Surprise! Someone Wants Out of Minnesota

The Minnesota Vikings probably have three players who would actually see the field on any other NFL team and now (surprise!) one of them wants out.

Receiver Percy Harvin has asked for a trade. He went so far as to skip the team’s second mandatory minicamp practice yesterday. Although he returned today, it doesn’t look like he’s backing down.

The Vikings say they won’t trade Harvin and that’s probably the best move. If they were to trade him they’d set a precedent — an unhappy player who makes some noise will get moved to a real franchise. Pretty soon, they’d have no players because who the hell would be happy playing for the fucking Vikings?

Harvin says his discontent isn’t about money, although we suspect that’s probably a big part of it. Harvin is still playing out his rookie deal and will make $915,000 this season, which is pretty paltry for the only guy who can actually catch a ball on the Vikings offense.

So, if Harvin’s beef isn’t about money, what could it be about? Here are our ideas.

• Brett Favre is no longer around to send Percy pictures of his dick
• Leslie Frazier is too toothy when giving head, Brad Childress had much better technique
• Now that he’s married, Jared Allen has discontinued his annual Sheep Fuck-a-thon
• With so many other criminals on the team, Percy can’t get any recognition for his off-field exploits
• He has to live in Minnesota, for Christ sake!