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Jay Cutler’s Knee Fantastic, Vagina Still Hurts

Jay Cutler

Cutler in his natural state.

We’re glad to know the get well card we sent to [intlink id=”13″ type=”category”]Chicago Bears[/intlink] quarterback [intlink id=”405″ type=”category”]Jay Cutler [/intlink] after he stood around with a dumb look on his face for the second half of the NFC Championship game paid off.

Cutler, who “sprained his knee” at the beginning of the third quarter, is back to playing football now that nothing at all is on the line. Bears teammate Kahlil Bell says Cutler looks fantastic lobbing passes to teammates in the face of a non-existent pass rush.

“Jay looks fine, man,” Bell said. “The last couple of times I went, we did throwing stuff and I couldn’t even tell he had an injury. “A lot of people made a lot about what happened, but I think he’s going to be all right. I know he’s going to be all right. He looks fantastic.”

While the Bears can breathe a sigh of relief because they no longer have to worry about Cutler’s knee, they do have another problem — his vagina still hurts.

In Cutler’s case, that’s extremely problematic, since his whole body is a giant vagina.

It’s unclear if Cutler will be able to start the season for Chicago in anything other than his customary role of standing around and looking stupid.

Monty McMahon

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.



  1. El Sleazarino June 15, 2011

    What an amazing recovery! It sounds like he wasn’t even injured at all!

    Good for Jay…


  2. Flyboy7588 June 16, 2011

    Hey, if you had the Packer defense running you down and trying to kill you, you would fake an injury too.

  3. Pack Morris June 16, 2011

    Awesome headline.

  4. DoubleDave June 19, 2011

    so good

  5. jay June 29, 2011

    hey FAG pack fans GET off his dick, if it wasnt for US lettin u in the playoffs in the first place you wouldnt have SHIT to say.. FYI rodgers is a FUCKIN pussy.. he’ll NEVER be what farve was… and CUTLER in the long run will be a WAY better QB then rodgers… BETS any one????

  6. dontfavreitup July 4, 2011

    You’re right! The Bears completely let the Packers in the play offs, which is why the let Jay Cutler get sacked SIX times. Brilliant strategy!
    If it wasn’t for the Packers committing 18 penalties on Monday Night Football, there’s no way the Bears would have won that game, and consequently they wouldn’t have made the play offs. The 2010 Bears were one of the luckiest teams I have ever seen.
    Rodgers has already equaled Favre in the number of Super Bowl wins, so he’s already lived up to Favre’s standards.
    Rodgers blows Cutler away in every passing category. This isn’t an opinion, it’s a fact. Cutler’s overall stats are mediocre at best. Even his pro-bowl season wasn’t anything special: He threw 25 TD to 18 INT; not exactly an elite number. Cutler will be riding the pine in no time flat.