on SC. Then there was the game in Detroit last season when Harbaugh went at a douchebag of equal measure, Lions’ coach Jim Schwartz, after the game. The two had to be separated. Let’s also never forget Harbaugh’s most famous play as quarterback of the Chicago Bears — the audible. I’d love to see the Packers run up the score on the 49ers just to hear what dick statement Harbaugh would make after the game.

Monty McMahon

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.



  1. Rebelgb September 7, 2012

    LOL good stuff! The only thing I dont get is the dumbass statement “id probably take the 49ers but only because I think its going to be close…”

    Um huh? Packers are the home team and this is a Packer site. So if you think its going to be close id go with the Packers you douche bag…

  2. iltarion September 7, 2012

    Haha… rebel, like the passion, but what he meant was that he would take the 5 points because he thinks it is going to be closer than that.

    The main thing to watch in this game is Aaron Rodgers. The Packers have one significant advantage over the 49ers, at QB. If Rodgers isn’t on his game, the Packers will lose.

    Last year, Rodgers started the season the same as he ended it the season before. That would be a bad sign for the Packers. Rodgers needs to play better than he did against the Giants and better than he did in the preseason.

    1. ay hombre September 8, 2012

      I agree on many levels. ARodge has not come out of the gate with the same efficiency he did in 2011. Not in practice and not in preseason action. Hopefully he finds his swagger early on.

  3. Vijay September 8, 2012

    I’d like the Packers to go 2-2 in the first month of the season, so this is one of those ‘learn from’ losses.

  4. ay hombre September 8, 2012

    The 49ers frighten me and my only hope is that ARodge doesn’t need to be scraped off the tundra too many times. Let’s just get out of this one without injury. That’s the most important thing in my opinion.

    I am a huge Packer fan but I tend to agree with Monty. The spread feels a little high. I think the Pack should be about 3.5 point faves. That being said, we have owned the Niners for a long time, which probably factored in the line.

  5. Pack Lethal September 8, 2012

    Harbaugh is a dick, hopefully his arrogance blows up in his face. Go Pack Go. Richard can go to hell.

  6. WhiteLightning September 8, 2012

    Schedule makers didn’t do the Packers any favors to start the year this season, better hope the offense clicks right out of the gate and the D can hold its own otherwise it could be a rough 4 game stretch here. They play solid GB football they go 3-1, 4-0.. They play like the did against the Giants they can go 1-3

  7. tocco42 September 9, 2012

    There is no such thing as reverse racism, just racism.