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The Best of Minnesota Vikings Humor

In the continued anticipation and build up to the Yarn in the Barn (that being the Green Bay Packers versus the Minnesota Vikings on Monday Night Football), we give you the best Vikings’ jokes, put downs and nonsense, all of which were submitted by readers.

We hope you enjoy, because you’re probably going to need them to help you combat all the Minnesota Vikings’ fans idiocy.

A special thank you to everyone who submitted jokes.


Q: What’s the difference between a porcupine and the Metrodome?

A: A porcupine has 68,000 pricks on the OUTSIDE.

submitted by IronOrr


Q: Four Vikings are in a car. Who’s driving?

A: The police.

submitted by jonsteven


Q: Why do the Vikings have purple uniforms?

A: Because that’s what happens when you choke. You turn purple.

submitted by Mike


The Vikings and the Packers decided to have a three-day ice fishing tournament. On the first day, the Packers caught 100 fish and the Vikings didn’t catch any. The Vikings were skunked. On the second day, the Packers caught 200 fish and the Vikings didn’t catch any. Again, the Vikings were skunked. On the third day, the Vikings were getting worried, so Brad Childress pulled Adrian Peterson aside, dressed him in full Packers gear and sent him with the Packers to see why they were catching so many fish. That day the Packers caught 300 fish and the Vikings caught none. When Peterson returned several Vikings asked, “what’s the deal, are they cheating?” Peterson replied, “you bet they are, they’re drilling holes in the ice!”

submitted by Jon from Superior, WI


Q: What do Vikings fans use for contraception?

A: Their personalities.

submitted by Mike from Portland


Q: What’s black and blue and doesn’t like sex?

A: The 12-year-old boy in Brad Childress’ trunk.

submitted by Mike from Portland


Q: Why should Packers fans be happy about having Mike McCarthy for a coach.

A: Because Brad Childress was the alternative.

submitted by Mike from Portland


Q: What do you call a Viking with a Super Bowl ring?

A: A thief.

submitted by Stephanie


Q: Why doesn’t St. Paul have a professional football team?

A: Because then Minneapolis would want one.

submitted by Stephanie


Q: How many Vikings does it take to win the Super Bowl?

A: Nobody Knows!

submitted by Stephanie


(Sung to theme from Gilligan’s island)

Come sit right back and you’ll hear a tale
A tale of fateful trip
That started from a small lake town
Aboard two tiny ships

The mates were a bunch of pole dancers
But the waitstaff was too pure
The Vikings team set sail that day
For a three hour tour, a three hour tour

The action started getting hot
The dancers strutted their stuff
If not for the prudes in the fearless crew
There wouldn’t have been such a huff

The boats turned around and went back home
The authorities came aboard
But fear not friends, ’cause all’s not lost
The Vikings finally scored!

submitted by Stephanie


Here were a couple of the replies I received when I asked people to submit their best Minnesota Vikings joke, which I thought were pretty funny by themselves.

Is there a bad Vikings joke? – from bvpudgiemom

Hahahahahahaha – the Vikings are a joke, themselves! – from Jesse


Along the same lines, here are some insights that you might want to point out to your Vikings friends.

Childress + Peterson = Fontes + Sanders

World Titles: Packers 12, Vikings 0.

submitted by chollenback


Lastly, we noticed earlier this week that the turds at Deadspin are going to be attending Monday night’s game. We only bring this up because Deadspin is a pretty damn funny site. And we only say turds, because their football guy, Drew Magery, is a scumbag Vikings’ fan.

So, in honor of Drew attending his first meaningful game, perhaps… ever, we made up a quick comparison of Vikings’ and Packers’ fans with yours truly and Big Drew. I’ll let you decide who you’d rather be aligned with…


Monty McMahon

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.



  1. chews October 1, 2009

    haha yes!!!you put mine up!!

  2. terrence October 10, 2013

    u guys are haterz