Buy More Pulltabs, You Ingrates!

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Vikings new stadium

Vikings new stadium

Sorry, that was meant for Minnesota Vikings “fans,” not for you.

You see, after years loud talking through their main source of oxygen intake, the dickwads from Minnesota finally got a new stadium for their beloved Vikings. At least in theory they did. A bunch of folks — government types and the team owners — figured out how to split up the bill to pay for their glorious new Hormel Chili Dome. Part of that plan was to use revenue from gambling to help finance this new barn.

Well, that’s been going swimmingly.

Six months after the state approved a plan to fund a new Vikings stadium with charitable gambling, sales of electronic pulltabs and bingo are running nowhere near initial projections.

Gross revenues for the games are $7.5 million — just over one-fifth the $35 million projected last May. Projections for tax revenue from all charitable gambling, forecast at $17 million this fiscal year, are expected to be scaled back with Thursday’s state budget forecast.

So now the stadium plan is, once again, on shaky footing.

Surprisingly, Vikings fans may not even be to blame here. I mean, you’d figure they were too busy blowing their welfare checks on Hamm’s, cartons of Kools and some new siding for the trailer and not buying their damn pulltabs (and you’d probably be right). However, it looks like fault lies further up the idiot food chain.

Charities oversee the forms of gambling tabbed to help fund the stadium, but they’ve been slow to get them into bars. It turns out distributors have to pass background checks and you can probably see how that would be an issue for these rutabagas. In addition, there’s been no marketing and per-machine revenue has been around half of what was projected. A real solid plan put together by some real solid minds.

So now what?

More gambling! Less regulation!

Seriously, the state is contemplating creating new games that the charities won’t oversee so they can get them in bars faster. Thus, the morons will be parted with their money at a much faster rate.

Or, you know, you ingrates could just go buy your damn pulltabs already!

About The Author

Mad Packer is the kind of guy you should sit beside at Lambeau. Just once. Find him on Twitter @1MadPacker.

4 Comments on "Buy More Pulltabs, You Ingrates!"

    • Phatgzus

      Maybe they can be the first overseas team, the Bratislava Vikings has a nice ring I think. Then again if they go oversees, no one in Europe will ever watch football again.

  1. Savage57

    If funds are short, maybe they can have the stadium re-designed without a roof to conserve $$ and the aptly named Queens to the west can begin to live up to their supposed Viking heritage. Any self-respecting Norseman’s first order of business would be to burn their pussy domes to the ground and force the team to play out in the elements like men.

    It is just so damn easy to hate these fuckers.

  2. therealChuckywasCecil

    It wouldn’t be as much fun to pick on them if they moved to LA or Bratislava. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

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