Let’s Not Forget, the Minnesota Vikings Are a Joke!

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Christian Ponder

Christian Ponder

The Minnesota Vikings. A joke of an organization. A joke of a team. And most importantly, a joke of a fan base. We’ve been reminded of these undeniable facts several times over the past week and now we will remind you.

Recently, I’ve seen several things that just made me stop and laugh. They all involved the Minnesota Vikings. Please, let’s share some guffaws.

The Minnesota Vikings will soon be playing exactly where they belong

In the college ranks! After years of trying to get a new stadium to replace the dump known as the Metrodome (and watching as the much more competent Twins and Gophers football program were able accomplish this very goal), the Vikings are finally getting their own new home. The Hormel Chili Dome will start construction in 2014. One problem — they’re building it in the same place where their old, shitty stadium now stands.

They were going to play their games in the parking lot, but the NFL nixed that idea, which caused Vikings owner Groucho Marks to throw down his cigar in disgust. Now, the Vikings will play their 2014 and 2015 home games in TCF Bank Stadium, which is where the Gophers play. While there, they’re expected to give Indiana a run for worst record in the Big 10.

Christian Ponder Superstar

See, the words Christian Ponder and Jesus Christ are interchangeable for Vikings fans. Just like the words “pig” and “wife.” But really, this Christian Ponder guy is awesome. So awesome, in fact, that he was the only quarterback in the NFL to start all 16 games in 2012 and NOT throw for at least 3,000 yards.

And if you’re the only guy to do something, that puts you in a class by yourself. The Vikings know this and that’s why general manager Rick Spielman is giving Ponder the credit for leading the team to the playoffs last year. Sure, Adrian Peterson had something to do with that, but Ponder had just as much to do with it.

“I give him just as much credit for getting us in the playoffs as Adrian,” Spielman said.

You can see why, right? I mean, take Ponder off that team and there’s no way the Vikings are making the playoffs!

Adrian Peterson has realistic goals

Adrian Peterson is a beast. No doubt about that (good thing he has Christian Ponder, though). He rushed for over 2,000 yards in 2012. What does he want to do in 2013?

Rush for 2,500 yards. That’s totally doable.

All Peterson has to do is average just over 156 yards per game. He topped that number five times in 2012. So, he’ll just have to do it 11 more times in 2013. O.J. Simpson — Adrian’s role model for football and life — authored the highest per game average in NFL history in 1973, when he rushed for just over 143 yards per game.

This will be a historic season in Minnesota all around though. One where records that have rarely even been approached will be blown out of the water! Why? Because it’s all coming together!

“I want a couple rings,” Peterson said. “We’ve got to start at one and we need to get that one this year. We have the potential to get to the Super Bowl and win. It’s just all about coming together.”

You’ll be a laughingstock no more, Minnesota!

Not after this year!

About The Author

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.

21 Comments on "Let’s Not Forget, the Minnesota Vikings Are a Joke!"

  1. Fludoc

    Well you have to admit they are becoming somewhat less jokeable. I mean they haven’t had a love boat incident in a few years. And the MSP airport hasn’t found any whizzinators lately. So … Progress.

  2. ms

    So I just stumbled on this site. Is this an actual sports blog or just a troll site? I’ve never met a single Packers fan a fraction as horrible as the person who wrote this. If it’s just trolling, I’ll be on my way out because this is the internet and trolls are everywhere. Otherwise, I want to know if you brought a tape measure to find out how far your head is up your ass.

      • ms

        Well, I just confirmed this isn’t a real sports site. A chief editor (or who ever runs the show) would have erased that comment to protect the dignity of their site and their writers.

        Otherwise, the articles are very entertaining! It’s like a movie that is so bad, it is good. Nothing makes me happier than see a bunch of Packers fans conglomerate together to hate on others and praise themselves instead of reporting actual news that isn’t meaningless observations.

        • Phatgzus

          Yeah, too bad that’s not actually the editor; when he responds he uses his full name, and his retort is much more intelligent and thought out than that.

          Grow up, stop trolling websites of other teams, and pollute the Vikings’ or Bears’ websites.

          • pack maniac

            hey, i thought that retort was very intelligent, and thought out, not to mention very dry and witty.

            the internet’s cool.

            go pack go!

  3. Sharon Rodgers

    Why even take the time to write this? Why did I take the time to read this? Jesus Christ this was pointless.

  4. justin

    You guys need a hobby. This cant even be counted as bashing. It has no stats, logic, or even intelligence. You guys are all the same. Most packer fans are decent guys. But losers like you just stink up the whole affair. Grow up. This is just plain pathetic. Grow up

  5. Shawn Iltarion

    Every time a RB manages to get 2,000 yards, they immediately blast off about how they are gonna get 2,500 the next season.

    Idiotic.

    Look, someone tell these guys that no RB in NFL history who ever ran for 2,000 yards ever did it a second time.

    So, one’s goals would be plenty high enough to say “I’m going for 2,000 again” after doing it once. No need to get crazy and talk about 2,500.

    AP will have a hard time repeating 2012. The Vikings, like the Packers, play the AFC North this year. That means the Steelers, Ravens, Browns and Bengals. In other words, some of the better run defenses in football. So, good luck with that.

    • Phatgzus

      He’s just trying to motivate himself and his team; it’s possible he may hit 2,000 again, assuming Jennings and Patterson pan out for the Queens. Also, GB had a better run (and overall) defense than Balty or Cleveland did last year.

  6. Chad Lundberg

    I know Monty is gonna grill me for this, but I mean Adrian Peterson is a beast. 2,000 yards after recovering from an ACL? He’s still only 28 years old, so this might be the year that the 2,500 mark is at least closed in on.

    All that aside, you have to admit that Peterson is the only likeable Viking (if there is one) because if you watch even one game of the Vikings, you’ll see that their run blocking is completely average, meaning all those rushing yards are as legit for a running back as they can be.

    So even if 2,500 rushing yards is unrealistic and ridiculous, Peterson has pretty much earned the right set himself for that goal IMO.

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