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Rex Ryan’s Jets Totally Should Have Won Super Bowl XLV

Rex Ryan

Not fat. Furry.

It’s a good thing the Green Bay Packers squared off against the [intlink id=”386″ type=”category”]Pittsburgh Steelers[/intlink] in [intlink id=”1425″ type=”category”]Super Bowl XLV[/intlink].

Had they faced two-time AFC Championship game losers, the [intlink id=”69″ type=”category”]New York Jets[/intlink], the Lombardi Trophy would currently reside in New Jersey.

No, I’m serious.

Jets coach Rex Ryan said so. And you know he’s not a fat, blathering, idiot who just loves to hear himself talk.

“I just watched the Super Bowl (XLV) at home,” Ryan wrote in his book “Play Like You Mean It: Passion, Laughs and Leadership in the World’s Most Beautiful Game.” “I’m only going to the Super Bowl if my dad (Buddy) or my brother (Rob) is in it. It’s too painful. We don’t even do a party at the house. I thought Green Bay was to going to have the upper hand on Pittsburgh. Their passing attack was giving everyone problems. But I truly believe we would have beaten Green Bay. We only lost to them 9-0 during the season, and we gave them two of the field goals because of mistakes.”

I absolutely love revisionist history.

In fact, it’s fun for the whole family. Let’s give it a try.

If the Packers had beaten the [intlink id=”298″ type=”category”]New York Giants[/intlink] in the 2007 NFC Championship game, they would have won Super Bowl XLII.

Damn. You see how good that feels?

We just gave the Packers a fifth Lombardi Trophy.

Hell, why stop there?

If the Packers had beaten the [intlink id=”140″ type=”category”]Dallas Cowboys[/intlink] in the 1995 NFC Championship game, they totally would have killed the Pittsburgh Steelers in Super Bowl XXX.

Look at that! The Packers suddenly have six Super Bowl wins!

Hell yeah!

If you didn’t catch all of that, don’t worry. It will all be in my new book: “Douchey Douchebags and the Douche that Comes Out of Their Mouthes.”

Obviously, anyone can get a book deal, so I may as well write one.

Spoiler alert: by the time you reach chapter four, the Green Bay Packers will have won 12 Super Bowls, developed a new, sustainable form of energy, cured cancer and taken over for the Justice League as protectors of the earth.

Monty McMahon

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.



  1. Matt April 30, 2011

    Thank you for that! I needed a good laugh to really get my day moving!

  2. Cody April 30, 2011

    God I hate that fat fuck…I truly wish he’d die of cardiac arrest as I write this!

  3. Rob April 30, 2011

    What a tool.

  4. RodgerDat April 30, 2011

    Monty for the win!

  5. jeremy April 30, 2011

    Someone should let Rex know you need to score at least one point against a team to win a game.

  6. Vijay April 30, 2011

    Good call Jeremy. We rendered his pretty boy, no talent QB utterly useless. Not even that Championship-caliber defense (lead by Bart Scott i.e. Ray Lewis’ jockstrap) could answer the bellcow.

  7. PackerFanInFL May 1, 2011

    Hey rex shit in one hand and wish in the other…see which one fills up first.

  8. Dave May 1, 2011

    ahaha as John Madden would say “Now the team that scores the most points in this game is going to win”

  9. nurseratchett May 2, 2011

    Yowsers. This guy is beyond delusional.

    Hey Monty, lets start having “Total Packers Tool of the Month”! I vote Rex for April 2011. I’ll bet there’s a hardware store in Green Bay that would donate bent/broken tools to be sent to the winners…..

  10. DevilDon May 2, 2011

    So let me get his reasoning right. They gave up 2 field goals because of their mistakes. OK, we’d have still beaten your ass 3-0 because your QB suuuuuucks.
    Honestly, can anybody like this fucking guy? I can see it from a Bears fan but a coach? You gotta think the NFL is like All Star Wrestling to those clowns in NY.