Talking Trash with Purple Jesus Diaries: Playoff Edition

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Vikings fans

Vikings fans

Green Bay Packers vs. Minnesota Vikings. Playoffs.

There hasn’t been a bigger game between the good guys and those suckbags in a while, so we decided to trade a few barbs with the boys at Purple Jesus Diaries, who, unlike most Vikings fans, can occasionally string together a couple coherent thoughts in between bowls of Hormel Chili.

We posed the questions. They answered them.

So, you made the playoffs. How does it feel to actually be relevant in the NFL? Must take some getting used to for you guys?
Oh, you know, it feels great. In a season where every rational person was expecting the Vikings to end up 3-13 again because our team frankly isn’t that good, it just shows how shitty the rest of the NFL (and especially the division) is when our team of buttholes can coast to a 10-6 record and get into the playoffs, including beating the Packers in order to do so. It’s a little different than years past, I admit, having the national spotlight on us… except I guess for all those accolades we receive for having the best running back in the history of the NFL on our team, one of the top three receivers in the history of the game, and a pill popping former rival QB taking us to the NFC Championship. No Super Bowls though? Sure, but we DO still have a 1-0 record versus the Packers in the playoffs! That’s always something to rest our hat on.

When Adrian Peterson missed that rushing record, it must have broken your heart, huh? It certainly did mine.
Horrible. If you re-watch his last rush, it looks like he goes from running outside to cutting back in so your moron defensive backs are forced to tackle him in bounds, letting the clock run out. Like he did 2000-ish years ago, he sacrificed himself and his records for the betterment of others. I do really wish he would have gone out of bounds and the team would have lined up for one more run, because Adrian Peterson is averaging, what, 37 yards per attempt against the Packers this season? He definitely would have broken the record. But I guess having the SECOND best rushing season in the history of the NFL is OK too. I’d ask you guys what you think that is like, but you likely haven’t seen anything you want to call a running game in that land of poop since Samkon Gado.

So, Adrian Peterson, even I’ll admit he’s good. He must have been responsible for about 95 percent of the Vikings offensive production this season. Is it possible he can also play quarterback and defense? Seriously, I can’t think of one other player on the Vikings who would make the Mankato High JV squad. How did the Vikings win 10 games?
Did you know Mankato has the highest per-capita reported instances of STDs, I think, in the country? I never knew so many Wisconsin kids were so poor that they had to apply to Mankato instead of stay in state. Real brain buster there. Also, they have an STD clinic which skews the data, but that’s math talk, so don’t try to understand it. In response to your question, I don’t know. Really. I pegged them at about six wins, eight if they got stupid down the stretch. Instead, they went full gangbuster and finished 4-0 down the stretch. It’s been a lot of Adrian Peterson, but dough-faced Christian Ponder turned a corner once he got married and is getting equally lucky and smarter on his throws. The defense has been playing better too, which has made a big difference. I honestly can’t make any other excuses besides those things though, meaning, I have no legitimate answer for you.

The Vikings are going to sign Greg Jennings in the offseason, aren’t they? We all know the Vikings can only make a deep playoff run when they have a good supply of ex-Packers on the team.
I sure as shit hope so. I’d say we could trade Percy Harvin straight up for him, but Mike McCarthy is so dumb he’d probably try to convert him to cornerback. Obviously, in this upcoming game and going forward, the Vikings desperately need a better receiver than Michael Jenkins and Jerome Simpson. Jennings would fit the bill, and yes, retread Packers have treated the Vikings well. I don’t know if it’s because Packers management only likes their boys young, or if they only commit to aging stars if they commit sex crimes or get engaged to strippers to “prove” they aren’t gay (Destiny Newton, anyone?!), but anytime you jackoffs get too cheap to pay a player who is actually still good and want to send them our way, just shoot us an email. I mean, if you can find a public library with access to dial up in the next four days.

