Packers Lay a Giant Turd in Preseason Opener

88 37
Graham Harrell fumbles in Packers preseason opener

Graham Harrell fumbles in Packers preseason opener

Hey, why not call it exactly what it was? The Green Bay Packers managed zero points, dropping their preseason opener 17-0 to the Arizona Cardinals.

So, let’s start with the good.

Aaron Rodgers hit James Jones for 50 yards on the No. 1 offense’s only series…

Alright, we’ll pick out some more highlights, but here’s a good summary of the game.

My boy Kelly Hayes likes to pick out players who suck on teams we like and label him “your boy.” As in, “Your boy Dick Weeks was a solid 0-for-5 tonight.” Dick Weeks being the Brewers Rickie Weeks. We call him Dick because, well, only a fucking Dick is batting .209 in August.

Everybody was my boy last night. The Green Bay Dick Weekses.

There’s a silver lining here, though. So let’s start with that.

The Packers actually held the Cardinals to four and out on their first two drives, when the No. 1 defense was in there. Or at least the parts of it that played.

The Packers sat Randall Cobb, Eddie Lacy, Tramon Williams and Casey Hayward, among others, and as previously stated, the No. 1 offense played only one series.

So let’s talk about what was interesting and then we’ll get to pointing fingers.

James Starks started at running back and was followed by Johnathan Franklin and then Alex Green. So, good luck making the team, Alex Green.

Unfortunately, all three of those guys sucked ass. Starks led the way with a 3.2 average. He carried 12 times for 38 yards. Franklin and Green managed only 2.3 yards per carry, although Franklin did catch a couple passes. Still, if your best back is averaging 3.2 per carry in the regular season, you may as well not even run.

Jarrett Boykin and Jeremy Ross were the second and third receivers, which wasn’t totally unexpected with Cobb and Jordy Nelson sidelined. The Packers drafted two receivers in the seventh round, but neither has been on the field yet. If that trend continues much longer, then these two guys probably have roster spots sewn up.

Ross’ chances won’t be hurt after he lined up as the No. 1 kick returner, although Franklin and Omarius Hines also returned kicks.

Then here’s the guy to keep an eye on — Tyrone Walker.

Walker is an undrafted rookie receiver out of Illinois State. He’s been impressive in camp and on Friday, he caught five balls for 41 yards. He’s still got a ways to go, but if Walker keeps playing the way he has been, he’s going to be hard to cut.

Walker racked up 22 of those yards on a nice run after the catch at the end of the first quarter.

That’s called potential.

Another undrafted rookie to keep an eye on is defensive end Andy Mulumba from Eastern Michigan. This guy was actually the second overall pick in the CFL draft. He’s fairly raw and unpolished, but had three tackles on Friday and played with the No. 2 defense.

Now, what we all came here for.

Graham Harrell, you fucking piece of shit.

Harrell followed Rodgers and got by far the most time of any of the Packers backup quarterbacks. What did he do with it? Why, he shit the bed, of course.

Harrell was 12-of-19 for 76 yards. While that doesn’t look terrible on the surface, it is. After completing his first pass, Harrell threw a pick to Patrick Peterson on his next attempt.

That turned into the Cardinals’ first score, as Carson Palmer tossed a 38-yard touchdown to Andre Roberts on the next play.

Then Harrell fumbled after being sacked by John Abraham at the beginning of the second quarter. That was partially the fault of Marshall Newhouse, who clearly isn’t any better at right tackle than he was at left. Still, hold on to the fucking ball Graham!

What’s maybe even more telling is Harrell only averaged four yards per completion. Dink. Dunk. Dink. Dunk. Awful. No one ever said this guy had a big arm, but Jesus H. Christ.

B.J. Coleman came in next and continued to underwhelm, going only 2-for-7 for 15 yards. The newly-signed Vince Young saw limited action, but let’s hope he can pick up the offense fast enough so the Packers can get rid of these other two clowns, right?

Who else can piss off?

D.J. Williams — pack your fucking bags. Williams followed Jermichael Finley and managed one catch for eight yards. It’s the passes he dropped or didn’t catch that are finally going to earn him a ticket out of town, though.

