The Minnesota Vikings are Licking Their Chops

6 16
Minnesota Vikings cornerback Chris Cook getting run over

Minnesota Vikings cornerback Chris Cook getting run over

I’d like to just laugh at the Minnesota Vikings, but I can’t because the Green Bay Packers have lost three in a row. Actually, I take that back… hahahahahahahahaha!

They’re still the Vikings. These shitbags are 2-8 and coming to Lambeau Field on Sunday.

Yesterday, Vikings cornerback Chris Cook, who’s been truly awful this season (22 tackles, 0 picks), but is certainly a scholar off the field, made this statement about the Packers.

“They’re definitely vulnerable right now,” Cook said. “[Aaron] Rodgers is a key guy for them and he pretty much makes their offense go.”

Oh, really? Astute observation.

Let’s look at some statistics, though.

The Vikings are 29th in the NFL in pass defense. They’re giving up 280 yards per game. So guess what? Whoever the Packers put behind center on Sunday is probably going to throw for 300 yards.

Oh, and how about Minnesota’s quarterbacks? Well, they have three guys who wouldn’t make the Packers practice squad pretending to be NFL starting quarterbacks.

Christian Ponder, Matt Cassell and Josh Freeman — would you take any of those guys over Scott Tolzien or Matt Flynn? I wouldn’t.

The Vikings are 25th in the NFL in passing offense. It actually surprised the hell out of me that they were so high, but then you have to remember that they’re pretty much getting pounded in every game and have to throw the ball a lot in the second half.

Vikings quarterbacks are averaging an impressive 206 yards per game.

Here’s another telling statistic. Vikings quarterbacks have a combined rating of 72.5, which is 29th in the NFL.

Anyway, Cook went on to say Sunday is a must-win game for the Vikings.

Why? So you can make your late-season playoff push?

Hahahahahahaha!

About The Author

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.

16 Comments on "The Minnesota Vikings are Licking Their Chops"

  1. Clam Hammer

    Is anybody else beginning to worry that the Vikings might suck so fucking much this season that they end up in a position to draft a good QB such as Teddy Bridgewater, Marcus Mariota, or Johnny Manziel? After the Pack beat them this weekend, I hope they win just enough games to get fucked out of having a top QB draft pick.

    • TyKo Steamboat

      Not worried about any of those guys…

      Small guys that will tossed around like rag dolls. Weak arms too. This is the NFL.

      • Charlie Martin

        Last time the Vikings drafted a QB in the top of the 1st round they took Christian Ponder (with Dalton and Kaepernick still available). So….yeah, I’m not too worried.

    • Vijay

      Bridgewater is the only one of the three that is close to NFL ready and close to being an actual NFL QB. We’ve seen Oregon Ducks come and go in the league running that system and they’re humbled by the NFL very quickly. As far as Manziel? He lacks the mental discipline to be anything short of a half year wonder on the field. He exposes his body to too much potential injury and he, like RGIII, will prove to be unfilling selections because of that tendency to escape the pocket and try to run with the ball. Neither of those guys are built like Tim Tebow who sucks at throwing but has the build to absorb the hits.

      This is another draft where if they were smart, they would wait till the 2nd or even 3rd round to take a guys like A.J. McCarron (leadership) or Bryce Petty (accuracy) from Baylor and see if they can take the reigns. I remember when they drafted Ponder at #12 I thought it was a reach and told my friend (Vikings fan) as much. I said they should have moved back and taken Andy Dalton and collected an extra pick. Looks like we caught a break they got desperate and reached at #12– even though Dalton is not spectacular by any means.

      As far as the game this weekend, their best corner Josh Robinson is out due to broken ribs, so this should be a HUGE win for the Pack (well, unless Ted’s home grown team doesn’t rise to the occasion).

  2. PF4L

    The Vikings may be licking their chops, but all they taste is the stench of failure.

    Scott Tolzien destroys the Vikings on Sunday, and in the process makes Chris Cook his bitch.

  3. PF4L

    Christian Ponder plans to bring his A game to Lambeau field. After Ponders 129 passing yards last game, coupled with 1 td, 2 interceptions. Ponder brings that 53.0 passer rating into Lambeau field saying: ” That’s the same kind of dominance i’m going to beat the Packers with come Sunday”.

    Not to be outdone. After AP’s 65 yards on 21 carries for 3.1 ypc. AP boasted: ” Y’all saw what CP and i did against the Seahawks”. “We be bringin that same intensity and toughness into Lambeau for our 3rd win of the season.” “Hear me now and believe me later, this slave is gonna dominate the Packers defense”.

    AP later was heard saying: “Does somebodys haves a calculator?” I’s got to figure out how many more yards i needs to get 2500.”

  4. Vikings fan that comes in peace

    As a Vikings fan, I seriously hope we don’t win this game. I’m in full tank mode right now. The Vikings have the 2nd pick in the draft right now, and if they play their cards right, they may end up with the #1 pick and the right to draft Teddy Bridgewater.

    • Vijay

      Bridgewater would be a mistake in the long run. He could have one good rookie season before the rest of the NFL figures him out. You would be better off taking McCarron (leader/winner) or Bryce Petty (accuracy/intelligence).

      Actually, If I were Viking’s GM Spielman, I would take Jadeveon Clowney (to replace Jared Allen) or the UCLA linebacker Barr (need 2 MLBs) before I’d even think about selecting a QB.

      • Vikings fan that comes in peace

        I’m sorry, but you obviously don’t know anything about scouting college QBs. Teddy Bridgewater is a pure pocket passer running a pro style offense at Louisville. Just because he’s black doesn’t mean he’s a running QB. I’ve seen a few well respected draft analysts say he’s the best QB prospect of the past 10 years behind Luck.

        Also, A.J McCarron is your typical game manager (Ponder) who is surrounded by outstanding talent at Alabama. He doesn’t have much of an arm, he doesn’t really make any tough downfield throws, and his ability to read defenses has not been tested that much so far. Most draft analysts have him as a 3rd round pick.

  5. Chester Marcol's Glasses

    This is what sucks. This Viking game is basically for the whole season. If the Packers lose against the Queens, they go to 6 losses which is a hole from which even the mighty Aaron Rodgers can not pull the Packers.

  6. PF4L

    I’ll say this……If the Packers lose against the Vikes at Lambeau this Sunday….These post the last 3 weeks will be considered G rated, compared to the hell that will come down on the power players at 1265 Lombardi Ave. …But i digress. In Scott Tolzien i trust!!

  7. Cheese

    Packer fans are in no position to start trash talking to anyone. Have you forgotten that their defense makes back up quarterbacks look like Joe Montana? They just lost to two back up qb’s with shit defenses and a Giants team who started the season 0-6.

    It doesn’t matter how many yards Tolzien will throw for, if he throws a ton of picks it means nothing. This game is anything but a guaranteed win.

  8. tedtomato

    I think tolzien with 2 weeks of practice is still a better qb than anything that the purple shitfuckers have! Blitz the shit out of their shit qb dum..none of this stand back and watch bs!

  9. tedtomato

    You purple shitfucks are morons! Not every qb in this draft is Andrew Luck like! Its not like you can just draft a qb and plug em in and start winning! Very few have done that..most need time to develop! By the time your great..cant miss..next greatest qb ever is ready to play..most of your “talent” on your roster will be old and decrepit! Have fun being bottom dwellers for the next 10 years! I hope frazier and spielman get 20 year contract extentions! Better yet dont draft a qb and stick with puss arm ponder!

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *