Get to Know a Viking: Ragnar

Ragnar - easy does it.

My unwavering hatred of all things Minnesota Vikings is well documented. I have made no secret of the fact that the old Purple and Gold makes my taint hurt. From legendary douchebags of yesteryear (Cris Carter and John Randle) to the douchebags of today (Jared Allen and Pat Williams) I have hated them all.

I don’t often see eye to eye with NFC North rivals, but there is always one thing that I can agree upon with all Chicago Bears and Detroit Lions fans – we hate the Minnesota Vikings.

As if it’s not enough for the Vikings to consistently, year-in and year-out, have the most obnoxious and chickenshit players in the league on their team, they almost always employ comically inept coaches and play in the worst professional sports venue in the world, the MetroBarn.

On top of it all, they play this stupid sound again and again and again during their home games to get their mouth-breathing fans pumped up. And who is bumbling around on the sidelines coaxing them on? None of the than the stupidest mascot in football, Ragnar.

Is Ragnar a real Viking, thawed from a glacier in the arctic? No. His real name is Joseph Jurantich. He’s originally from Milwaukee, so on top of being the official mascot of the Minnesota Vikings, he is also a traitor.

Why is he so lame? I can’t really say. I mean, he seems like a nice guy. I read that he does a lot of charity events, but every time I see him prancing around with an axe, driving a custom motorcycle or Segway, my blood boils.

Look, the Green Bay Packers don’t even have a mascot. I’m aware of that. But what would a Packer look like anyway? This? Who needs one when we have the UWGB cheerleaders, right?

Here’s hoping Ragnar and his precious Vikings have little to cheer about when they face the Green Bay Packers this Sunday.

Get To Know A Viking: Jared Allen UPDATE!

While much of the world celebrated the election of president Barack Obama, Jared Allen sulked in his own pit of despair and questionable math skills. 

“It’s a sad day for me. I’m a McCain supporter. There is nothing I can do about it now. Our paychecks will be cut in half,” he said. “It is what it is and McCain, I still love you, and Obama, you better do what you promised because the whole country is watching.”

For the record, under Obama’s tax plan, the rate on Jared’s six-year, $75 million contract will rise from 35 percent to 39 percent.

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