Marshawn Lynch

Well, that was ugly. The Green Bay Packers shit the bed in stellar fashion on national television, getting pounded 36-16 by the Seattle Seahawks on Thursday night.

If there were a shitting the bed championship, then the Packers either just won it or made a strong case for a No. 1 seed in the tournament.

The Seahawks, meanwhile, either have zero Super Bowl hangover or the Packers are just nowhere in the same neighborhood as the NFL’s elite.

The game was close for about a half. Seattle only had a seven-point lead at the break and the Packers looked like they were somewhat capable of moving the ball. Of course, they never looked like they were going to stop the Seahawks offense, especially the running game.

Wait a second. Haven’t I seen this movie before?

Yes, I believe I have…

Marshawn Lynch piled up 110 yards and two touchdowns on 20 carries against the Packers’ big, bad new defensive line. Overall, Seattle had 207 rushing yards and averaged 5.6 per carry.

Meet the new boss. Same as the old fucking boss.

We could single out a laundry list of shitbags who attempt to play defense for the Green Bay Packers here, but we’re only going to single out two of them right now.

1. Letroy Guion, you are fucking horrible. Guion is B.J. Raji’s replacement at nose tackle. He’s also a big reason Seattle averaged 5.6 yards per rush. This guy played for the Vikings last season. They cut him in the offseason and there were some chuckles from over that way when the Packers signed him. It’s obvious now, why.

2. Brad Jones, you are also fucking horrible. We’re just going to ignore how bad Jones was against the run for now and point out the two holding penalties he had. Both resulted in huge first downs for Seattle. One guy can’t lose a football game by himself, but Brad Jones tries real hard.

Maybe, just maybe, this turd shouldn’t be on the field every down?

I don’t know.

The Packers offense wasn’t a hell of a lot better.

We’re going to give some credit to the Seahawks defense. Those creeps can roll, but let’s face it. It certainly wasn’t all defensive domination by Seattle. There was plenty of ineptness on the part of Green Bay.

The Packers weren’t able to establish their running game. They had no downfield passing game to speak of and Aaron Rodgers wasn’t particularly sharp at any point.

Rodgers finished a pedestrian 23-of-33 for 189 yards, one touchdown and one interception. Those are swell numbers… if you’re Geno Smith.

Rodgers looked like Matt Flynn out there trying to dink and dunk his way to glory.

We’d be remiss if we didn’t mention the real atrocity here though.

The game was essentially over when right tackle Bryan Bulaga injured his knee in the second quarter. It’s the same knee that cost him all of 2013 and he didn’t return.

Enter Derek Sherrod. He is the atrocity.

As we all pretty much expected, Sherrod got worked, both in the running game and in the passing game. He got blown up by Cliff Avril on a 4th-and-5 in the third. That play resulted in a sack. Sherrod then got wasted by Michael Bennett later in the third. That play was a strip sack that resulted in a safety.

We’re in real fucking trouble if this guy remains in the starting lineup for an extended period of time, boys and girls.

In the end, this was an embarrassment all around.

The Packers didn’t look like they knew what they were doing. They didn’t look focused, didn’t look hungry, didn’t look like they even had a game plan.

I’m not sure what this team has been getting prepared for for the last month or so, but it doesn’t appear that it was this game.

This was the poorest display we’ve seen in a season opener in some years. But hey, at least these clowns can still surprise us!