Underwood Won’t Be Charged With Sexual Assault, May Be Charged With Solicitation

Never trust a whore.

Those of us who dally in the arts — the art of picking up broads, that is — know it well, and now Green Bay Packers’ cornerback Brandon Underwood knows it, too.

As expected, Underwood will not be charged with sexual assault, but he may be charged with solicitation of prostitution. The two Milwaukee-area women who levied the charges against Underwood could be charged with prostitution, as well.

Bill Michaels has the story.

Underwood met the two women at Chubby’s, a gentleman’s club outside of the Lake Delton area. Underwood solicited one or both of the women to return to his room. While an encounter between Underwood and one of the women was taking place, the other woman in question attempted to rob the Packers player. Once she was discovered, the two women were thrown out of the condo. That’s when the two women called police and reported the assault. The two women in question were seen laughing and “carrying on” afterwards by witnesses.

So there you have it. Underwood did nothing wrong, unless you consider this sort of business transaction between two willing adults to be wrong.

Packers’ guard Josh Sitton spoke to the situation yesterday.

“I know Underwood is innocent when it comes to any legal issues,” Sitton said. “That’s my personal opinion about that. Legally, my opinion is that he didn’t do anything wrong or whatever. The allegations are very bogus.”

Sitton was at the Lake Delton condo where the events took place. Matt Flynn, Korey Hall, Brad Jones, Clay Matthews and Khalil Jones were also in attendance. All were questioned and cleared by police before being released.

Underwood, however, remained under investigation, but the case quickly fell apart.

It has been revealed the stupid cunts who made the allegations changed their story.

The women initially said multiple players sexually assaulted them, Dorner said. However, upon further interviews, both women said only one player was involved in the assault.

“That, obviously, is somewhat troubling when you have such a big discrepancy in the initial statement than what they claimed shortly into the investigation,” Lake Delton Police Chief Tom Dorner said.

The worst thing I would accuse Underwood of in this situation is using poor judgment. But he isn’t the first guy, nor will he be the last, to get fucked over by a couple of whores.

I could tell you a story about the time my friend called a couple of girls from Craigslist who subsequently came into his house, collected their money and left. When my friend walked out his door he was met by two larger-than-him goons who weren’t giving any refunds. Or I could tell you the story of an acquaintance who met a couple of escorts at a Las Vegas casino bar. They followed him to the ATM machine and then upstairs. When he woke up his ATM card was gone and his bank account was empty.

So, go to Amsterdam, throw in a porno and jerk off or make an ill-advised booty call if you want to stay clear of this kind of trouble.

It’s somewhat curious to me why NFL players can’t stay away from marginal pussy. From Eugene Robinson to Ben Roethlisberger, there have been some really questionable decisions when it comes to NFL players obtaining the vag.

Underwood isn’t any different from any number of guys, I guess. Let’s just hope he’s learned his lesson.

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