Okay, give me your deluded opinion on how the Vikings actually have a chance on Sunday. And then please throw in a Skol Vikings after whatever you say, because we all love it when Vikings fans say that.
I’ll skip on the “Skol Vikings” because I generally hate silly Vikings fans as much as you do, but I will say you dick noses are in for a big surprise. You’re vaunted “Lambeau mystique” is a load of Sasquatch shit, and no one is afraid of playing you in Lambeau at any point of an NFL season, including this stupid Vikings team that should be 3-13. We were on a fast track to washing your mouths out with soap earlier in the year before our engaged-but-not-married quarterback got blue balled and threw two stupid interceptions. That won’t happen again. The Vikings (aka, THE TEAM OF DESTINY) are 10-0 this season when they have a plus-or-wash turnover ratio. It simply means that if we don’t turn the ball over, or at least get one more turnover than you boneheads are likely to give us, we win. Simple as that. Peterson has only been averaging, what, like 205 yards against the Packers this season? So I’d expect a heavy dose of him too, in a cold weather game where your rookies are going to have their arms fall off after they try to tackle him. Then, it’s going to come down to a close game and — surprise! — a kicker will need to make a long field goal. I think I’ll take my chances with Blair Walsh over Mason Crosby outside any day of the season, especially the playoffs.

Good luck assholes, but always remember you only won one more game than this pathetic Vikings team did this year. Suck a boner. Vikes win, 33-30.

For a look at our answers to their questions and, more importantly, to leave them nasty comments, go to this page.

About The Author

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.

93 Comments on "Talking Trash with Purple Jesus Diaries: Playoff Edition"

    • gogettergb

      isnt your name dave kelsey? i think i know a dude who banged your wife or some shitz while you were outta town or some shit. lol seriously dude no joke

    • Packer Bob

      When the hell will you ass clowns finally get a new stadium so you can move out of the “Boner Dome”? Does it need to fall apart again to get someone’s attention, or is everyone in MN too busy eating hormel chili and fucking sheep?

      • PJD

        Great question. The schedule is to play 2013 in Zygi’s Hood, 2014 and 2015 at the Goofer’s outdoor stadium, and then be ready for the new one on the old Dumper site in 2016. Hopefully it has SOME open air quality to it, or it’s a god damn waste of my tax payer dollars.

  1. PackAttack

    All Viking fans are a complete and pathetic joke — MN sport fans in general are an embarrassment to all fans across the country. No where else will you find a fanbase that gloats and pouts as much as MN fans do. Even Sports Illustrated went as far as to say that MN fans are the in top 10 for worst in the country! When can we stop hearing about the ’09 season that never was? Seriously that’s going on four years now. When can we stop hearing about how much better of an organization the Vikings are than the Packers? How is it possible to think this way? Now you happen to pull out ONE win against your neighborhood rivals for the first time in three years and now you can’t shut-up about it? — grow up and get over it. Last time I checked the Green Bay media and fans weren’t gloating about being 5-0 against the Vag-Queens since OUR disgruntled QB left you in shambles.

    Take things into perspective Dike fans. You’ve accomplished nothing where the Packers have achieved everything — it’s not an exulting statement but rather a cold hard fact. You have zero NFL championships, the worst football venue in professional sports, your own owners have acknowledged the notion of at one time selling the franchise to LA, your history is marked by shame and defeat (Gary Anderson and Brett Favre to name a few — throw in Brad Childress). Look at the numbers, you’ve won your own division twice and been to the playoffs just four times in the last twelve years.

    Not even Bears fans are as bad as this ignorant white trash fanbase. If the Dikes win on Sunday you’ll never hear the end of it where if the Pack win it’s expected and forgotten about — therein lies your separation between the two franchises fanbase.

  2. RelampagoBlanco

    I just wish these shit stains would come up with an original thought when it comes to their weak attempts at “trash talking”. The whole “fudge packers” and genius “fat fans” remarks have gotten stale. That Chris Restivo character, although a punkass waste of space, at least came up with the comical insult of “your franchise resembles a gay night club.” Bravo.

    • PackAttack

      They’ve literally got nothing else to look forward to. Gopher Football has been so pathetic for the past 20 years that the white trash fanbase has finally given up on them and solely focused on trying to will the Vikings back into relevancy. This is the way ALL MN fans are, it’s why they are regarded as some of the worst in the country, it’s pathetic.

      Pack lead all time series vs. Dikes, more Division Titles, how many more Super Bowl wins do the Pack have? Lambeau Legacy vs. the Dome Trash? I don’t understand why this is even a rivalry — these two franchises couldn’t be any more of a polar opposite from each other.

      The real question is where are all these white trash Dike fans gonna be if they lose this weekend? Because earlier this year they all disappeared after they got their asses handed to them — should be interesting.

