Shawn Slocum

As usual, the Green Bay Packers special teams are a disaster. They’ve been that way since Shawn Slocum has been the special teams coordinator.

Unfortunately for you and for reasons unbeknownst to us, Shawn Slocum is untouchable. We suspect he has photos of Mike McCarthy fucking a pig. You know, other than the one he’s married to. The four-legged variety.

Anyway, Slocum’s unit had another kick blocked this past Sunday and they allowed a punt return for a touchdown. They also forgot how to cover punts, repeatedly failing to let the ball roll when they should have.

That’s six kicks of one kind or another that the Packers have had blocked this year.

Not to worry though. Slocum totally has this all figured out! Finally!

“We need to put a stop to it,” Slocum said.

Perfect. Now that we’ve finally figured that out, what next?

“I really think everyone just needs to do their job,” Slocum said. “If you do that collectively, you have success.”

Ah, good. It’s that simple then. Everyone will just do their job. Nothing to worry about anymore!

“We have to do a better job in protection,” Slocum said. “I said that last week (and) we had another problem. It’s something that we need to do a better job of. It has to be a focus as we move forward.”

Uhhhhhhh…

So basically, Slocum’s idea of coaching is just walking around and saying things.

“Hey guys, we gotta do better! I told the media, so make it so!”

Slocum is to coaching special teams what John du Pont was to coaching wrestling.

Seriously, he went on to blame the absence of T.J. Lang and Josh Sitton from the protection teams as the reason for the blocked kicks. They’ve been off special teams duty since suffering injuries in late October.

Of course, that ignores the fact that the Packers were getting kicks blocked before that and their special teams have been shitty for years.

Slocum, the mastermind that he is, is just going to flip a switch though. We’re gonna be fine from here on out!


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