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Matt Flynn

Jesus Christ. It’s only day two of free agency and I’m already exhausted.

So many stupid teams, so little stupid time. Fortunately, we have some news about the Green Bay Packers‘ free agents today. Let’s get to it!


Center Scott Wells‘ name didn’t come up yesterday, but it came up today. Wells visited the Tennessee Titans, who are all about centers this offseason. In addition to Wells, they’ve also reportedly contacted the guy the Packers seem to view as Wells’ replacement, Houston free agent Chris Myers. Myers is set to arrive in Nashville on Thursday, which is a sign the Titans weren’t all that enamored with Wells. If a team likes a free agent, the goal is to not let him leave town without a contract. There’s no indication the Titans offered Wells anything.


The Matt Flynn Victory Tour has begun! Flynn is headed to Seattle on Thursday, but Miami also wants a shot. The Dolphins are reportedly in negotiations with Aaron Rodgers‘ soon-to-be-former backup. In addition, the Browns appear to be back in the picture. Yesterday they weren’t signing Flynn, today they want to. So much for journalism in Cleveland.


They franchised him, so this was more or less a foregone conclusion, but the Eagles inked receiver DeSean Jackson. The mercurial one got $51 million over five years. Now, if the Eagles can just go out and sign every name free agent on the market, we’re pretty sure they’ll have a recipe for success.


The New York Giants, who didn’t need a tight end to beat the Packers in the playoffs, now have one. They signed Martellus Bennett away from NFC East rival Dallas. Bennett is one of those potential guys. He has the tools, but he didn’t get many opportunities sitting behind Jason Witten in Dallas. He’s a huge target (6-6, 270) for Eli, he came cheap (one year, $2.5 million) and more importantly, he once wrote a column about how black people love fried chicken. It’s brilliant stuff. Literary genius, in fact.


Another brilliant move by the Bears! They signed Eric Weems, a kick returner, to a three-year deal. Hell, the Bears don’t have any kick returners. Great move!


The Lions made perhaps the most significant move of the day by signing receiver Calvin Johnson to an extension. Johnson got seven years and $132 million from the Leos, with $60 million guaranteed. You read that right — $60 f’ing million! We were going to ask why someone would actually sign a deal to stay in a place like Detroit, but we have our answer.


Down in Tampa, the Bucs made another significant move, signing guard Carl Nicks to a five-year deal worth $47.5 million. Nicks, who the Bucs stole from division rival New Orleans, was the best offensive lineman on the market.


We had forgotten about the Dallas Cowboys. Normally, the best GM in football, Jerry Jones, would have done something stupid by this time. Actually, let’s be honest, he wouldn’t have just done something stupid. He would have done something stupid on a grandiose Texas-style scale the way only Jerry Jones could have done something stupid. Well, here’s a surprise, the Cowpies actually made what looks like a good signing — they nabbed free agent quarterback Kyle Orton, a.k.a. The Neck Beard, for three years. You best be looking over your shoulder Tony Romo and you best be looking for a neck beard.

Of course, as soon as Jones makes a nice move, he does what we all expected. The Cowboys signed cornerback Brandon Carr for $50.1 million over five years. Carr was one of the top two corners in a weak cornerback market and Dallas needed one, but they’re now paying a dude with eight career interceptions $10 million a year. Here’s who the Cowboys secondary scared yesterday: no one. Here’s who they scare today: no one.


Alas! The Minnesota Vikings — the asshole of the NFL — have a signing in the books! The Queens scored the major coup of landing tight end John Carlson. JC, as his boy-bandmates call him, used to play with Seattle and his first two years in the league were decent. Then, in 2010 he only recorded 318 yards and one touchdown. Last season, he sat out with an injury. The important thing here is he grew up in Minnesota, so he’s someone the locals can look up to who isn’t a rapist. Oh, and his deal was for five years and $25 mil.


We’ll update as more glorious free agent news happens.

Monty McMahon

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.



  1. AZPack March 14, 2012

    Flynn’s beard is pretty impressive.

  2. Ron Mexico March 14, 2012

    An update posted less than two hours later on that site states the Browns are not, nor were they ever, pursuing Matt Flynn. I swear to god that organization revels in it’s reputation as “a factory of sadness” and doesn’t seem to want to exist at a competitive level in this league.

    I know Manning blew up Flynn’s spot, but is there really that little interest in this guy? He’s proven he’s a good QB, sure you can attribute that to “the system” or to GB’s many weapons, but even so, he’s got to be better than some of the clowns starting for teams in the NFL. Seems like Seattle is the only team interested (to “compete” with Jackson for the job. Seems like a no-brainer to me.)

    1. PackerBob March 14, 2012

      You know how the NFL works. You say the exact opposite of what you’re going to do. Unless someone figures it out. Then you actually do it. Or maybe you don’t.

      It’s the same logic that results in headlines that Peyton Manning is officially signing with the Broncos and the Cardinals.

      I guess the point is to spin it until we’re too dizzy to make sense of anything.

  3. Kevin March 14, 2012

    Rumor is that Wells still thinks he’s worth 7+ million per year. That’s too rich for our blood and apparently too rich for the Titans as well

  4. nurseratchett March 14, 2012

    Monty, you are on FIRE. the asshole of the NFL? nice.

    Thanks for the update, and the laughs.

  5. JK March 15, 2012

    Spoken like a true homer.

    Another year of the pack doing ABSOLUTELY nothing in free agency. Woodson is done, or close. This team desperately needs to make a huge free agent splash with someone again and will not.

    Now your money will be tied up in players not worth crap like Finley, and the HUGE rogers contract coming next year. Plus now Jennings is in line for a huge contract raise.

    Scott Wells will leave, and your O line will be concussion time again with Rogers. Your D will still suck massive amounts since they will ‘try and build’ through the draft. Plus finally the North is getting good. No more crap years for detroit/chicago.

    Dom Capers is a book. He comes in, first year is good, second year his D is great. 3rd 4th 5th years he is awful and leaves.


  6. iltarion March 15, 2012

    What did the 2011 Giants do in free agency before winning the Super Bowl?

    What did the 2010 Packers do in free agency before winning the Super Bowl?

    What did the 2009 Saints do in free agency before winning the Super Bowl?

    What do the Steelers ever do in free agency, besides lose people?

    Grow a brain. The Packers dominated the NFL and didn’t lose a football game for an entire fucking year. Let me say that again, didn’t lose a football game for an entire fucking year.

    All of our money is tied up in the guys we drafted because they are actually GOOD.

    Besides, we were 15-1. How many guys do we need?