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Jared Allen Wants More Favre Man Love

Jared Allen

Jared Allen: more ass slapping

It’s not surprising that the Minnesota Vikings want quarterback Brett Favre back next season. Despite his soul crushing, game-ending NFC Championship game interception that made those of us in the Green Bay Packers camp giddy like a child on Christmas morning, Favre had a pretty nice year – a lot nicer year than Tarvaris Jackson could have in a wet dream.

And in addition to that, some members of the Vikings apparently like it when Favre slaps them on the ass, which, outside of retiring and then unretiring, seems to be one of his favorite things to do.

That brings me to the hillbilly deluxe, Vikings defensive end Jared Allen, who uttered this brilliant comment when asked about Favre, last week.

“Silver fox,” Allen pleaded on NFL Network. “Everything but my backside loves you, but if you come back, I will let you slap my rear end every single day. In no way gay at all, but I will take that stinging pain and I will eat it every day.”


Jared Allen will eat Brett Favre’s ass slaps every day.

First, we now know Brett Favre REALLY likes slapping other dudes on the ass, so much so that it might get him to play another year.

Second, I can’t imagine how such an offer wouldn’t immediately trigger Favre’s return. Then again, it’s early. There’s much more waffling to do. Favre has to retire first, so he can then unretire. Ultimately, we imagine if the “Silver Fox” decides to return Jared Allen’s invitation to slap him on the ass every day will probably be the deciding factor because hey, these are the Minnesota Vikings we’re talking about.


Monty McMahon

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.



  1. Al Borland's Beard February 3, 2010

    Nothing gay here, but Brett if you come back, I will take your ass slaps and then eat it. Right Jared, what exactly happened at deer camp last fall?

  2. Kip Zellner February 3, 2010

    Here’s what is wrong with your article, besides being mean spirited, which I understand because of the thrashing the Pack took and the hands of Favre and the Vikings. I’d want Brett to retire to if I were a Packer fan. What’s wrong with your article is that Brett’s INT did not end the Viking’s chances in the NFC CG, it was a coin toss and three bad calls in OT. If you actually watched the game, you know that Brett took them down to the Saints 33 yard line and the Viking sideline proceeded to call two run plays in a row, called time out and then instead of kicking the 50 yard FG on third and long, they have a 12 man in the huddle penalty coming out of a time out. First, HOW STUPID and second, COME ON MAN! Question, why would you run two straight times and then ask a beaten up 40 yo QB with a bad wheel to do a roll out play. The Vikings Coaching Staff and Team (Fumbles) let Brett down, not the other way around. Brett did everything he could to get them there (4 TD against the Cowboys, a team he had never beaten before in a playoff game) and three game winning plays during the year, etc. Besides, unless the Pack would have been in the NFC CG, I always root for the NFC North team, even the Bears, before I’ll root for any other team. This is especially true when Brett is playing. The guy is 14-10 in the playoffs. The Pack were only in one playoff game throughout the 70’s and 80’s. How could I not root for him?

  3. Jeremy Brown February 3, 2010

    “Yoov got a perty mauth, Favre” – Jared Allen

  4. Scooter McGee February 3, 2010

    Packers can hate on Favre and the Vikings all they want! Vikings Nation knows jealousy when they read it. Good luck with that group of individuals you call a team!

  5. Jurgens February 3, 2010

    Kip, Longwell would have nailed the game winner. The 12 men in the huddle penalty put favre in that position, but he blew it. they had the game won, he blew it. What happened in overtime doesn’t matter – they squandered their opportunity.

    Scooter, yes we will hate on Favre and the Vikings all we want. Forever. And even when you’re a bad team again (which will be sooner than you’d like to think) there will be no mercy then as well. Jealousy doesn’t enter into the equation. It’s good vs. evil and it is our duty to hate you mouth breathing idiots.

    But thanks for wishing us good luck!

  6. 12meninthehuddle February 3, 2010

    “Vikings Nation knows jealousy when they read it”??? Really? Really Scooter? There appears to be a Fundamental flaw in that little statement chum. It is a scientific fact that Vikings fans can’t read for shit. There is a pie chart that proves this, or if math isn’t your strong suit, just spend any amount of time in the absolute spunk smear of a state that is Minnesota, this in itself will prove the above point. I hope that i helped educate today.

  7. Jeremy Brown February 3, 2010

    I’m glad I’m not a big enough loser to troll the Vikings fan websites.

