Clay Matthews celebrates Packers win over Vikings

The following was submitted by commenter E. Wolf, who found himself sifting through the comments of Minnesota Vikings fans after they were beat down by the Green Bay Packers on Saturday. He is properly reveling in Vikings fans’ despair and now you can too!

Saturday night’s playoff win against the Minnesota Vikings featured Aaron Rodgers and the Green Bay Packers “double up,” where they scored at the end of the first half and then go right back and do it again to start the second. Perhaps a less discussed, but equally if not more important “double up” is that we Packers fans get to bask in the joy and ecstasy of not just a Packers playoff victory, but also in the delicious Schadenfreude that comes from a debilitating Vikings loss. That makes it twice as sweet!

As one of the most inept playoff performances I can recall in recent memory, the Vikings do not even get the satisfaction of a valiant losing effort. It was so pitiful that coach Mike McCarthy shut down the Packers offense midway through the second half. Mark Chmura described it as a “half-bye,” a sort of live-fire training session that will serve us well against the San Francisco 49ers this week.

That has to hurt — for Vikings fans. But their loss and pain is our gain. Why? Because the Minnesota Vikings and their fans are our enemies. They and so many of their fans epitomize all that is soulless and wrong, albeit inept.

Given the good nature of most Packers fans (Lambeau Field is probably the most friendly venue to visiting fans, even of hated rivals in the league), the importance of this is sometimes lost. We know how to love our Packers, but sometimes we forget how — or why — to hate the Minnesota Vikings and those who support them.

While there are doubtless many venues that illustrate what a disgraceful breed most Vikings fans, and while so much of our history with the Minnesota Vikings ought to inspire hatred and bloodlust, from the Monday Night Football game in ’98, to the infamous Randy Moss mooning, to signing a certain former Packers player, touching off a veritable civil war in Packerland between true Packers fans and Berty Judas nutlickers and sycophants, one particularly rich source from this game in particular can be gleaned from comments on the Star Tribune website. Probably the most despicable, loathsome of all were the repeated calls for a Vikings player to purposely injure Rodgers, such as:

Direct snap … that’s what needs to happen to Rodgers’ leg

somebody put a hit on rodgers

Time for some Bounty Hunting

Truly classless and despicable. Notably, such calls were not isolated.

Aside from having no class, some Vikings fans were invariably calling for coach Leslie Frazier to be fired.

My honest opinion is we need a new head coach. He is too much of a wuss! He needs to get some balls!

Indeed, a veteran safety from the storied ’85 Chicago Bears is a wuss — and playoff games do not come down to say, being hopelessly outmatched in talent on the field, but by “being a wuss’ and the need to “get some balls.”

As much as I disdain the Vikings, Frazier brought a 3-13 team that most pundits predicted would again be one of the worst in the league, to the playoffs, with some surprising victories over the Texans, 49ers, and, sadly, against our beloved Packers. This was in large part because of Adrian Peterson’s unbelievable season. But it remains the case that the coaching staff has helped exceed expectations. And at least some of you idiots and cretins want to fire him.  Queue Graham Parker’s “Stupefaction.”

The most important thing we learn from Vikings fans is not just the innate inferiority of the Minnesota Vikings — now celebrating over 50 years of hopeless futility — but that Vikings fans KNOW, deep down in their bones, that their team is inferior. Here’s a gem.

I was fantasizing before the game started. Time for that is over I’m afraid.

Note the word “fantasizing.”  Lesson learned — sustained playoff success for the Vikings is about as realistic as some letter to Penthouse Forum drafted by an adolescent boy.

The performance of the Vikings was so terrible it warranted reflection on who is the worst of the worst for Minnesota Vikings football, garnering absolutely NADA over half a century, as one fan asked, “what is the lowest recorded QB rating for a playoff game? “ Brandon Warne, the despicable editor who banned Packers fans for good natured ribbing, but allowed repeated calls to purposefully injure players conceded that it is a “Good question but I’m sure it’s really bad. Maybe worse than this.”

Indeed, Vikings fans are even beginning to liken themselves to the hopeless futility of the Chicago Cubs, sans the history and charm of Wrigley Field or a devoted, diehard following that spans the nation:

Any history on the story of a Vikings curse and where it started?

That is really a stumper. We can only surmise from the seemingly endless laundry list of bad omens from that team. Maybe it is because you moved in the humpty dump Metrodome, the very antithesis of Lambeau Field, the Frozen Tundra, with its storied history as the cathedral of football. Or maybe it is because you are overshadowed by the most storied, mystical franchise in the NFL, and one of the most storied, legendary teams in all of sports anywhere on the globe: our beloved Green Bay Packers! Or maybe it is just how things are, one of the immutable laws of nature.

Indeed, what do you Vikings fans do when their Vikings win a Super Bowl. The answer is confirmed by Vikings fans themselves! They turn off Madden!

Might need to play Madden to right tonight’s wrong.

The rest of the comments are just the sort of piss and vinegar derived from a soulless, meaningless existence devoid of any semblance of joy or greatness, ranging from hatred to our Packers to dumbfounded expressions at a cruel world these poor cretins just cannot understand.

I hate rodgers cockly little smirks (sic).

This game is like a punch in the junk.

At least one fan was able to reckon with the horrible truth about life for Minnestoa Vikings fans:

Im done shutting the tv off and finding a different team to cheer for because this team sucks so bad its hurts to watch!

Indeed, bailing on such a pitiful, hopeless enterprise as the Vikings is probably your best bet. Treading on one’s colors is a soulless, cowardly thing, but I suppose in the face of absolute despair that matches French existentialism in dreariness and gloom calls for desperate measures. Of course, we really would not know about such a plight. For even during a 25-year drought, the legacy of Lombardi and Starr and Nitschke and Taylor and all the other greats forever radiated like an eternal, undying star!

This perhaps answers this painful question uttered by the enemy in the midst of absolute defeat and despair.

How can a team have the good fortune of following up a Favre with a Rogers…does Johnny Unitas have a great grandson in the wings?

Again, Vikings fan will never know, will never understand. It is the difference between the history, tradition, mystique and aura of greatness that define the Green Bay Packers, and the hopeless futility that will haunt your pathetic existence until the end of days. I guess it is the same reason why Sophia Lauren grew up to be a sex goddess who will be remembered as one of the most desirable women to have ever lived and why Natalie from Facts of Life is who she is. Some call this phenomenon “destiny.”

Enjoy this Schadenfreude, Packers fans, far and wide, from Lombardi Avenue to across not just this nation, but around the globe. Delight in their sadness and their loss. May their tears of anguish sustain you as a sweet, most invigorating nectar, second only to the glorious triumph of our GREEN BAY PACKERS!