Yeah, it took us a while to get around to this in the haze following the Green Bay Packers loss to the New York Giants, but we’re going to make it up to.
Since we were busy getting drunk last Saturday night, we were unaware that the Miss America pageant was on. Strangely, a chick from Wisconsin — Laura Kaeppeler — won. That’s right. We were dumbfounded as well. Kenosha’s Laura Kaeppeler is Miss America, which is fucking awesome in and of itself.
Here’s what we know about Laura. She went to Carthage College, she sings opera, she’s 23, she looks damn good in a bikini, and she’s a Green Bay Packers fan. Oh, and she apparently has a crush on Aaron Rodgers.
When she introduced herself Saturday night, she said, “If you’re watching, Aaron Rodgers, call me.”
It must be good to be the starting quarterback for the greatest professional football franchise in the history of the universe. Rodgers was asked about Kaeppeler’s proposition this week and he said he hasn’t called her and then danced around the question.
As far as we know, he’s still dating Destiny Newton, who’s pretty damn hot herself. Miss America, she is not, though.
Anyway, here’s more of Laura.
I’m 6’1″ 225(only half of that is paunch), my name is Aaron, I have a brother-in-law named Roger. I sometimes remember the Packer games I go to. Do I have a shot?
Wait a minute: are you saying a WI chic won a Miss America pageant? Are you sure it wasnt the Able To Eat The Most Corn Dogs Pageant, or the Most Jelly Rolls Pageant? Was this like when the hot chics at school nominated the fugly chic to be Prom Queen?
What the fuck is going on around here?
Ok after looking at her pictures I have come to 2 very logical conclusions:
1 – Miss America’s parents obviously moved here from somewhere on the West Coast in an attempt to upgrade our breeding pool.
2- Id drop a load in her faster than a union dump truck driver at a work site on at noon on a Friday….
Smooth talk like that and I can’t imagine how she could resist, or how any woman could for that matter. Unfortunately, Miss America seems to only have eyes for Mister Discount Double Choke.
Congrats on being the 1 millionth person to use the discount double choke joke. Very original. Using jokes stolen from other people is also a hit with the ladies. Especially when they were lame the first time.
Miss America must work at Subway because she just gave me a Footlong!
Discount Double Choke… third grade humor huh Dick. Must be a Viking fan.
I wouldn’t know, I’m not still in the 3rd grade. Good luck breaking that barrier into the 4th grade this year though, Buddy, since I’m sure you’d hate to have to repeat the 3rd grade yet again.
Camel Toe in the bikini pics?
Hey, she kinda looks like a young Deanna!? Wheres my camera phone….
This young woman is much better than that tramp stamp havin’ current gf of Aaron’s…but there’s no accounting for personal taste.
It didn’t sound like Buddy heard it before. Besides, it’s not a joke if it’s true.
Richard (Dick) has such a hate for Packer fans that he wastes his personal time on Total Packers. After the Pack lost I was ready to move on, it didn’t bother me because we had such a great season. I mean come on, 15 wins, and most of them were ass whoopings (especially against the Viqueens at Lambeau) Excellent season! When you have some ass-clown (namely Richard aka dick-boy) talk shit on a Packers site stating the obvious it only proves what kind of a jerk-off this guy really is. The fact that his Vikings went 3-13 and the Pack went 15-2 further proves his jealousy so the more comments he makes the more his jealousy is revealed.
No love for the ViQueens, I’m actually jealous of Eli Manning. I have a lot of respect for quarterbacks who win playoff games at Lambeau.
I have a lot of respect for Quarterbacks that sweep the division.
I have no respect for the worst defense ever in the history of the NFL: the 2011 Green Bay Slackers.
Didn’t the Bengals sweep the North a few years ago, before getting smashed by the Jets in the playoffs at home? I think the Raiders swept last year as well and didn’t even make it in.
She doesn’t live in CA.
Hence, the problem.
Didn’t the Bears go 8-8? Didn’t the Packers carve up thier defense 4 times last year?
I have no respect for Bears fans with shitty retorts.
I have a lot of respect for the 2011 NFL MVP.
Richard, give Buddy the benefit of the doubt. It was not third grade but fourth when it was funny to call people with the name of Richard, dick.