Oooooh, Look at All the Gunslingers!

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Jay Cutler and Matthew Stafford

Sports Illustrated really knocked it out of the park with their NFL preview covers this year. They’re all about gunslingers, and those “gunslingers” also happen to be some of the dopiest looking motherfuckers on the planet.

I would like to meet the guy who said, “Hey, we definitely need Nick Foles for this shoot!”

Probably also the same guy who said, “Matt Ryan’s non-offensive wholesome brand of bland is bound to sell millions of magazines!”

Yeah, that’s right. Matt Ryan is suddenly a gunslinger. Because gunslinging has devolved to firing a check down to the running back.

But hell, Aaron Rodgers, QB1 is on one of these covers. That’s all that matters.

Whoa, partner!

That is somehow not true. Nope. The NFC North is represented by none other than Cutty! and Butterball.

I think that would make a great situation comedy, don’t you? Butterball with his constant keg stand-related hijinks and Cutty! just being like, dooooooooooon’t caaaaaaaaaaaaaaare! Gonna go gunsling another one into Kristin.

I think that’s ratings gold!

Also gold, are these cover shots. Thankfully, we were able to get some insight into these guys’ methods.

Drew Brees and Matt Ryan

Russell Wilson and Colin Kaepernick

Tony Romo and Nick Foles

Jay Cutler and Matthew Stafford

About The Author

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.

15 Comments on "Oooooh, Look at All the Gunslingers!"

  1. Ivomitonvikingfans

    Shit. When did SI merge with The Advocate? These pics actually make Cutty look like less of an asswipe than the others. That’s tough to do.

  2. GBslacker

    “Rad??”

    Who the fuck says that anymore?

    It’s only slightly less creepy than your (ever constant) use of the word: “broad.”

    Where do you come up with this shit?
    mothballedslang.com ??

  3. Don Q

    Michael Sam isn’t a Quarterback DD. You’re sucha silly sally. This article is about gunslingers, pay closer attention fuckin’ guy.

  4. J.B.

    This was some funny shit. Well done.

    And for the record, I was just thinking how funny I think it ismthat all women are referred to as “broads” on this site.

    Awesome.

  5. J.B.

    This was some funny shit. Well done.

    And for the record, I was just thinking how funny I think it ismthat all women are referred to as “broads” on this site.

    Awesome.

  6. The Money Mike

    “I think that would make a great situation comedy, don’t you? Butterball with his constant keg stand-related hijinks and Cutty! just being like, dooooooooooon’t caaaaaaaaaaaaaaare! Gonna go gunsling another one into Kristin.”…I imagined this in my head and almost spilled my fucking coffee lol

  7. Nurseratchett@work

    Thanks for making me throw up a little in my mouth. Looks like Cutty’s testicles have returned to his abdomen…if they ever descended at all.

    If they had cut Kapernick’s head off in the picture, he would have looked pretty hot. Oh, well, bag him before you do him, ladies!

    GO PACK GO!!!

  8. Howard

    For some strange reason the only thing that runs through my mind after seeing these pictures if the WKRP Cincinnati show turkeys away. ” as god is my witness I really thought turkey’s could fly. OH THE HUMANITY”.

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