Type to search

NFL Can Suspend Fat Fucks From Minnesota… Probably

Kevin Williams and Pat Williams

I'll eat your baby!

We haven’t really talked much about the Minnesota Vikings’ Starcaps case lately because it’s been sitting in the courts, but yesterday Hennepin County District Judge Gary Larson issued a significant ruling.

Before we get to that, we’d be remiss if we didn’t offer a quick recap of events.

Back in December of 2008, the two fat fucks who occupy the middle of the Vikings’ defense, Kevin Williams and Pat Williams – who despite sharing a name and a penchant for eating small children, are not related – were suspended four games by the NFL for testing positive for a banned substance.

The specific substance was a diuretic that can be used as a masking agent for steroids. These fat cunts weren’t actually found to be taking steroids, but a weight-loss drug called Starcaps which contains the specific diuretic on the NFL’s banned substance list. Rather than accept their suspensions, the players took it to the courts and received a temporary restraining order, which allowed them to play the rest of the 2008 season and all of 2009.

Yesterday, Larson sided with the NFL, ruling the suspensions were legal, even though the league broke Minnesota state law in the process.

Larson said the NFL failed to notify the two players of their test results within three days, as required in Minnesota, and said an NFL official played “a game of ‘gotcha'” with them. But he said that wasn’t enough to block the NFL’s plan to suspend the players for four games each.

You’d think that would be it, but no. Larson may extend the injunction pending the players’ appeal, which means the NFL wouldn’t be able to suspend two tons of fun until either the injunction is lifted or a decision is rendered in the league’s favor by a higher court.

The decision doesn’t necessarily clear the way for the NFL to suspend Kevin Williams and Pat Williams for part of next season, however. The judge put off a decision on whether to extend an injunction blocking the suspensions pending an expected appeal by the players. A decision isn’t expected for about two weeks.

So, stay tuned. Anything that negatively affects those fucks from Minnesota is a positive in our eyes.


Monty McMahon

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.



  1. jeremy May 7, 2010

    On another great note their new stadium bill has reported died in committee. The committee also had previously stripped the main source of funding out of the bill, a tax on hotels and sports related products.

    Maybe the Williams brothers and that Cletus DE of theirs will be headed to LA after all.

    Will you be a Queens fan then McMahon?

  2. Nick May 8, 2010

    Yeah where are all the Viking band wagoner’s since all this great news is coming out? LOL

  3. Taryn May 8, 2010

    The loss of the Williams Wall should enable Jared Allen an excuse when he hog ties himself trying to rush the QB.W/O them making the noose,he’s a cowboy without a rope.I;E Haynesworth,without his sidekicks in Tenn,the Star doesn’t shine so bright.

  4. jeff ircink May 24, 2010

    hahahahaha. looks like you Packer fans will have to wait at least another season before the Williams’ Wall is in jeopardy of falling.

    In a ruling that’s certain to anger Herr Goodell and the rest of the folks at the NFL offices in New York, Judge Gary Larson today ruled that the league can’t suspend Pat Williams or Kevin Williams while they fight their bogus four-game suspensions in the court system.

    “Public policy . . . dictates that [the NFL] should not be permitted to benefit from its own misconduct,” Larson wrote. “Here, [the NFL] knew Star Caps contained Bumetanide, that players were ingesting Bumetanide, that Bumetanide was dangerous, and withheld information about Star Caps, knowing that players would suffer as a result. [The NFL] created a trap that it knew would result in violations of the program.”

    In response to the argument by the league that it would be harmed by an injunction, Judge Larson disagreed.

    “[The NFL] could have easily avoided this very situation by informing players or teams about what it already knew — that Star Caps contained a hidden, dangerous substance,” Larson explained. “[The NFL] knew that many players were already inadvertently ingesting Bumetanide, and continued to place the health, safety, and welfare of its players in jeopardy, so that Adolpho Birch could play a game of gotcha. The league clearly allowed a half dozen other players to use Bumetanide without punishment.”

    Goodall = douche. Adolpho Birch = douche.