Eddie Lacy

The Green Bay Packers rolled the Detroit Lions 22-9 on Sunday, which, let’s be honest, wasn’t a surprise for two reasons.

One, the Lions haven’t won in Wisconsin since 1991. That’s some serious ineptitude, which the Lions are famous for. Two, Calvin Johnson didn’t play. With Megatron standing on the sideline, the Leos pretty much lost any chance they had to win before the game even started.

The Packers are 2-2 and facing a tough game going to Baltimore next week. We still don’t know a lot about this team, but here’s what we took away from Sunday’s win.

Jordy Nelson has mastered the sideline catch.
Jordache made plenty of big catches on Sunday, but the thing that’s most impressive about this dude is he makes the tough sideline catch. You know the one. Where he’s on his tip toes, hauls in the ball, drags those toes before he touches the sideline and beats your ass. He had that amazing catch against San Fran in week one and he had a pretty nice one against Detroit on Sunday. That’s some incredible body control. Honestly, and I hate this fucker because he was a Minnesota Viking, but the best work I’ve seen on the sidelines since Hall of Famer Cris Carter.

Randall Cobb: OW.
You probably didn’t notice this because the Jacksonville Jaguars suck balls, but they drafted Michigan quarterback Denard Robinson and then started calling him an “offensive weapon.” Seriously, next to his name on the roster his position was designated as OW. Well, Randall Cobb is that. In addition to that fantastic one-handed catch he had, Cobb also broke the Packers longest run of the day — 67 yards. What the fuck is Randall Cobb doing in the backfield!? I don’t know, but why the hell not! Two runs, 72 yards and a motherfucking boss!

Eddie Lacy: bull.
As advertised. That’s all I’ve got to say. Eddie Lacy was the featured back for the first time this season and, well, 23 carries, 99 yards. Oh, also, trucked some assholes. Runs hard, runs over dudes, is not Brandon Jackson. The Packers missed their third consecutive 100-yard rushing game by one yard (and by three different backs) and that’s unfortunate, but these guys can roll running the football. And yes, some of that credit goes to the offensive line for opening the holes. They may not be able to pass block, but they can get after it when there’s a run play called. The Packers had 180 yards on the ground on Sunday.

Who put a quarter in Mike Neal and Nick Perry?
My boy Kelly Hayes asked me that after the game, but just about Mike Neal. Well, both Neal and Perry were impressive on Sunday. And yeah, that’s the first time I’ve said that about either of those guys. Someone lit a fire under their asses. My guess is it was Kevin Greene, because he seems like the kind of guy who lights fires under dude’s asses. Anyway, Perry has pretty much always been a non-factor since the Packers drafted him in the first round. He was actually benched during Sunday’s game. Then, when he did get in he was all like, “Fuck you for benching me, I’m going to fuck some shit up.” Five tackles, two of those sacks. Best performance as a Packer. Neal? He saw a lot of action and he took advantage of his opportunities. Six tackles, one of those sacks. Maybe the switch has been flipped for these guys.

It’s good to have you back, Morgan Burnett.
First game of the season and you could see the difference with Burnett in the lineup. Monday, Mike McCarthy said Burnett called one of the best games of his career. He also said it’s like he never missed a beat. We’re not going to pretend the Leos had their best team on the field on Sunday, but they were 3-1 and averaging over 30 points per game coming into the contest. Meanwhile, the Packers defense was looking totally pedestrian. On Sunday, they’re the reason Green Bay won the game and Morgan Burnett’s return was the primary reason for that in my eyes.

And here a couple more bonus thoughts because I’ve got more to say.

Mason Crosby has got his groove back. Datone Jones? Where the hell is that guy? Nowhere. Johnathan Franklin — hold onto the fucking ball!