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Lance Briggs

We know you’re frightened. Terrified, even.

Before you begin laughing, the Chicago Bears are a contender again. How do we know this? Linebacker Lance Briggs said so.

“It feels like a miracle, what they’ve done this offseason.”

Briggs continued: “They’ve gone out and gotten a bunch of guys that are going to help us win a championship. I know that … we are a contender. Even guys that have signed, they know they signed here instead of possibly other places because we’re a contender.”

Or maybe they signed there because no one else wanted them. Who knows?

Briggs is off base about one thing, though. What the team has done this offseason is not a miracle. It’s the result of having someone who isn’t a total buffoon as a general manager. You know, when you hire Matt Millen or Jerry Angelo to run the show, you get Matt Millen and Jerry Angelo-style results. Just ask the Detroit Lions or anyone on the Bears who isn’t Lance Briggs.

Briggs wasn’t done anointing the Bears just yet, either.

“Would I call us the dream team?” Briggs said. “No, I would not. But I would say we’re a championship-caliber team, potentially. … We have to go out and transition it to the field. We have to go out and turn the paper into reality.”

Ah yes, paper champions, just like last year’s Philadelphia Eagles. They managed to finish just short of the Super Bowl and by just short, we mean not in the playoffs.

Briggs’ comments raise another question. Will anyone ever use the term dream team to describe their football operation again? We bet not. We also have to wonder if the moron who uttered those words, quarterback Vince Young, it will ever get a job in the NFL again. He’s currently unsigned, but guys like Caleb Hanie and Byron Leftwich, who was out of football last season, have secured jobs.

Anyway, back to the Bears. Briggs got himself a nice, new contract extension, so he’s pretty happy. One guy who isn’t, is running back Matt Forte, also known as the Chicago offense. Forte has been looking for a long-term deal for some time and received the franchise tag this offseason. He says he won’t sign his tender, which would force the Bears to sign him long-term, sit around and watch him not play or deal him.

We’ll think about the Bears being contenders when that situation is resolved.

Monty McMahon

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.



  1. David April 12, 2012

    Super Bowl Champions!

    ….. potentially

  2. scott April 12, 2012

    Wait for it……

  3. nurseratchett April 12, 2012

    Hmm, who does he sound like?? Why is this familiar?? OH! I KNOW!

    “Clifford Franklin hasn’t even begun to show Clifford Franklin’s potential. Clifford Franklin came here because this is a championship calibar team. The possibilities are endless now that we have all the Clifford Franklins is in Shitcago.”

  4. PackerBob April 13, 2012

    Here’s an idea. Why don’t you try paying your elite RB? You know, the guy who pretty much single handedly makes da Bears relevant.

  5. JD April 13, 2012

    The packers have a crap defense and will get owned this year not only by the BEARS but the Lions will own them also. Get a defense. Peppers is gonna hurt Rodgers this year. And where will ur team be. Report on ur own team doushebag.

  6. Lynn Fuckin' Dickey April 13, 2012


    typical of a Bears fan to wish injury to another team’s players. because that’s the ONLY way the Bears can hope to beat the Pack. Go jerk off to pictures of Ditka some more, you fucking cretin

  7. Hacksaw April 13, 2012

    It’s funny how these turds find their way on this website and bitch about what we say about their shit teams. Just for that I hope the earth opens up and swallows that fuck-hole known as Chicago along with Lance Briggs and the rest of that joke of a team.

  8. scott April 13, 2012

    Fuck the Bears.

  9. iltarion April 13, 2012

    Put Graham Harrell in there and the Pack would still kick the crap out of the Bears.

    Get real.

    The Packers have won a Super Bowl more recently than the Bears have won a game against them. Enough said.

  10. armyguy April 14, 2012

    Chicago who?