    • PJD

      Please note that the author of the Purple Jesus Diaries post DID NOT use the “fudge Packer” insult because I agree, it is a bit boring and trite. However, I have become partial to calling Packer fans “Rabies babies” for no good reason at all. Would you prefer that?

      I’ll take your comments off-line, and ignore them, thanks.

      • PackAttack

        whatever helps fuel that JV site of yours. maybe put it in the homo section of your site next to shirtless vikings

        • PJD

          I would like to, but I’m afraid the “homo section” wouldn’t fair as well with pageviews as the “Shirtless Vikings Sucking Each Other’s Nipples” page, so I’ll probably leave it as is. Thanks for the suggestion though, and glad to hear you checked out the Shirtless Vikings page. Which half naked man was your favorite? I bet it was Chris Kluwe. Don’t worry, man, he’s EVERYONE’s favorite.

          • PackAttack

            Didn’t bother reading or viewing any aspect of the pathetic site. Sorry man. It’s tough to miss with the big bold headline at the top, “SHIRTLESS VIKINGS”. I thought maybe it was a joke, then I thought “well shit maybe a chick runs this site” — then I saw some dude posted about sleeping with your wife, then I came all the way back to the fact that your some broke vike-queens faggot who blogs and runs some trashy homo website and then I forgot all about you.

  3. Wisconsinbleedspurple

    We all know Green Bay IS VIKING NATION!! Soft pussy team! We can totally kick Peyton Manning or Tom Brady’s ass!!

  4. RelampagoBlanco

    Rabies Babies did make me laugh..and I was more so referring to Vikings fans that have been trolling lately. I’m sure PJD is a quality blog in its own right, however I will not be trolling there.

    • PJD

      I respect your level headed response, but, no, it’s not a very quality blog. Not much to be done about that, unfortunately. Maybe more Matthew Stafford GF pics?

  5. peter

    Jennings: we prefer warm weather or domes. I hate playing in the cold.
    Rodgers: I threw for 350 TDs, 4 TDs and 0 INTs and we still lost.
    GB’s o-line: Allen/Robison/Griffen own us.
    Raji: I’m gonna wave my fat finger even though Peterson got another 200 yards.

    I can’t wait. I hope Moss is in attendance.

  6. Drunk On Duval Street

    I know a few Viking fans that can carry on an adult conversation. They are humble and throw in tasteful jokes from time to time. The guy trolling here is posting irrelavent nonsense to get a rise out of Packer fans. That or he forgot to take his Aspergers medicine.

    • PJD

      Better bone up on your current events. Aspergers has recently been unidentified as an actual condition. Why would I have medicine for a fake affliction?

  7. PJD

    You guys are kind of in a no-win situation here. If you win, big deal, you were obviously the better team and were supposed to win all along. But if you lose, whoa, what the hell man? How did you manage to choke that game away?

    As a Vikings fan, I clearly don’t understand this position since my team isn’t suppose to win any games, ever, so I can only imagine how tough this is for you.

    • JayBee

      Yeah you’re right, advancing to the next round of the playoffs if the Packers win is not “really” a win. Love that skol logic.

  8. Wisconsinbleedspurple

    We own that ass!!! Always will!! You are a cocky and stupid fanbase that hasn’t earned the right to talk shit!!!

  9. BerryJS

    This is so cute, these guys think they have a chance. Best of luck this weekend guys. The greatest part about the Vikings making the playoffs is the fact that it will cost them 2 more years of Ponder as their starting QB. Can you even imagine what this kid will look like playing in the open air? You kiddos come over here as fans of you J.V. team and talk shit like a little brother. Keep on being annoying and causing all the trouble you want, but know this, at any point we can knock you the fuck out. Dance around and find the line, its human nature to do so, but rest assured when you cross it you will know.

    P.S. Remember that time you took a white running back in the second round? Was that 1956 or 1957… wait? What? 2010 weird?

    • peter

      “Dance around and find the line, its human nature to do so, but rest assured when you cross it you will know. ”

      What’s that, a threat? What are you going to do, commit annonymous-to-annonymous insults on the internet some more? Oh no.

  10. Richard

    I’m surprised to learn that Hormel Chili purchased Skippy peanut butter today for 700 million. No punchline, I just found it interesting.

