Matt Cassel

The tire fire that is the Minnesota Vikings has a new quarterback. He’s their old quarterback, Matt Cassel.

The Queens re-signed Cassel to a two-year, $10 million deal on Friday. He had opted out of his previous contract with the team back in February. That deal was scheduled to pay him $3.7 million this season, so way to squeeze the Queens for some more bread, bro.

These asshats really had no choice but to re-sign Cassel. That is, unless they went and signed Michael Vick as a free agent as Adrian Peterson suggested.

The only other quarterback currently under contract is Christian Ponder and you know, we know and the Vikings know he’s a complete and utter disaster.

Cassel, meanwhile, actually won some games for these idiots last season. He won all five of them, in fact. That’s right. The Vikings managed five wins in 2013. Cassel started three of them and came off the bench in the other two after Ponder got hurt.

Clearly, at $5 million per season the Vikings expect Cassel to start in 2014. Maybe he’ll be able to add another five-win season to the glorious Vikings’ legacy.