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Surprise! Someone Wants Out of Minnesota

The Minnesota Vikings probably have three players who would actually see the field on any other NFL team and now (surprise!) one of them wants out.

Receiver Percy Harvin has asked for a trade. He went so far as to skip the team’s second mandatory minicamp practice yesterday. Although he returned today, it doesn’t look like he’s backing down.

The Vikings say they won’t trade Harvin and that’s probably the best move. If they were to trade him they’d set a precedent — an unhappy player who makes some noise will get moved to a real franchise. Pretty soon, they’d have no players because who the hell would be happy playing for the fucking Vikings?

Harvin says his discontent isn’t about money, although we suspect that’s probably a big part of it. Harvin is still playing out his rookie deal and will make $915,000 this season, which is pretty paltry for the only guy who can actually catch a ball on the Vikings offense.

So, if Harvin’s beef isn’t about money, what could it be about? Here are our ideas.

  • Brett Favre is no longer around to send Percy pictures of his dick
  • Leslie Frazier is too toothy when giving head, Brad Childress had much better technique
  • Now that he’s married, Jared Allen has discontinued his annual Sheep Fuck-a-thon
  • With so many other criminals on the team, Percy can’t get any recognition for his off-field exploits
  • He has to live in Minnesota, for Christ sake!
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Monty McMahon

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.

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8 Comments

  1. peter June 21, 2012

    someone’s having a pms headache again

  2. nurseratchett June 21, 2012

    Someone married Jared Allen? Bitches are hard up these days.

  3. Abe Frohman June 22, 2012

    I guess he’s not as stupid as I thought….

  4. Nuadormrac June 25, 2012

    Sounds like the Vi’queens, can be drama queens at times :o

  5. iltarion June 26, 2012

    Dude doesn’t like to practice. He is probably making a stink just to get out of OTAs and training camp.