  11. nurseratchett

    Holy cow…I’ve been transported back in time to junior high! Soon, you’ll progress to calling each other doodie heads!

    The only thing I dislike more than when we get into politics on this fan site is when we give any attention at all to the opponent. Especially the @&Q^#$% vikings. God, I hate the @&Q^#$% vikings…..

    PJD-this is for you, you sister fucking hormel chili inhaling skol screaming fuck…

    GO PACK GO!!!!

  12. Wisconsinbleedspurple

    Please your fanbase is racist as shit and not diverse at all. In Minnesota the school system is superior to your shitty Wisconsin hitler loving shithole. I will fight any of you douchebags. I was trained by a brutal grandmaster in martial arts over in Milwaukee!! Fuck you!!

    • Ivomitonvikingfans

      Your post is a clear demonstration of a superior education. You must work at NASA. Now how about you keep to sniffing your sister’s underwear. You inveterate imbeciles give me a new appreciation for Bear fans. They are manic and rather dim but you half-assed Canadians are too much.

  13. Snarff1

    This past morning I came home from my 3rd shift job to to find that my daughters ViQueen boyfriend drank all the milk leaving none for my 5 year old grandsons cereal. Any grown adult would know its wrong to take the last drop of milk from a defenceless child. Now I hate the Queens even more. Don’t worry, I ran right to the store for milk. Just wait till I see him that asshole.

    • PJD

      Well, we can agree there. What a jerk. This is clearly a bi-product of being a fan of the Vikings, and not being an imbecile teenager. If your daughter knows what’s good for her, she’ll break up with this loser.

    • Kozak

      Oh so scary. But I bet your mom won’t let you out of her basement. By the tell your mom hi, she really likes the Dirty Sanchez.

    • Ivomitonvikingfans

      Don’t forget your sombrero rimjob!! I also am an expert in the arts of war and have perfected the Patrick Swayze “Roadhouse” throat ripper. So I will be waiting for you.

  14. Scotty

    Vikes fans, you might as well stop trying to reason with Fudge Packer fans. They are uneducated, fat, and ugly. They got nothing else to do in their lives but cheer for their Fudgies. Their uniforms are as ugly as their wives and girlfriends

  15. Scotty

    Hey, at least we don’t have a guy named “BJ’ on our team, a nickname that was given to him by his teammates. For all you packer fans who are still trying to understand the reference, it’s what you like your pet cow to do to you while your standing in your living room in the barn.

  16. Abe Frohman

    MN fans are the worst. How else do you explain the loss of so many different professional sports franchises? You lost the Lakers to LA. You lost the Stars to Dallas. There’s probably more but the caffeine has not kicked in yet. You’ve almost lost the shit stain vikings, too. No wonder the tradition of the franchise is nothing but failure. Minnesota sucks (except Brian Setzer).

  17. PJD


    BerryJS:

    … but know this, at any point we can knock you the fuck out

    Oh dear … Then what happened last Sunday?!

    P.S. Remember that time you took a white running back in the second round? Was that 1956 or 1957… wait? What? 2010 weird?

    Yes. That was, unfortunately, quite terrible. He has a fat, ugly head.

  18. Chris Restivo

    Fuck you faggot, OUR QB Is FAR Superior than yours is. YOU CANT STOP AP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Kozak

      Ponder QB rating 80, 21st in league.

      Rodgers QB rating 120 1st in league.
      And MVP, and Superbowl MVP, and Super Bowl winner,
      Something no Viking has ever done.

      Thanks for being a prime example of the know nothing ignorant, cretinous Queens “fans”.

  19. tedtomato

    Your qb far superior to ours..hahahaha..whos the reigning nfl mvp? Grow up kid..does mommy know youre on the computer?

  20. tedtomato

    Your starting qb wouldnt even be a 2nd stringer on most teams. Your receivers are 3rd string at best..even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in awhile.

  21. tedtomato

    Yeah christian butthole pounder is great..some logic there buddy. Aaron has 4 straight 4000 yard passing seasons. Led the league in qb rating last 2 seasons..has SUPERBOWL victory and SUPERBOWL MVP..and is reigning league mvp. Talk shit when your purple puke team actually wins something!

