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Jared Allen Mauled By Dog

Monty McMahon by Monty McMahon
July 28, 2010
in Uncategorized
7
A scene from my dream last night

Yeah, I know what you’re thinking — it’s too good to be true.

Well, unfortunately, it is. Everyone’s least favorite hillbilly/sheepfucker Jared Allen was indeed mauled by a dog. On the negative side, he was wearing protective gear when the mauling occurred.

Allen took part in a training exercise with while in Afghanistan on a USO tour. Our fine soldiers, who are now dumber for knowing Allen, threw the Minnesota Vikings defensive end in with one of their attack dogs… or something like that.

Of course, the dog kicked Allen’s ass, but Allen was wearing a protective jacket during the exercise and is just fine.

If anyone owns attack dogs, we fully endorse letting them loose on Allen when he’s wearing his Vikings uniform.

A time lapse of Allen getting his ass kicked

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Tags: Jared AllenJared AllenMinnesota Vikings
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Comments 7

  1. Avatar for abe frohman abe frohman says:
    13 years ago

    He must have been trying to fuck it.

    As big of a tool as he is, I do give him props for supporting the troops, though.

    • Avatar for RayV#7 RayV#7 says:
      13 years ago

      hahahaha, thats so true and funny!! i bet the troops put that jacket on him so he wouldnt hump the dog. but we owe him for visiting our troops. what should we get him? maybe a nice french poodle?

      • Avatar for jeremy jeremy says:
        13 years ago

        Kinda looks like a straight jacket…

  2. Avatar for Tyler Tyler says:
    13 years ago

    u guys are ignorant! just cuz he had 7.5 sacks against u bitch asses…might as well put hellen keller on ur line maby it will be a upgrade haha

    • Avatar for abe frohman abe frohman says:
      13 years ago

      Allen Barber and Daryn Colledge at LT just might meet the Hellen Keller criteria. So, he had 7.5 sacks against scrubs. This proves he’s a great player how? How many did he have the rest of the year? And so your point is what, exactly?

  3. Avatar for MadcityPackerfan MadcityPackerfan says:
    13 years ago

    There has to be some Packer fans over there serving…if so…could someone please pistol whip Jerod for me. Just a gentle whippin..go easy on him. We all know he is a king size vagina.

  4. Avatar for Trey Corley Trey Corley says:
    12 years ago

    You people on this website SUCK!!!!!! Guess it really sucks when you can’t be as cool as Jared is & have a BadAss woman like he does!!!! Don’t hate on him just because he’s a BADASS -D MAN, a Good OL Country Boy, & isn’t scared to be himself!!!! So get a life or as you say about Jared ” GO FUCK A SHEEP ” you Hater!!!!!

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