Christian Ponder is Sorry His Vagina Hurt on Saturday, Everyone

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Christian Ponder's arm

Christian Ponder's arm

Minnesota Vikings quarterback Christian Ponder is the new Jay Cutler.

Well, no. We’re overreacting. Like in Highlander, there can be only one Jay Cutler. Jay Cutler would totally carve up a second Jay Cutler with a samurai sword… after they Eiffel Towered over Kristin in the most awesome bro gangbang ever.

That being said, Ponder kind of pulled a Cutler when he decided to stand around on the sidelines for his team’s playoff matchup with the Green Bay Packers because his vagina hurt. That, despite finishing the very game in week 17 in which he injured said vagina.

Whoops! It was his arm, wasn’t it?

Yes. Ponder’s arm currently looks like this. Doesn’t exactly scream “I can’t throw a football,” but hey, I’m not a doctor.

You know Bart Starr would have laughed at such a minor inconvenience, jogged out onto the field and fired a pair of touchdowns to a drunken Max McGee. Christian Ponder is no Bart Starr though and it doesn’t take a doctor to know that.

Anyway, Ponder wants everyone to know that he’s sorry his sore vagina kept him out of the game.

“To know that we had a game like that in Green Bay, we had a very good chance of winning that game,” Ponder said. “For myself to let my team down, that’s what hurts the most.”

Chance of winning… hahahahaha!

In Ponder’s absence, Joe Webb was a sterling 11-of-30 for 180 yards, one touchdown and one pick on Saturday.

About The Author

Mad Packer is the kind of guy you should sit beside at Lambeau. Just once. Find him on Twitter @1MadPacker.

36 Comments on "Christian Ponder is Sorry His Vagina Hurt on Saturday, Everyone"

  1. PackerFan

    Did it occur to you that there are female Packer fans out there and that this headline is completely offensive? Why do you have to mock Ponder by giving him female anatomy? Is that the worst possible insult you can come up with, calling him a woman? C’mon, man.

    • PackAttack

      Grow up. If you find it offensive don’t visit the damn site, it’s pretty simple. Your going to find a lot of offensive material on the internet — your clearly choosing to read it. If you don’t like it, don’t comeback or move on. No one cares what you think sadly.

  2. Richard

    He should consider himself lucky he isn’t being coached by Mike Shanahan, or his throwing arm would probably be dislocated, completely unattached and laying on the Lambeau turf this morning.

  3. E. Wolf

    I have heard conflicting stuff about this. Mark Chmra said its easy to treat–drain the puss, use anti-inflammatories, anti biotics. Griffin’s injury was definitely legitimate however. Totally irresponsible.

  4. Journey

    You are crude and rude…and give Packer fans a bad name. Insulting and degrading women to make your point says a lot more about you than Ponder. Loser.

  5. E. Wolf

    This does not degrade or insult women anymore than suggesting that an unattractive, masculine woman looks like a man. Because there ARE diffferences between the sexes, it is often insult to someone to suggest that his traits are more reminiscent of the opposite sex. It is emascullating to men to suggest that a man or boy fights like a girl or that his pussy hurts, just as it is insultng to a woman that she looks like a man.
    Please cut it out with the bullshit political correctness.

  6. Journey

    Thank you PackerfFan. I hope you are a man…a real man…who understands how offensive this post was to women. I am a huge Packer fan…and a woman. Go Pack!!

  7. Journey

    Well E Wolf, if using crude and offensive language to describe women makes you feel superior and “manly”, then I feel sorry for you. I just hope you don’t have any daughters!

    • E. Wolf

      Answer the question. Also, he wasn’t using crude and offensive language to describe women-unless Ponder is hiding a secret from us all. He was emasculating Ponder by stating, as a metaphir, albeit in somewhat vulgar terms, that he has the anatomy of a woman.
      Look, I am sure you have resented this fact all your life, but there are differences between men and women. Don’t believe me? Feel free to run a survey on the average velocity of a classic punch to a punching bag using classic American boxing technique, breaking down the results by gender. The men will have much higher velocity than woman on average. That’s why its not an insult to women to say a man fights like a girl. Just as I am by no means insulted when someone says Rachel Maddow looks like a man.
      This is a blog–not js online. I can appreciate that some of the vulgarity may not be for everyone, but that is an entirely differen issue than whether this is somehow objectionable because its sexist.
      In very simple terms-lighten up sweetheart.

  8. Journey

    E wolf…saying that a woman looks like a man is no comparison to the language used in this extremely low class article. Again, I truly hope you don’t have daughters. That would be so sad…a woman hating father.

    • E. Wolf

      Why not? I think its exactly the same thing. In both instances, someone is saying that someone is an aberration from their gender by more closely resembling the opposite gender.

  9. Journey

    I would not be at all offended if the loser had said Ponder looked or acted like a woman. It was the fact that he sees and refers to women as a sexual body part that is offensive. If you don’t get that, then you have problems. End of story.

    • E. Wolf

      Hey toots, what do you think is implied by those photoshopped memes of Jay Cutler wearing a ballet tutu?
      Nothing in this article suggest he sees women as a sexual body part because the subject does not even concern women–it concerns the emasculation of Christian Ponder, by stating in a metaphorical sense that he has a vagina rather than a penis.

