Chicago Bears Fans are Criminals

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Chicago Bears fan

Chicago Bears fan

We’ve always had a creeping suspicion that this was the case. Now it’s been proven as fact — Chicago Bears fans are a bunch of criminals.

A study by two University of California-Berkeley researchers has found that total crime in Chicago drops when the Bears are playing. It falls 13 percent when the Bears play on Monday night. Crime also drops when the Bears play on Sunday, by 3 percent. And, when the Bears play in the Super Bowl crime drops 26 percent.

And that’s clearly happening this year because it’s 1985. So good news for the CPD. 

“The evidence suggests these reductions are largely explained by potential offenders spending their time watching the game on television rather than engaging in criminal activity,” the paper stated.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

I mean, what more can I even say? It’s right there on paper. And it’s science!

About The Author

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.

9 Comments on "Chicago Bears Fans are Criminals"

  1. Phatgzus

    LMAO. So what happens to the crime stats when the Bears (inevitably) lose? I reckon the bratwurst-related vandalism must skyrocket on Sundays.

  2. Howard

    The one other factor is the Bears players were on the field and not on the street. Hurd, Tank Johnson, and Cedric Benson amongst others were being distracted by the games.

  3. Tucson Packer

    It does take true criminals to create unheard of levels of local gun violence in a city with some of the toughest gun laws in the country.

    If we take the guns away from the law-abiding citizens, the only ones who will have these guns are the criminals and the police.

    -When seconds count, the police are only minutes away

  4. Carlos Goodman

    I hate the Bears more than anything in the world, except bully’s, but I think this is probably true for most NFL teams. College…different story, depending what you count as crime.

  5. The murder rate in Chicago is a really sad fact. I really hope it changes. The number of murders on the upcoming Fourth of July holiday weekend will be staggering..

  6. Chucky

    Hilarious, but like Carlos pointed out, you could do this study in any city with their local team and get similar results.

    • MGP

      Yes, but in cities like Chicago, Detroit and New Orleans the police should enjoy the break (in crime) during game time….

  7. nurseratchett

    Anecdotal evidence of child abuse by bears fans–I recorded the draft (so I could fast forward to Packer picks). Just before the Bears pick in the 2nd round, NFL network cut to a Bears draft party where the Bears fans were chanting “Green Bay Sucks, while some mother of the year was dangling her wailing infant in front of the camera. Even the NFL commentators made a comment about the crying baby.

    Stay classy, Bears fans, stay classy.

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