    Fuck Off Vikings fans!

    We don’t give a shit about you or what you say. We will smear the Vikings and their staff and call their players any names we fucking please. If it pisses you off and you have an aneurysm and fucking die, even better!

  8. Hans Thorborg February 3, 2010

    I wrote you packer fans a haiku.

    Brett Farve will return
    to slap some butts more
    Packers are soar losers

    HAHA you guys are such soar losers!! Get used to Rogers he’s a bust compared to Farve. It will be another 10 years before you can compete against Viking Nation!!! Oh, and you best stop hating on JA and BF or you pay.

    Skol Vikings!!

  9. Sarah February 3, 2010

    LOL at “soar losers.”

  10. Jeff February 3, 2010

    Rahm Emanuel was referring to Hans when he uttered his famous “fucking retarded” phrase… (Look it up Vikings fans, it’s a political reference)


  11. 12meninthehuddle February 3, 2010

    Viking nation, Hans? The concept of a true vikings fan is barely even existent. According to the NFL in the 08-09 season vikings games were close to blackout status on 4 occasions and if it wasn’t for private corporations fronting the cash they would have not been televised. The Packers have never had this problem, that is because they have true fans and not the johnny-come-lately, mercenary, fair-weather pieces of shit viking “fans” that were evident during this season. And Hans, i know that i used some long words and for that I’m sorry but maybe you can get your Social worker or in home helper to assist you in reading this and constructing a response that is NOT full of spelling mistakes and typos that help to underline the argument that all vikings fans are bottom feeding scum w/ barely a 4th grade education and a tentative grasp on the English language.

  12. Jeff February 3, 2010


    Well said!

  13. Lucille Quick February 4, 2010

    First of all , I am a TRUE VIKINGS FAN AND I DO EXIST, to me this Total Packers place is a total joke..Burn down us and Favre all you want , we had bad calls in our game just as you guys did against the Cards, I wish games were fair but most arent , fact is I see Rodgers as being the next Brett Favre , If he’s lucky..I resent you calling us fair weather fans but just like a-holes, everyone has their opinions they say..We LOVE and Support our Vikings and Wish for Brett to come back to us and play again as he brought us to where we got this year and even played injured as he was , quite a feat..I respect him and dont frankly care if YOU do or not…a fan in the U.P. Of Michigan

  14. 12meninthehuddle February 4, 2010

    “TRUE VIKINGS FAN AND I DO EXIST”. You had to shout this why? To try and convince yourself huh? I understand. Once again i stand by the argument that if the Vikings had true fans then the they would never face the possibility of a blackout of their own game because they would have sold all their tickets and/or the ad time needed to broadcast the game. They wouldn’t need private corporations jumping in to bail them out. Maybe i’m wrong, maybe the vikings do have true fans…………just 7 or 8 perhaps and no where near enough to ensure that their games never get blacked out. How embarrassing is going to be next season when Favre has retired again, you are back to having below sub par QBs and you are running the blackout gauntlet week in and week out if you lose your first few games? This is why we at Packer nation, nay anyone who follows the NFL can sit back and call the Vikings “fans” “Johnny-come-lately, mercenary, fair-weather pieces of shit” (your response will probably just focus on the “how embarrassing” line and attempt to make a feeble Packers joke using that line as a lead in)

  15. 12meninthehuddle February 4, 2010

    Just for giggles i went to the Vikes web site where it informed me that for $25 dollars i can start the process that will end w/ me being a “proud Vikes season ticket holder for the 2010 season”.

    I then went to the Packers site to look at season ticket options ( i already knew what the answer would be, but i wanted to share anyway)

    “Lambeau Field has been sold out on a season ticket basis since 1960 and we’ve been accumulating names on our legendary season ticket waiting list ever since. To add a name to the list for stadium bowl seats, please send a written request and include your name, address, phone number and the number of tickets requested (limit four)”

    SINCE 1960 PEOPLE………..1960!!!! (There, i thought i’d try saying it in caps just for Lucille)

  16. Jeff February 4, 2010


    No way is Rodgers “the next Brett Favre”. That would make him an egotistical, ass slapping, prima donna asshole that will hijack a franchise to further his own personal records. Rodgers has way more class than Brett could ever wish to have, give him time and he will have more Super Bowls too! Good luck with Brett or McNabb or whatever teams castoff you have on the roster next year…

  17. jeff ircink March 15, 2010