Davon House — you thought you could start, huh? I remember hearing Larry McCarren saying Davon House is not having his best night at some point during the broadcast. That’s a fucking understatement. House got beat on the Cardinals first touchdown, but it was the play were he got smoked by¬†Charles Hawkins for a 36-yard gain that sticks out in my mind.

Who the fuck is Charles Hawkins, Davon?

Anyway, I could go on, but I won’t. It’s the first preseason game. A bunch of guys didn’t play. The No. 1 units played sparingly.

Still, you have to wonder how the hell the Packers couldn’t manage a single point against the Arizona Cardinals.

 

About The Author

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.

37 Comments on "Packers Lay a Giant Turd in Preseason Opener"

  1. vj

    I believe Young came in before B.J. got any garbage time.
    They really did not play like they gave a shit about earning jobs last night. Our backups are not as good as pedestrian football teams are…that means more draft blunders by the can do no wrong, Teddy T

  2. Phatgzus

    Cardinals actually have a decent defense so I’m not too worried about that, yet. House won’t be starting to begin the season so thank God for that, then again he’s only played half a season in his career and he’s still better than Jarrett Bush. I’ve defended Harrell before but boy was that a stinker, he’s making Kerry Collins look like Dan Fucking Marino. He wasn’t even the worse thing about this game though, as Jones now has a sprained ankle, there goes his preseason. At least there’s 3 more weeks of it.

  3. the real russ letlow

    the ship isn’t sinking………..yet. But, before yesterday I was thinking that Vince Young didn’t stand a chance to make the team. Well – not so fast………..I think that for now, the backup QB is the item I’m most concerned about. And, with any luck during the season, it won’t matter.

  4. FITZCORE1252

    Definitely not a strong performance, but there were some bright spots. Walker may be a find. Jolly played a ton, knocked some rust off and made some plays, he will make this team. Bakhtiari had a very solid performance.

    Anxious for next week… Hopefully Lacy will be back, I want to see that kid in game action.

  5. cd4packers

    Great observations…and analysis. What I don’t get is why the heck the Packers put this showing together for the opening game…I would have been sorely disappointed if I were a fan sitting in that audience. I am going to the Rams/Packers game in St. Louis next week….and it better not suck ass like this game did.

    • Rodgers

      It’s preseason, get over it. If you want real action, pony up the money and go to a regular season game.

      They aren’t there to entertain you, they’re there to figure some things out.

  6. the real russ letlow

    If its the Packers and I can go , I’m there, and I’m rooting for them to win, regardless…….

  7. Great review of the game. I feel the exact same way. I do think that other the real “highlight” of the game (meaning the only positive that you neglected to mention) was that David Bahktiari seemed to do a good job on the left side. AR looked pretty sharp. Everything else sucked ass. I can’t believe that Jermichael Finley let a little safety take that ball away from him like that – shameful! Dear TT: please focus on getting Raji re-signed, and then Jones if you want. EDS – I could go either way. But don’t worry about Finley because he is never going to live up to his potential since he doesn’t have the mental make-up for it.

  8. Shawn Iltarion

    Its preseason. Great time to lay a turd.

    TERRIBLE game to watch though.

    I am not going to waive DJ Williams or demote Harrell and House over one preseason game. Shit game. Move on.

    Tyrone Walker is a find. The Packers may have to keep 6 WRs since Ross is clearly the best return guy unless you leave Cobb in the role. Ross is NOT a good WR. Walker should be above him on the depth chart.

    Franklin should not be returning kicks.

    On the INT, Ross was open when Harrell went to throw it. He got bumped off and Peterson got a complete gift. That play was the classic difference between a game and practice. In practice, Ross never gets bumped off.

    Harrell has to hang onto the ball on that sack though. Abraham came from his right. Gotta feel that.

    Lets see Bakhtiari and Barclay at tackle. Come on, now.

    Micah Hyde can tackle. Still not sure that guy shouldn’t be a safety.

    My man, Jerron McMillian…. UGH.

    I hope its not another preseason of bitching about our back up QB. Again, its a BACK UP.