  10. Journey

    You are just showing your low class, insecure loser self. Why do you hate women so much? Maybe because no one wants you? I guess I don’t have to worry about you having daughters…or even any of your beloved males (sons). Bye bye loser…Toots. LOL

    • E. Wolf

      Just because you say something does not make it so, not matter how many times you repeat a mantra. I can see you do not want to engage in meaningful discussion, as you have avoided ever single contention of mine, instead responding with baseless insults.

  11. Drunk Off Don Q at Crashboat

    If I don’t like a restaurant I don’t continue to go there and argue with the staff about how bad the food is. I stop going to the restaurant.

    Journey, find a restaurant that suits you better. End of story.

  12. Barrack

    Journey you need to take a pill. If you dont like the language dont read the article. But I fear that you are the sort that this article seems to be directed at, Sally.

  13. seeful2000

    I don’t know how you Green Bay fans can tell the difference between your men and your women anyway. You all kind of look like weird, misshapen, drunken yetis.

  14. Iwantchaos

    Why don’t we all discuss politics because this is such a good place to do so.

    I think all liberal males have a vagina, therefore Christian Ponder must be a fricking Democrat. What do you guys think? Please, do elaborate.

  15. Big Raj!

    Nice to see Restivo took the time to take APs cock out of his mouth so he could show up on a Packer board again

  16. Pack Lethal

    Hey Chris,
    When referring to Ponder as a superior faggot, the word “faggot” lacks an S to denote the singular.

  17. PackAttack

    In response to the matter at hand. Christian Ponder and the Vikings clearly fucked the dog on this one. Ponder, unbeknown to Vikings fans, has supposedly had this “recurring” problem since before he was drafted. He’s had his bursa sac go on him a few times at Florida State and “supposedly” the Vikings knew this prior to taking him (dumbest pick ever by the way). So not only did the Vag-Queens draft this loser (another insult to all the sensitive liberals on this board) but they also took him knowing full well he’s had this injury reoccur more than once.

    But still, how does he come down with this injury early last week and still not play? The swelling and fluid buildup is the worst part of this injury, but in severe cases you can drain the elbow if need be after 4-5 days. You also can take a corticosteroid shot which reduces the swelling along with rest and ice. This is an injury which requires 2-3 week MAX in severe cases, since once the swelling and fluid buildup goes down you should be totally in the clear. Yet Ponder claims he couldn’t move his elbow or get any extension with his arm. Yet he was throwing passes before the game and 4-5 days after this injury supposedly occurred. Depending on and when that picture was taken, it doesn’t look like he or anyone else did anything to prevent the swelling or spell any of the fluid buildup. The better question is why the fuck is he taking a picture of it? Does he really need to let the mainstream public know what his arm looked like? Who cares, you lost, you didn’t play — like all the trolling Vike fans on here like that ugly dickless loser Chris Restirvo — you suck, you lost, go home.

    Ponder did not want to play, case closed. The guy is a pussy, always has been. The greats play through pain. I’ve seen Philip Rivers play with a fucking torn ACL, Donovan McNabb played with a broken fibula, Favre played with busted fingers, ankles, arms — everything. Terrell Owens played with a fractured fibula and torn ankle ligaments, RG3 just played with a busted knee — do I really need to go through every guy in the NFL who’s played through significant pain and injuries — much more significant than a bursa sac? Ponder couldn’t have hurt his arm anymore than if he would have played, yes it might have been painful, but he could have played — he could clearly throw and we all know how much the Vikings throw to begin with.

    The pussy didn’t want to play, case closed.

    • E. Wolf

      Chmura basically said as much on his radio program.
      It’s hard for me to hate Ponder the way I do most Vikings-he seems like an ok guy who just drafted to a team I hate. But there can be no doubt he is not on the same level as guys you listed, notably among them the Iron Man #4. As much as I hate him, he still commands my respect for playing every week after taking beatings from animals like Warren Sapp on any given Sunday.

      • Phatgzus

        First time Reggie White popped Favre (as an Eagle) Favre popped right up and asked him: “That all you got?” Much as many on here despise him, there is no doubting his toughness. Same goes for AD. Just gotta respect them for their ability, even willingness to withstand pain.

        • E. Wolf

          I do hate Favre, and feel that when the time comes, us among the hardline need to start a concerted petition to prevent his number from being retired. The Packer Hall of Fame must admit him-to do otherwise is to deny history.
          Be that as it may, I still admire how tough that sonofabitch was. That record of consecutive names will never be broken, and although he is disgraced, that distinction is still held by a Packer.
          When I think of this it just makes me sad-how the hell could he have ever done this to us?

  18. Cliff

    I just have this feeling the guys who are insulted by this post (way too many) are having a hard time getting girlfriends these days and/or can’t get it up and feel closer to their race. Common man it’s a joke get over it!

  19. Shawn Iltarion

    Ponder is married now. His wife probably told him not to play.

    Chmura may know the injury, but he isn’t a QB. Lifting the arm above the shoulder wasn’t a requirement of his job or necessary when accosting an 18 year old girl and therefore would be a minor injury to Chmura.

    Relax, ladies. If Ponder did have a vagina, he would be a hell of a lot more popular around here.

  20. rich

    Wow did I log onto CNN by accident.
    Give me a Fing break. Change the channel if you don’t like it.

    On to football. Didn’t matter if onder played. Packers game plan was right on. Killed the cover 2 defense that they will see therest of the way.
    Would like to see Cobb more involved this week. Hopefully he is close to 100% now.

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