  22. Chris Restivo

    Aaron Rodgers is a PUSSY BITCH. Come on Eli smoked his ass last year, and even RGIII is superior to him. Tell me when you have a 15-1 season and almost win it all?? FAGGOT

    • tequila

      Chris, how does it feel to be the prototype of the ill informed, sexually tormented, low IQ Vikings fan? You are the reason the fan base is a joke, you chilli stained cum dumpster.

  23. tedtomato

    Eli did not smoke his ass..giants got hot their defense was playing great. Kinda funny how these fans of the purple puke are so JEALOUS of the Pack and us PACKER fans that they come on a PACKER website & try to insult us!

  24. tedtomato

    Rodgers a pussy bitch? Put your shitty qb behind our shitty offensive line & SHE wouldnt have anywhere near the numbers Aaron has!

  25. Chris Restivo

    Whatever if you wanna fight me then do it. Ain’t no threats just promises. DIck riding Fudge Packin fag fans

    • tequila

      Pick fights somewhere people give a shit you moron. If you want to impress anyone here try these techniques: critical thinking, spelling, fully realized thought process, and of course finishing your sex ed homework prior to blog trolling.

  26. tedtomato

    Step away from mommys computer 12 year old he/she. Just cuz your team wears purple doesnt mean the rest of the teams or fans are gay too!

  27. RelampagoBlanco

    The best part about this Restivo kid is that he may honestly think that he is intimidating. Itching for some stranger to fly out to Baltimore to fist fight you? In what way is any of that a sane, rational thought?
    And let me beat you to your obvious response… No I’m not afraid to do any of this, just much more mature.

  28. Drunk On Duval Street

    Who are the Minnesota Vikings? Are they an expansion team or do they play in the CFL? Clearly the NFL will let any jokester team join the league. Back when the Packers joined in 1919, heritage and tradition were a staple in professional sports. These new expansion team’s fanbases thrive on trite insults and empty threats. They should change their team name to the “Minnesota Pretenders” because aside from all the should have’s, could have’s and would have’s, this fanbase is left with nothing but a bunch of pretentious fools stranded in a sea of futility.

  29. Wisconsinbleedspurple

    Minnesota is old school and a release from you cocky bastards. We hate you, Dallas, Bears, and Lions more than you can imagine. So fuck you and your shit stained championships. Ponder is the next Aikman you bitch!!!

    • Kozak

      Hey dumbass WE own the team, our stadium is packed every week, the season ticket list is 30 years long, and no one is talking about a move to Los Angeles.

      Sad sad pathetic Queens and their sad little disturbed “fans”

  30. tedtomato

    When did you sign Eli? You are pathetic..purple pansy..everyone in this state is way too cool to bleed puke purple!

  31. mxz600

    How about, Viking fans actually win something, besides…finally winning a regular season game. And THEN jawing….Just like Bear fans…..Decades of losing, all talk, but no Super Bowls.

  32. Chris Restivo

    Whatever you dick riding bandwagon faggots. We will always be ten times more popular than your Fudge Packin homos ever will be.

  33. Chris Restivo

    jared allen and everson griffen are gonna bury them in the snow yeaaaaaaaaaaah vikings!!!!!!! 8:00 primetime bitches

  34. tedtomato

    Hahahaha..wow i think your mommy needs to wash your mouth out with soap.gayred allen is a faggot..wish somebody would kick him in the junk when she does the goat roping thing. Your purple puke..will never be as popular as the PACK!

  35. Chris

    Did a Vikings fan just call Packer fans bandwagoners? And then claim their team is more popular?

    Gotta love Vikings fans, they never let the fact that their clueless stop them from running their mouths.

  36. tedtomato

    Awwwww..where are you purple pukes now? Still crying about butt pounders arm? Btw real teams show up in the playoffs!

  37. PackAttack

    Game over. Season over. Rest in pieces Vikes fans. Where are all you dumb pieces of shit at now? That was the most pathetic playoff performance in 20 years. What a joke. You had ZERO business being in the playoffs, you beat NO ONE this year, NO ONE. You got lucky and won a few home games and thought the NFL was yours to run. New Orleans? Just shows how fucking stupid MN sports fans are.

    Enjoy your winter faggots.

  38. Sean

    Wisconsin: racist, homophobic, ignorant scumbags that are the biggest bandwagon era of their teams in all of sports.

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