    • Savage57

      Coupla things to consider…

      If it’s JUST a pre-season game, and as you say, no one deserves to be cut or waived based on one game (DJ Williams, House, Harrell) then applying the same logic you can’t annoint (Walker, Ross, Bakhtiari) based on one game, either.

      And while I can agree with the hope for a pre-season of no gnashing of teeth over the backup QB position, the cold harsh reality is that QB’s get injured in the NFL pretty frequently and then that afterthought backup becomes the STARTER.

      Then we all might have something to be concerned about.

  9. Shawn Iltarion

    Oh…

    And easily the biggest disappointment in that game was Datone Jones getting injured on his first play. How about them apples?

    Finally, Charles Johnson and Ken Dorsey? Say hello to the practice squad.

  10. Not_a_packer

    Were the QB’s able to run the offense. Makes reads, call the play? That’s what matters in the preseason. No points scored. It’s an evaluation of the offseason and where players are at, going full speed. You don’t cut two back up QB’s, who you’ve got two years invested in and know the playbook. Geeze. Lots of wanna be player managers out there.

  11. rebelgb

    Harrell is so fucking bad. I havent like that guy since the second he put on one of our uniforms.

    I can throw the ball harder than that fucking guy; and I have a shit arm….

  12. Shawn Iltarion

    Yeah, but you didn’t like A-Rodge either, rebel. Remember when you used to say HE had no arm? I do.

  13. Tobey

    Yup, you’re article was as usual…spot on!
    God, Harrell looks awful…timid, even in the shotgun. He doesn’t inspire confidence, looks tenative…Coleman looks, scattershot.
    After all these years of being in the system, a backup…Harrell looks overmatched. Shaky. Wow. Twice I saw McCarthy chewing his ass on the sideline after the series was over and the punt team was on the field. God…you gotta be kidding me. He can’t play. I even tweeted jasonjwilde…to no response. Horseshit!!

  14. PF4L

    lol ….iltarion….Remember the last 2 seasons you didn’t think the O line, the running game, and the defense were problems…….Moron

  15. vj

    Yeah, its just preseason…nevermind the reigning Super Bowl Champ Ravens put up 44 pts with a totally revamped team…yeah, it doesnt matter we could not score 1 fucking pt at home against the Cardinals

    • Phatgzus

      Don’t you know it’s a physical impossibility to score just 1 point in an NFL game?
      You sound like a Nervous Nelly, seriously, take a chill pill, the offense will be fine, we have Aaron Rodgers. If he goes down, yeah, we’re screwed, but how many teams aren’t if their franchise QB or RB goes down? Also, the defense only gave up 17 points, 14 on TOs, and if you haven’t noticed over the past 3 years, are offense rarely turns the ball over, esp. when deep in their own zone. Take a breath, smoke some weed, eat some shrooms, do something to relax, dear GOD, man:

    • Phatgzus

      Darn you Fitz, I stand corrected, your streak stays in tact; it’s a physical improbability then. Interesting read.

    • Harry Houdini

      That is amazing – I laughed reading that article and thinking of Doug Flutie running back a failed conversion and then drop kicking the ball through the uprights. Nice Pull.

      • Phatgzus

        Just imagining lil’ ol’ Flutie getting chased down the football field by 3 tons of humanity, definitely classic.

  16. Flyboy7588

    Well, I think it is safe to say the Packers don’t have as deep a bench as hoped. The back up QB situation could be a real problem. Time for Starks to go.

  17. icebowl

    Of note : The secondary gave up 270 yds. Mostly to a second string Cardinals offense….
    Remind me again why they let Wood go….

  18. Chris Resitvo

    Sorry to say but the Vikings are gonna destroy the entire NFC North and THEN advance far in the playoffs. You bitches don’t have a shot in hell AGAINST US. BRING IT ON.

  19. tedtomato

    Hahahaha..cowboys of the 90’s..hahahahahahaha..im laughing so hard i cant type! Hahahaha..I wish some team would pull off another Hershel Walker type trade with your purple pukes! Thanks for making me laugh so hard Restivo..have fun watching that turd ponder throwing wounded ducks to gj…lol…stupid kooks on lsd!

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *