Apparently, to go from an 8-8 team to preseason Super Bowl favorite, all an NFL team needs to do is get themselves a redneck defensive end.
That’s what the Minnesota Vikings did. They traded for the Kansas City Chiefs Jared Allen and almost instantly became the hands down favorite to win the NFC North and a Super Bowl birth. So, who better to feature in our new column, Get To Know A Viking, than Jared Allen?
Weight: 270 lbs
College: Idaho State
Drafted: 4th Round, Kansas City
Position: defensive end/douchebag
On April 3, 1982, Jared was born in Los Gatos, California. Somehow, Jared was able to sidestep the upper crusty image of his hometown and adopt a sort of “aw shucks, I’m a simple hayseed” off-field persona, endearing himself to idiot NFL announcers and fans everywhere.
“Hopefully, I can put my helmet square in the back of his spine. If I can do that and knock the ball loose, it’ll be a good day,” Allen said, displaying sportsmanship and class after being asked to comment on the season opening game against the Green Bay Packers.
Jared Allen was pretty much born to play with the Minnesota Vikings. A classless, cocky, overrated mouth-breather, Jared Allen is exactly the type of player Packers fans will love to hate – cut from the same piss-stained cloth as former Vikings douchebags like as Jack Del Rio, Chris Carter, Cris Hovan and Randy Moss.
Didn’t every packer fan bow at the feet of an addict for the past 15 years?
Don’t they still support domestic abuser?
Aside of the off-the-field issues of his past, there’s nothing bad to be said about Jared Allen. You can make fun of his hair all you want, I don’t think he cares when mullets were popular on the internet.
Classless and cocky? Overrated? I don’t know what makes him classless, or cocky, he’s a joker, he’s no “cockier” than Brett Favre. He’s a man who loves the game of football, and loves having fun while doing it. If you want to call him overrated, go to his stats page, the numbers don’t lie.
I guess you pushed the sheep away long enough to pull some adjectives out of your ass.
Tell Aaron he’ll be seeing this cocky, classless, overrated, mullet wearing, redneck mouth-breather in his nightmares after September 8th.
Damn these West Coast schedules!
Can someone PLEASE tell me how many tackles and sacks Jared Allen had on Monday night vs Green Bay? I missed the game and the box score on ESPN showed O’fers. This is obviously a misprint cuz this guy gives QB’s nightmares, right Mr. A? Seriously. 8…10…how many tackles?
Man, it’s so great seeing stuff like this after the fact.
How do you guys feel knowing that this “loudmouth redneck” has made you guys his personal bitch for the last two years?
Packers suck, just like their fans.