It’s Awful, But Adrian Peterson Never Even Knew That Kid
I’m going to tell you right off the bat. This is going to be ugly, but these are the shitty questions that need to be asked. Unfortunately, no one will probably ever ask them because Adrian Peterson is an athletic god. Well, fuck him. We’re posing the questions anyway.
Here’s the story.
Minnesota Vikings running back Adrian Peterson lost his two-year-old son this weekend and that’s fucking awful. Terrible. We can’t even imagine.
Some shitfuck beat the kid to death in South Dakota and, we imagine, that asshole is gonna get his. At least he better.
That being said, several of us had a conversation about this last night — and let’s be honest — Adrian Peterson never even knew that kid.
Let’s look back at the Peterson timeline.
Thursday: Peterson isn’t at practice because he’s in South Dakota with his son, who’s in critical condition.
Friday: Peterson is back at practice and tells reporters, with a smile on his face, please respect my privacy and the privacy of my family. Oh, and he guarantees he’s playing on Sunday.
What? The? Fuck?
Maybe we’re all insane, but here are the questions that we discussed.
Why is his kid in South Dakota to begin with?
Answer: Don’t know, but his mother obviously isn’t with Peterson. She’s probably some random woman and Peterson should have worn a condom, but he’s an athlete and athletes don’t do that. Anyway, he obviously isn’t a big part of the kid’s life.
So his kid is possibly dying and he shows up at the hospital for part of day and leaves?
Answer: Yes. Fucking unbelievable. If my kid was dying — or anyone I cared about was dying — I would spend every possible fucking moment with them that I could.
And then this fucker went right back to work like he didn’t give a shit?
Answer: He sure did. When his fucking two-year-old kid was dying.
He’s going to work this weekend?
Answer: He made that clear. He’s not going to tend to his dead two-year-old son or the mother of that child. He’s going to play football. Maybe he’ll send his assistant.
How is that possible? Who would do something like that?
Answer: Only someone who doesn’t give a shit. Only someone who never even knew that kid. Only a fucking piece of shit. But hey, if he runs for 100 yards he can always say he did it for the kid he never knew. Then he’s a hero.
Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.