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Chicago Bears: This Year’s Paper Champions

Lance Briggs

Remember last offseason when the Philadelphia Eagles crowned themselves Super Bowl champions before the season even began?

Yeah, that “Dream Team” finished 8-8.

Well, now the Chicago Bears are crowning themselves paper champions in June. Or at least linebacker Lance Briggs is.

“On paper, we look like a champion, but we have a lot of work to do before we can be called a champion,” Briggs said. “There were moves that were made in the offseason to bring in a lot of veteran (players). Of course, Brandon Marshall and Michael Bush just put us in a position where we’re able to transition that stuff onto the field to be a real contender.”

Let’s all run and mark them down for a Super Bowl win!

Really, this is the kind of statement I love. Instead of saying, “Hey, we made some nice moves in the offseason and I like our chances,” some idiot, without fail, crowns his team in June or July before a down of football has been played.

That it happens to be the Green Bay Packers chief rival is even better. It will be better still when the Bears miss the playoffs.

Have they made improvements? I guess. Their receiving corps couldn’t get any worse, so adding Marshall won’t hurt even if he punches some broad in the face and gets suspended for half the season. Signing Bush was a decent move, although they’d be wise to pony up and pay their offense — a guy who goes by the name of Matt Forte.

Forte is still unsigned and could hold out.

Oh, and then there’s that shitty offensive line and that secondary that scares no one, except maybe small children. Maybe Marshall can play DB and Bush can play tackle.

Monty McMahon

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.



  1. nurseratchett June 26, 2012

    Well, it will be especially nice to hand the Bears their ass twice this season. But isn’t it always?

    1. Kozak June 27, 2012

      Twice? The Pack beat them 4 times in 2011
      Jan 2, 23, Sep 25, Dec 13.
      Don’t know if that’s ever been done before….

  2. PackerBob June 26, 2012

    Don’t overlook the Bears just because they’re are rivals. They’re legitimate contenders. That being said, FUCK DA BEARS!!.

    1. DevilDon June 26, 2012

      OK BOB, where would you rank them among the 32 NFL teams. Legitimate contender? Of course they are but when you get tired of overlooking the Bears you’re just not enjoying Packer football these days.

  3. iltarion June 26, 2012

    I overlook the Bears and will continue to.

    They have an aging defense that fluctuates between being solid and being porous.

    They have a shoddy offensive line and a QB with the tendency to throw it up when pressured.

    They added a back up at a position where they were already decent, and they added a WR who alternates between hating his QB and hating women.

    In the AFC, they could make the playoffs as a wildcard. In a very strong NFC, I don’t see it.

  4. Ivomitonvikingfans June 26, 2012

    I really hope that Thurs. night game is a fucking blowout. A Germany v. France 1940 style blowout. I hope it is over by 8:00 left in the 2nd quarter. I want the Bears season to end that night. I want Urlacher to realize the futility and retire after the game. I want all of their shit-eating fans fleeing back to that foul smelling hell they call a State crying, confused, and scared. I want to listen to The Score on Friday and hear the despair coming from their stupid pidgin speaking mouths. Fucking blowhards.

  5. Jonathan June 27, 2012

    I think Lance Briggs should go wreck another Lamborghini. It is quite the automobile…on paper

  6. packertepresentvince June 28, 2012

    Ivo I get that you’re passionate about the packees as we all are. But get a life and move out of your mom’s basement. I doubt Chicagoans would ever be confused and scared of anything that ever has to do with Wisconsin. Its like the nice german little brother up north. Come to the englewood neighborhood and you’ll leave crying and scared in less than five minutes because the city that works is full of tough people who have many things to look forward outside of football. Even if they lose a couple games to the packers they still have so much more to look forward to as there is so much to do in a great city. Also, it looks more like briggs is saying they now have the pieces in place to be a contender towards a trophy but that they won’t win the championship if they don’t work hard. Nothing about crowning themselves. That being said, lets beat them twice and make this possibility of contending dissapear.

  7. toolkien July 1, 2012

    Peppers, 30+
    Urlacher, 30+
    Briggs, 30+
    Tillman, 30

    Sounds like a bunch of post-peak players doing their best to convince themselves than they are to convince anyone else. There’s two years MAX left in this collection of players. The know they have to get something done and pronto. Doesn’t mean they will though. Lovie’s on his last life, and if they burn off two more years of Cutler without getting anything done, it’s blow up the team time.

  8. Slevin July 10, 2012

    LOL, at what point in Briggs’ quote did he crown the Bears anything other than a talented team with potential?! Seems like a pretty level headed statement to me. Thus the “on paper”. Which he almost certainly placed just to preemptively thwart “try hard” reporters and idiot bloggers. Somehow that went right over your head. Im a Bears fan but respect the Packers as an organization. As for you.. as a fan and well a writer, you’re an idiot. This article undoubtedly is covered in the stench of fear. Nobody is running away with the NFC North this year, that includes the Packers.